Bloody Conqueror - Chapter 8 (Crimson Ring)

edited January 2016 in Original Stories
Bloody Conqueror

Here's the Blog of the Novel for more information - https://bloodyconqueror.wordpress.com


>>> Type: Xianxia
>>> Genres: Action, Fantasy, Martial Arts, Magic, Romance



Synopsis - On a certain day Damon who was five years old at the time was practicing his swordplay. Overlooking him was his father and a close family friend. With smiles present on their faces as they watched the young child working hard to perfect his form. But suddenly the suns warm rays were blocked by dark clouds and in an instant Damon's life turned upside down. The mansion he lived in was attacked and to save Damon, his father perished along everyone else in the mansion. Had it not been for old man Desil perhaps Damon would have perished too. With an unknown future and not knowing awaits will Damon be able to survive in this cruel world? Will Damon be able to survive in a world where ‘the strong devour the weak’?

Schedule -  For now i will post around 2 chapters a week


Glossary - I will add glossary soon

Comments

  • Hmm... Wow... Err... I Mean... For Such An Intense Scene To Be So Anti-Climatic And Short... O_O And Wow, The Sudden Change Of Scenes And Its Lack Of Details Almost Killed Me From A Heart Attack!

    Well Anyways... Good Luck...
  • edited January 2016
    Chapter 1 [Meeting Bandits]



    ----------------------------------

     ~ 3 years later

    It was a sunny day, in Beldal City and the streets were overcrowded like always, there was a big inn full of people in the main street of the city. On one of the tables an old man and a young boy around the age of 7 or 8 were eating. The old man had white long hair, black eyes, and on his left eye there was a scar that looked to be left by sword, he gave off a majestic aura. The boy on the other hand looked very handsome, with long black hair, and deep black eyes that had a hint of crimson red at the center, he similarly also gave off a noble aura.


    “Damon you are already a 2nd Rank Warrior, congratulations.” Said the old man, in the past 3 years, Damon has been training hard everyday, so that he can become stronger, an 8 year old 2nd Rank Warrior was very rare, it can be said that Damon was a real genius, many can become a 1st Rank Warrior, it wasn’t anything special, but going from the 1st to the 2nd rank, an average adult needed around 2-3 years. But for Damon, who was only 8 years old, took 3 years to get past the 1st Rank and enter the 2nd, his future achievements can said to be limitless.


    In the Continent of Esterlyn, there are 5 Kingdoms: The Kingdom of Thalron, Kingdom of Valion, Kingdom of Leon, Kingdom Of Zaesh and Kingdom of Wenshal. Beldal City is located in the Kingdom of Wenshal, and the city’s population is around 3 million people.


    In this Continent there are Mages and Warriors. Warriors are divided into 9 ranks, every rank being harder to attain than the last, and needing years of practice and hard work. After the 9th rank a Warrior becomes a Grand Warrior.


    Mages too are divided into 9 ranks, but there are less magicians on the continent compared to warriors. This is because the magic path is only available for those who have natural talent and affinity to magical elements. There are 7 elements in total: Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, Thunder, Darkness and Light. Mages are regarded highly in the Continent of Esterlyn, strong Mages are able to crush cities, call forth meteors, and kill thousands of troops with their magic. Similarly, after the 9th rank, a Mage becomes a Grand Magus.


    After reaching the Grand Magus or Grand Warrior stage, one can finally possess enough power for flight, in the eyes of the masses they are like deities, and every kingdom would want to have a good relationship with them, because they can easily change the fate of a war, and no one can order them around, they are free from shackles, able to do whatever they want.


    On this road of Power, every rank prolongs a person's lifetime. Legend has it that a Grand Warrior or Magus are able to live for thousands of years.

    ~

    Damon smiled lightly and continued eating. The sun had already set when the boy and the old man rested in their room, on the second floor of the inn.


    The boy was looking at the sky and thinking. The old man was reading book and drinking wine. And the gentle wind flew, passing by. “Desil... who killed my parents?” the boy almost whispered. He kept his sad eyes on the sky, staring. "........" Desil looked at him but didn’t say a word, Damon had asked this same question many times before, but has never gotten an answer. “You need to rest, tomorrow we are departing for Falric City.” Said Desil as he shifted his eyes towards his book. He didn't continue reading though, the melancholic mood of the boy caused him to go deep into thought too. '3 years ago when we escaped, he cried everyday wanting to see his parents. Looking at him now and comparing him to that time, he has really greatly changed.'


