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  • Xyphias

    Here's an edit/proofread of your first chapter. If you wanna use it, look over it first, there were some parts i added (?) at the end of the paragraph. I was unsure about those and decided to leave it up to you.

    Chapter 1:I'm really a good man

    “I’m a good man.”

    Very strange, obviously everyone knows I am a good person, a law-abiding citizen, why is this inspector in front of me? (? still constantly annoyed by me —- or —— still constantly annoying me.)

    “As a law-abiding resident of Sulphur Mountain City, I’m on time to pay taxes, enthusiastic, in the unit a a good employee, and in the community I’m a good neighbor and partner. You see, I’m also a good guy who loves pets. My pet, Po, and I earned this medal from the community pet superstar championship!”

    As evidence one could see the medals and ribbons hanging on the side of the wall, upon which it also says “Winner of the seventh Sulphur Mountain City pet competition” “May our robust and cute Po be forever healthy.”

    And the Po that gained the glory for me is currently enjoying its dinner underneath the wall.

    Unfortunately, no matter how i explain, that dark elf inspector stayed silent and tightly stared at me, seemingly convinced that I’m lying.

    “Pet? Po? That terrible monster you spoke of is one of the reasons for the complaint against you! The Lup family accused your pet of attacking their son!”

    At the corner of the room, the slandered Po was just drooling and licking a tibia. Seeing its master look at it, it just giggled cutely.. (? i have no idea what this part is supposed to be saying, unsure if that's right)

    Lup? Who? This name didn’t sound familiar at all.

    I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should use a reconnaissance spell to trace back my increasingly poor memory. Seeming to see my confusion, the dark elf inspector spoke with a sneer.

    “...Don’t you think it’s much to talk about? His son’s tibia is still in your monster pet’s mouth.”

    “Oh? Oh! You mean the skeleton family facing the street! They especially love to play together with Po, they really are good men.”

    Hurriedly I floated to Po and tried to draw out the tibia from its clamped mouth. Left with no choice, I could only wield my fist and knock on this moron dog’s head.

    “Let it go, let it go, you’re a fool. If you don’t want to be put in quarantine then just let go of it.

    It really is an obedient dog, as soon as I insisted on it, my lovely Po whimpered and gave up on its treasure with a disgusted expression.

    “Don’t worry Po, once I send away this bitch, I will let the Lup’s whole family accompany you to play, play for a full year.” I promised in whispers.

    But the tibia is evidence, and really hard to refute. I squeezed out a kittenish smile, trying to ingratiate myself with the inspector in front of me.

    “Misunderstanding, it’s all a misunderstanding. Po was just too enthusiastic. It always likes to make new friends, and then is always so reluctant to part, getting a souvenir from friends is a normal thing, isn’t it?

    I tried to hand over the tibia, but the inspector suddenly stepped back.

    “Don’t come over here, maintain a safe distance, who knows what kind of evil curse you have put on it. My colleagues are still outside, if I can’t go back, then are you intending to face the anger of the entire city management team (referred to as the inspectors)?”

    I was already humble enough, but this bitch actually dared to blow my face off. I kindly tried to hand over the tibia, but she acted like she saw some disgusting things and took two steps back, looking alert as a dead fish.

    “I am an inspector, do you know the consequences of assaulting a police officer?”

    “Misunderstanding, misunderstanding, I really am a good man.” Secretly sighing about the dark elf’s sensitivity to magic, I was left with no choice but to quietly disperse the hypnosis spell and snake curse in the tibia, letting the evil magic silently drift away.

    “I don’t care if you are a good man or not, in accordance with the security management regulations of Sulphur Mountain City, you must compensate 50 gold coins and go apologize within three days.

    That bitch clawed back the tibia and relentlessly left, actually just directly turned away. (? I have no idea what this sentence is trying to say, so i just copied nearly your entire TL of it.)

    “If you don’t want me to come back, remember, report to the city management team within three days!”

    As she shut the door, my face turned worse.

    “Bitch, be careful or one day you will get a knock to your head and be sold to the slave market. In the underground world, dark elves have always been the best-selling and most valuable goods.”

    I cursed evilly in my heart, but did not speak my thoughts, because once i said it out loud, if this bitch really gets sold I will become the first suspect. I’m not that stupid.

    “Big sister, you’re amazing. Daring to use the law as a weapon to face such a horrible monster. As soon as i saw him, I was already dazed.”

    “Well, Armin, these guys are all the same. Outwardly strong but inwardly weak. As an honourable inspector of Sulphur Mountain City, you know…”

    Not far away, the two dark elves’ conversation could still be heard.