    The next morning, they started traveling towards Falric City, on the road they met up with a caravan and joined them. Desil offered his help in exchange for a place in the cart, and since any kind of strength would be helpful on the road, the leader accepted their offer and continued on.


    In the cart, with Damon and Desil, was a woman and a little girl around 6-7 years old. “Hello are you going to Falric city too?” asked the woman. “Indeed ma’am, me and my grandson here are going to Falric city, hey Damon, say hello.” said Desil while smiling, “Hello, nice to meet you.” said Damon and slightly smiled. “Hello my name is Vanessa, and this is my daughter, Leyla. Leyla, don’t be rude and greet Desil and Damon.” said the woman while looking at her daughter, whom was hiding behind her back, “H-hi...” she pulled out her head a little bit, slowly, and said with a soft, low voice. Then, again, she hid behind her mother.


    Around one hour had passed since they left Beldal City, Desil and Vanessa have been chatting and laughing, while Damon was looking out of the cart like he was thinking about something, and from time to time, Leyla would look at him with astonished eyes. Every time their eyes would meet, he would smile, but as soon as she sees this, she once again begins hiding.


    Time flew by, and finally, 5 hours have passed. From Beldal to Felric there was around a distance of five thousand kilometers, so the caravan would need approximately 3-4 days of travel to reach the City. Suddenly though, screams could be heard outside, “Baandiiits!” one of guards shouted, Damon and Desil looked from their cart, only to see that the bandits have already surrounded the whole caravan. 


    The Leader of the caravan stepped out and pleaded “Please, just let us go, I-i can pay you 500 gold.” His name was Zak, around 40-50 years old, with black hair, black eyes, and an ordinary body. There was nothing special about him, and he was only a 2nd rank warrior. He was just transporting products from one city to another, and didn’t wanted to die for no good reason.


    “500 gold? Hahahaa!” suddenly a man came out from the crowd of bandits and proclaimed “I am  the Leader of The Tigerclaw Bandits. My name is Eryx. I can let you go, but you must leave all of your belongings and women here.” he was a tall muscular man, with short red hair, around 30 years old. His cultivation was that of a 5th rank Warrior. “This...” The Caravan leader Zak didn’t know what to do, the Bandits demands were too much. 

    Suddenly, Eryx looked at the cart where Damon and the others were residing and saw Vanessa, his eyes lit up and said “Ohohoh, I didn’t think that i'd meet a beauty like you in a Caravan like this.” he stared at Vanessa like a hungry hyena and told one of his men “You. Bring her to me.” The Bandit nodded his head and started walking in the direction of cart to obey the order, one of guards attempted to stop him but at the same time, a voice rang out “Those who oppose me shall die.” and a sword flew towards the guard, going right through his heart. The guard who was only a 2nd rank warrior, died instantly and fell to the ground. Everyone was shocked and didn’t dare to move.

    Just as the bandit neared the cart and was about to grab the woman, a fist flew and sent the bandit flying until he crashed on a boulder, about 20 meters away. Everyone was stupefied. The Bandit Leader furrowed his brows and looked at the cart. From inside, stepped out an old man who looked to be around 60-70 years old. “Old man, was it you who dared to do this to my men?!” Eryx shouted furiously while looking at the old man, “Indeed it was me.” Said the old man calmly and smiled in a way that worked to further infuriate the Bandit Leader. “Everyone! KILL HIMM!!” Eryx ordered, and around 50 bandits roared and started running towards the old man. Almost every bandit were only at the 2nd-3rd rank, and only two of them were at the 4th.


    The Old man was standing there calmly like an immovable boulder, and suddenly he drew the sword from the sheath on his back, and while looking at the bandits, slashed his sword horizontally and said in a gentle tone “Heaven Slasher.” Sword energy flew from sword and pierced every single bandit. All of them fell in an instant, their bodies, now lying on the ground, covered in blood. If everyone witnessing this were petrified earlier, the feelings they had now could never be compared. The Leader of the caravan, Zak, remembered how this old man came to him and asked for a place in cart. He now realized that this single decision, was what saved his life, and the life of many others. Vanessa looked from the cart and was astonished, she didn’t believed what she just saw, and at the same time, she was grateful that the old man defended her, even Damon was astonished. He knew that Desil was strong, in the past they have had situations like this, Desil just beat everyone who made trouble for them with ease and he has never unsheathed his sword. Today was the first time that Damon has ever seen the old man’s sword, and the technique left him astonished.


    “T-thiss can’t bee, y-yyou are you Grand Warrior? Please-please have mercy, I-i didn’t mean to offend you, p-please!!” Eryx knelt quickly and was shaking as he looked towards the old man, tears have started to make his sight blur. He has never seen a technique like this, and knew that for Warriors, it was impossible to unleash such power, so the only explanation left was that this old man was a Grand Warrior.


    “I don’t show mercy for the people like you.” Said the old man and slashed his sword. Eryx’s head flew from his body and fell onto the ground. Everyone looked at old man in awe, and at the same time respect could be seen. Desil turned around and said to Zak “Problem solved, we can go on, right?” while smiling, Zak was stupefied, but his previous experiences in life enabled him to answer “Y-y-yes! Everyone! Get ready. We are moving out.” he shouted and once more, they continued onto the road.

  • edited January 2016
    Capter 2 [New Beginning]



    -----------------------------------

    Four days have passed since the incident with the bandits. Once the Caravan arrived in Felric City, Damon looked around and was astonished by the city. It was 4-5 times larger than the previous, which is understandable because Felric was the Capital of Wenshal Kingdom. The population here exceeds 50 million, streets are full of markets, high class restaurants, majestic mansions, and merchants can be seen everywhere selling monster cores and many other items.


    The caravan stopped at the west side of Felric, Damon and Desil came out from the cart, and suddenly a voice rang out, “Mr. Desil” it was the Leader of the caravan, Zak. He walked in front of them and took out a little pouch, extended it forward, and said “Thank you for saving us from bandits, here's 500 gold, I know for an expert like you it’s not that much, but it’s all I have. Please accept it, if it wasn’t for you sir we would have probably not made it out alive.” In the Continent of Esterlyn Gold was the main currency, after comes Silver. 1 gold = 1000 silver, while 10 gold can feed a small family of commoners for one month.

    “Mr. Zak, thank you but I can’t accept it. Keep the gold for yourself, you will need it more than me and, I have some with me so there’s no problem.” Desil smiled and looked at Zak, Zak was astonished and elated that he had met a man like this, he bowed and said “I will never forget your kindness sir, thank you!” he then looked at Damon with a smile, turned, and went back to his men.


    Damon and Desil were about to leave, but suddenly a woman's voice rang out from the back. They turned around and saw Vanessa with her daughter Leyla, whom hurriedly walked towards them. “Mr. Desil, I wanted to give you my thanks for what you did, if it wasn’t for you....” She make a sad look, thinking about what was about to leave her mouth. “Ms. Vanessa it’s nothing much, men should protect women, how could I call myself a man if I leave a beautiful woman such as you, in danger?” Said Desil with a smile, Vanessa hearing this was elated, she looked at the Old man with a wide smile. “T-thank you mister fo-for s-saving my mom.” Suddenly, Leyla came out from the back of her mother and said while looking at Desil, she then looked at Damon, blushed a little and once again, hid herself. “Haha! Thank you too, young Miss.” When Desil heard her he laughed and looked at the girl and gave a gentle smile. “We need to go now, it was good meeting you Miss Vanessa, and you too young miss.” Said Desil, then he turned to leave, Damon bowed before slightly running to catch up with the old man. Vanessa took her daughter's hands, and was looking at them, then she too left with a smile on her face.


    The streets were crowded, with many people from foreign kingdoms. The old man and young boy were walking through the street. With the boy looking at his surroundings. Soon, they reached 10 meter high big gates that were 20 meters wide. In the center, was written “Felix Institute”. Damon looked at the old man inquisitively “Desil, what are we doing here?” he asked. “I need to see an old friend of mine.” Desil said while looking at gates, they stopped at the entrance. “Please tell Headmaster Bastian that Desil wants to meet him.” Said Desil to the guard. The guard somehow felt that this old man was very strong, so he didn't dare be arrogant with his words. “Please wait here, I will inform the Headmaster.” Said the guard, and slipped into the building past the gates.

    It took around 5 minutes before the guard arrived. “Esteemed guest, the Headmaster is waiting for you in his office. Please follow me.” The guard bowed slightly and started walking towards the building once more. Damon was inspecting the institute with a somewhat excited gaze, there was a huge space there for students to practice, he saw warriors one one side practicing their skills, and another there were mages practicing their spells. They soon neared the main building, Damon looked at it and was astonished. He has never seen a building as majestic as this. It had carvings on the walls of the whole institute, which had a territory of 10 km, long and wide. The main building was 100 meters high and around 1 km in diameter, they soon reached the cabinet of the Headmaster. “Damon, wait for me here.” Said Desil and entered the room.