    “Tut, daring to underestimate me, if I had not turned over a new leaf with the intent of being a good person, you’d be sold to the brother by the end of the night.

    Cute Po seeing his master was a bit frustrated, also came with a massive tongue to lick my face.

    “Well, well Po, remember that you are a noble Chromaggus, not just a stupid dog. Come, we have to go apologize to the ‘Lup’ family and have dinner while we are there. Well, have a ‘dinner’.” (?Not sure about this one, I assumed he meant they would be eating the Lup family and wrote it like that.)

    Hearing that there’s stuff to eat in the evening, slobber flowed from the dog’s two heads simultaneously, and it happily hugged me with a desperate licking.

    Dog really is the best partner of man, a double headed Cerberus even more so. It’s just that the feeding cost is a bit expensive as bones with mana within are the best food for them. But with the Lup family’s enthusiastic support, it seems that I can save a month of food costs.

    Oh right, I forgot to introduce myself. I, Roland Lan, three hundred and seventy-six years old this year, am a good man. Oh no, the correct thing to say is, I’m a good lich.


    If you want to ask about the people’s attitude towards liches, I am afraid that there will be no praise.

    “The most heinous villains.” “The ultimate existence of the undead and of dark magic.” “Nightmare of the living, king of the undead.”

    Although I’ve always treated these words as the envy of the mediocre and the slander of hypocrites, I can’t deny that sometimes, these biases and discrimination does bring a lot of trouble.

    At least, even in Sulphur Mountain City where fighting is prohibited, every month i am still forced to deal with several “bravers together against the evil” or “ adventurer break into the evil’s home alone”.

    Although most of the time they cannot even break through the door of my old house, sometimes I still welcome their arrival. For example, when I lack needed experimental subjects, like now...

    “...I must be.,. Kill you… Don’t touch there! Fucking tentacles! also can’t!! I am very sensitive at that place. Ha… Ha… Do not… I beg you, kill me, kill me!! Kill me if you have the guts!”

    Just last week she was still making noisy threats about punishing me for the justice of the world, but now this Half Elf Ranger is just asking to be killed.

    “Let me go, at least...kill me… Don’t do it!!” The accumulation of many times finally reached the peak, after a fierce ****, to a *******s, she first tensed her whole body, then in the next second, she went completely weak and limp.

    Her eyes which had originally been full of hatred had already lost focus, but she still instinctively and stubbornly looked at me, her lifeless eyes taking a long time to regain their former hate.

    “Oho, don’t look at me like that, euphoria is not good for health.”

    “Bastard!! Bastard!! Bastard!!”

    “ it that there are too little curse words in the elven language, or did your language teacher die too early? The same words are not enough to make me excited.”

    “Rogue, ***...” Days of imprisonment and torture frayed the female Ranger’s will, but the high elves always hold their heads up high, and her pride obviously remained even after excessive physical exertion, as she could still curse me.

    “Well, this is enough rest, the next round will begin!”

    “Da!” With a snap of my finger, numerous black tentacles began to move again, the Imps called by the magic of the Pink Book already irrepressible in their desire  to let women close to their ***.

    “Do not!!... I beg you, let me go!!”

    But unfortunately, my imps will not follow the beseeching of a prisoner.

    “I’m ticklish!!”

    Yes, it’s just scratching. I’m a good man, and I wouldn’t do anything doomed to be prohibited.

    “This is not up to you, tentacles, her waist and neck under the itch meat! That is her weakness!”

    “Ha… Hee hee… kill me, you bastard!!... Haha”

    It is the punishment that the female ranger was afraid of most, and quickly, under the numerous tentacles, she was rolling on the ground and laughing.

    “Hum! You deserve it, who told you to unexpectedly break into my home, this is obviously a criminal act, if I do not take it up with you, you’ll think i’m easy to deal with!”

    Of course, I wouldn’t do a thing that just hurt others without any benefit to myself. Why would I waste my magic power just to punish her.

    “Beg you, I give up, I surrender… I will agree to any conditions!!”

    “No, you hanging there in pain is contributing to me.

    Looking at the number slowly growing on my panel, I couldn’t help but sigh.

    “Uh-oh, three days, just to get 2 evil points. When can I gather the 100000 points to revive my body?”

    Thinking of the legendary sex life that millions of people yearn for, then looking down on my body which only has bones, my eyes quickly turn towards these unfortunate people in the dungeon.

    “Punishing evil is a good thing, in order to gain points… No, for justice, for my happy sex life… no, in order to become a good person. Your suffering is my fortune, accept your fates!”

    Caged one by one, the dungeon is full of prisoners. Some within are tauren and elves, but most of them are human.