    Damon was looking though the window and saw two mages sparring, suddenly one of them muttered something and a fire ball appeared in his hand. “Fire Ball!!” He shouted, and shot the ball towards the direction of another student, who was standing there calmly, waiting for the  fire ball’s arrival. He too muttered some words and when the ball neared him, he shouted. “Earth Wall!!” In front of him, rock came out from the ground and formed a wall, which blocked the fire ball. “So this is magic... Will I ever be able to learn that in the future?” Damon was muttering to himself while looking at two mages. Magic cannot be learned by everyone, those who want to learn it need to have a natural talent for it. From there, they then need to learn how to cast magic. With magic energy in their bodies, mages can cast spells and fight with it. Higher level mages are more powerful because they learn to control their magic more efficiently, and are able to control a larger amount. That is why mages have a very high reputation in the Continent of Esterlyn.


    A whole hour had passed since Desil entered the headmaster’s room. Damon sat quietly, waiting. Suddenly the door burst open, and two men came out, one was Desil, and the other was a tall, muscular man, who looked to be around 50 years old. He gave off a very domineering aura. This  was Headmaster of Felix Institute. Bastian Dungstan. “Damon, greet the headmaster.” Said Desil smilingly. “Greetings, headmaster.” He bowed slightly and looked at the man. “Hahaha! Desil! I like him. Hello youngster, I hope that you will become our institute's star!” Said the man witha wide smile on his face. “What?” Damon thought to himself, puzzled. He looked at Desil for an answer. “Damon, I need to talk to you.” He said and brought him into the room of Headmaster Bastian, who left.


    “Damon you have great talent, and can achieve great heights, I have been with you for the last 3 years and I know how hardworking you are, but if we stay together, it will affect your growth. You need to achieve some things on your own, and if you stay with me your talent would be wasted. There are many dangers in this world, and you will meet many difficulties, those are the things you must cross with your own strength. Only like this, will you ever become stronger, and reach the peak.” While Desil was saying this his heart ached, he didn’t wanted to leave the boy alone, but it was inevitable. He saw how the boy grew up, and loved him like own son.

    “Bastian is an old friend, so I asked him to let you to join the Felix institute, and he agreed. He will look after you, but remember that you must rely on your own strength, and not completely on other's.” While saying this he took out a pouch and placed it in Damon's hands. “Here’s some gold, use it wisely.” He stood up, walked towards the window, and gave another glance towards the boy and said “If something ever happens and you ever need my help you ca...”He stopped because he saw the boy was smile, he watched this and wanted to cry. “No need, Uncle Desil. I am grateful for what you did for me these past 3 years, I will never forget everything that you did for me, you are like a father to me. In the future, I will become stronger and find you myself. You don’t have to worry, I understand that you are doing this for me, I will do everything and not let you down.” Said Damon, when Desil heard this, he ran over and hugged Damon, and said "You silly boy.” There was a smile on his face, and a sign of tear in his eyes.

    They came out of room together, and headed to gates. When they neared, the headmaster showed himself. He and Desil talked about something, then Desil looked at Damon and said. “Boy, remember your words and don’t let me down, become powerful and stand on the peak.” When Desil ended, he once more hugged the boy tightly and left. Damon was looking at Desil’s back and a smile appeared on his face, the moment Desil disappeared he clenched his hands and with a smile, looked at the sky. Then he turned around and looked at Institute. This wasn't an end. IT WAS A NEW BEGINNING!
  • edited November 2015
    Thanks for sharing!

    Welcome to the directory
  • Thanks )) :3
  • edited November 2015
    Chapter 3 [Dual-Exceptional Affinity]


    When Desil left, Headmaster showed Damon school, he was placed in Warriors beginners Class, warriors and mages classes were divided in three: Beginners Class, Middle Class and Advanced Class, 1 and 2 rank are Beginners, 3 and 4 are in Middle Class, 5 and 6 are in Advanced Class, after one reaches 6 rank warrior or mage he can choose to stay or leave institute, in was already night and Damon was going in his dormitory, in every dorm there were 3 students, principal said that there’s one place in 303 dorm so he send Damon there.


    He soon found dorm and opened the door, and saw two boys around his age, “hello there you must be new student, my name is Lark Debals” said young boy who was 9 years old with blonde hair and blue  eyes  “I’m Troy Felkins, nice to meet you”, said another boy, he was 10 years old, brown hair and black eyes, with tall slim and slightly muscular body. 