    “Let me out!!” “I’m not guilty!” “Don’t come over here!!” Whines and begs for mercy sound out one after another, but the Lich not only ignored what they say, but also let the skeletons acting as caretakers mercilessly whip them if he feels it’s too noisy.

    “Ruhr, human, rapist, six cases of crime, was arrested three times. But because your good brother is the waterfront gang boss, victims were all being threatened and did not dare to report. The Sulphur Mountain City Supreme Court has released you twice because of a lack of evidence.

    But at this moment, this gangster is screaming seriously.

    “Since you’re so fond of mating, I’ve let you have enough mating.”

    So, I found several three meter tall ogres to play with him every day… However, they are all male, with a penis bigger than a human leg...

    Well, now his cage is too horrible to look at, even talking about him makes me feel sick, so let us talk about his neighbor.

    “Dia Gold, Goblin race, professional liar, although he has been charged for dozens of cases, his technique is excellent and victims often lack conclusive evidence. Furthermore, he is willing to spend a great deal of money to hire the best lawyers of Sulphur Mountain City, allowing him to still be on the loose.

    But now, the gambler is on the bet, with both eyes bloodshot.

    “...I win!! All of your money is mine, you have to let me go!! I have four K!!”

    On his opposite side, the undead player laughed and spread out his car, four A, just slightly bigger than his.

    “No, no, no, no, no! You have already won 767 times! You’re cheating!!”

    Cheating without being caught is legal. Isn’t that what you said? All right, tell me your last hidden property and secret!”

    “I… I, I will be sure to win next time!!”

    Of course the undead player is cheating, this is a set of magic cards specially made by me, allowing him to get any card he wanted. Dia can never win.

    And if he were a normal person, he would already have been discouraged after losing hundreds of games. But as a gambler, Dia has become increasingly desperate due to his losses, and seeing the opportunity to get wealth and freedom, how would he be willing to give up.

    Undead players don’t need to persuade Lydia to be fooled, he only needs to sit there and play cards, and the Goblin gambler’s own greed will let Dia send himself up. (? Not sure what this is trying to say)

    “In case.... In case I can win, I can get everything back.”

    So like those victims that were cheated by him in the past, his greed brought himself into the bottomless abyss, he already put all his property to lose out.

    In fact, I have no interest in his deception and secrets, but every time he loses, his unwillingness and the anger that comes from the bottom of his heart will give me more evil points, and his neighbor, that guy is already numb, giving me less and less evil points.

    This is a prison, belonging to myself, and within are most of the prisoners that, due to some reason Sulphur Mountain City’s officials cannot give penalties to. Indeed they are all bastards.

    I owned an unreliable system that can gain strength from the pain and suffering of others, in in order to become a good man, I have no choice, my only choice is to penalize the vicious.

    So, through some relationships I got these shits into here, as food for my ‘evil lich system’

    The treatment of that brace half-elf “break into hell alone” is considered the best, anyway, she just smashed several vases and broke several skeleton gardeners. I will just bazinga her for a few days and then she will be thrown out.

    The other people are all bastards, having done enough to be sentenced to death. So I let them enjoy what they once did to others. In other words, let them reap what they have sown.

    For example, let the rapist be raped by others, let the cheater be cheated to ruin, let the robbers and thieves to have all they owned robbed and stolen, let profiteers sleep on a golden mountain, unable to buy a slice of bread.

    “Madman!! You’re a madman!”

    “Please, let me go!”

    Hurting others without any benefit to myself is meaningly, but through the nameless system their pain will turn into my strength, allowing me to revive.

    “I’m not crazy, you’re crazy!”

    “Crazy lich!! I beg you to let me go, I’m willing to do anything!”

    Crazy lich? Indeed, there are a lot of people that say I have already gone crazy, but the first to say it is that ‘person’.

    My phalanx stroked my jaw as I carefully recalled.

    “When did I start to go crazy? Was it when in my previous life as a judge adhering to fairness and justice, I was stripped of my public employment by unscrupulous officials and eventually was supplanted to the extent that I couldn’t even continue my job as a lawyers?”

    “Was it when I gained this strange system reincarnation in this world, thinking that I was the doomed protagonist and vowed to make my nation and relatives happier, but found that the cruelty of fate could not be reversed and step by step lost my country, my family and all of my loved ones?”

    “Was it when i swore vengeance against the gods and hypocrites, forming an army of the undead, only to find that on the path of revenge I had already left a trail of ruin and bones, becoming like those hypocrites and ambitious people who, under the banner of the righteous continue to create disaster and tragedy?”

    “Oh, maybe from the beginning, since having the memory of two worlds and finding out the truth of this world, I have been crazy.”

    August 2016