    “hello Lark, Troy, my name is Damon, nice to meet you” he looked at them and smiled.

    “Hey Damon are you mage or warrior? And what classes are you in” it was Lark who spoke with large smile on face.

    “I’m 2nd rank warrior, in Warriors Beginners Class, as of Magic, I still need to pass the test to know if I have Affinity” said Damon

    “woow cool I’m too 2nd rank Warrior, Troy is mage of 2nd rank” said Lark and then added “we need to celebrate your arrival, so let’s go in Paradise Club” wile looking at two boys, “sigh, Lark you never change” said Troy with a smile on his face, Damon didn’t knew what to say so he followed them silently while smiling.


    Paradise Club was located near the Felix Insitute, soon they arrived, when damon saw at building he was astonished, it was around 15 meters tall and 100 meters long, it was one of the most popular places in Felric City, there were gathering many noble and influential people, boys walked in, inside was crowded, many students and other people were drinking, and chatting among themselves, “Welcome young master Lark” said the manager that greeted them inside, “Ralf, we need good table to celebrate our friends arrival” said Lark while looking at manager with smile, “of course young master Lark, please follow me” said manager and brought boys on a table that was near window”.


    guys were drinking juice and chatting happily, Lark’s Family was one of the most influential family in the Kingdom of Wenshal, they are doing trading and businesses  on all over the continent and have big net of connections, Troy’s Family was one of the noble families from the Kingdom of Leon, he came here to study in Felix Institute, it can be said that Felix Institute was one of the top institutes of the continent, they were teaching both Warriors and Mages, In the future after graduation Felix students will have bright future, and be very influential, every kingdom will hold them in high regard.


    Boys chatted happily, they became very close to each other, Damon felt warm in heart, he had no brothers or sisters, his family was annihilated,  he didn’t have anyone except for Desil, when they were traveling together he saw kids playing and always felt cold inside, but now that he meet Troy and Lark, Cold in his heart melted and he felt warmth inside.


    On the next day there were noise coming from the north part of institue, today was the day for new students to test if they had affinity to magic, test was very simple every student had to place hand on white ball that instructors brought, then ball will show if you have affinity in any of the elements, there was 3 types of affinity: Low , Middle , High, if one had low affinity it will be hard for him to learnd magic, for middle it was much easier and for high affinity they were gifted and could learn very fast.

    Low affinity in Fire , Middle affinity in Earth, Passed!.

    Middle Affinity in Wind andLight, Passed!.

    No Affinity, Failed!.

    Low affinity in Lighting, Passed!.

    Time flew 2 hours already passed, Damon was waiting patiently, Troy and Lark were by his side.

    High affinity in Fire and Darkness, Passed!.


    soon voice rang out and everyone was dumbfolded it was very rare for someone to have high affinity and to have high affinity in 2 elements it was very rare.

    “Its Kal” someone shouted.

    “so its him, he’s the prodigy who joined institute this year and he is rank 3 warrior too”

    “oh my god hes only 8 years old, his future achievements are unlimited”


    students were chatting among themselves, Damon looked at the prodigy, he was tall with slender body, blonde hair and brown eyes, he gave off unique noble aura.

    “so another genius joined our institute, good” it was headmaster Bastian who was watching test from the top of the building and was smiling.

    Kal came down from testing area and walked in distance he sat there and watched test.


    1 hour passed, there were two students with high affinity one Wind, other Lighting, crowd was astonished another 2 high affinity appeared, headmaster who was watching from a far was elated and smiling happily.

    “Damon Michaelis!” Suddenly voice rang out 

    “Its your turn bro, go show them what you are made of” said Lark with a smile.

    “you will succeed, we believe in you” said Troy while tapping on his shoulder.

    “I will be back in a moment” said Damon while looking at his friends with smile, he was very happy for the fact that he had this two.


    Damon went were ball was located, was calm face, he stood there waiting for instructor to start test, Headmaster was watching him from afar with bright smile on his face he muttered to himself “it’s his time, lets see what will he make, Desil was talking about him highly, I’m curious what will happen” .

    “Place you hand on the ball and concentrate you energy in it” said instructor.


    Damon placed his hand on ball calmly and closed his eyes, everyone was watching, but stone did’t react, if someone have affinity in any of element, stone will shine, if one had affinity in fire stone will shine with red light, in water with blue and so on.


    But stone didn’t had any reaction, in this case one didn’t have any affinity, “he didn’t have affinity in any of the elements?” said headmaster puzzled, he thought that boy will show high affinity, “sigh, so its like this” said headmaster, with disappointment.

    “No affinity, fai..” instructor was going to announce result, but suddenly stone lit up, and flew in air.

    “Whhhaaat?”, all instructors were dumbfolded and stood up, headmaster was looking with open mouth, he didn’t believed his eyes, ball was floating in air.


    Instructors were watching dumbfolded, but soon one of them spoke, “EXCEPTIONAL affinity in Fire and Wind, Middle affinity in Lighting” when crowd heard this they stopped talking and were watching at boy with dumbfolded looks, there was dead silence, Kal who stood in distance was astonished, he didn’t believe what he just heard, Troy and Lark were standing in crowd they too were dumbfolded like others, Damon stood there he too was surprised, he knew what Exceptional affinity meaned, when he was in crowd waiting for his turn he learned that there there was 4 types of affinity 4th Exceptional was like legend, so noone talked about it, in history of Felix Institute there was only one student who had Exceptional affinity thousand years ago and he shook whole continent and suddenly dissapeared, but dual-Exceptional affinity? That was unhead of on the whole continent.


    “p-passedd” said instructor, Damon came down from the stage, everyone made road for him and looked at him with awe and respect, he came to his friends who looked at him with surprised eyes, “bro you are genius, genius of the geniusess, there have never been anyone with dual-exceptional affinity in the history” said Lark while laughing and tapping on his shoulder, “indeed you are true genius, your future will be limitless” said Troy while looking at him, “in future, you must not forget us your bros” said Lark while laughing, Damon laughed and then they left.

    Headmaster was looking at the boy from the top of the building he still was frozen there with dumbfolded eyes, his face then showed smile, “HAHAHAHAHAHHHAAA, Desil i know you said that he was genius, BUT! I have never thinked that he would be MONSTER, HAHAHAHAAA , what future awaits this boy I want to see it.” Said Bastian while laughing loudly and soon he vanished.

    Next day, news spread through the Kingdom that, appeared boy with Dual-Exceptional affinity, everyone was dumbfolded, some didn’t believed what they heard, Damons name spread through the kingdom in an instant , and everyone was astonished, TRUE Genius appeared in the Kingdom of Wenshal.


  • edited November 2015
    Hmm... Yahoo~... I can see you removed the prologue that almost killed me.

    As for what my reactions are after reading your story... it's decent. At least it's not as suffocating as those stories that suddenly throws info-dump or easily throws the readers into a complicated plotline. Though I can see it has the usual "boy genius got a tragic past and seeks to be the strongest" thing...

    Well here will be few of my suggestions for ya: (I don't have the energy to write walls of texts like the previous ones -_-)

    -Use some articles. What are they? They are the "A, AN, THE" you see in sentences. They give information about the noun. (In particularly the common nouns) I can see all common nouns like man, old man, boy, in your story that doesn't have them making the statement pretty awkward.

    -Know when to stop a sentence and to separate paragraphs. Don't overuse comma. The worst sentences comes from faulty and long sentences. There is even the famous KISS (Keep It Short and Simple) term. And your paragraphs has TOOO many dialogues from different animals... I mean different characters. Learn to separate them for different characters. If the character has two dialogues like ["I---" Samuel paused for a while, "can't do it."] then it's fine to join them in one paragraph BUT if two different characters are talking like ["I can't!" (Samuel) "YOU CAN!" (Samuela)] then you SHOULD NEVER join them in one paragraph. It makes the paragraph too confusing. (And yours is one)

    -Always try to see to it that your presentation is clean. Aside from the space errors most writers have here in the forum, the format of your paragraph isn't too pleasing to the eyes. Like I said in the paragraph thing a while ago, you should learn how to separate the dialogues. It will make it cleaner. Although TOO clean (like each paragraph only occupies 1 to 2 lines) also makes people discourage as they will know how lacking your story will be in describing your story.

    -Like I always said in past feedbacks on certain authors... SHOW DON'T TELL... This is usually made by using active voice in your sentences. You actually did it right BUT your story isn't shown correctly... Your story is more like a summary of what happened to Damon's life. It's like you are making a history book called the "GENIUS BOY, DAMON". But don't be discouraged by this, you can always sharpen your weapon as you continue writing your story. Just know that an writer's job is not to tell a story, it's to make the readers cling for more of your story. To make them feel attached with your characters.

    -Don't rush character developments and relationships. As I can see now, the MC got friends with his roommates. As I can somehow appreciate it, I fear I won't be seeing much character developments on them since their relationship are pretty much like brothers in just one night. It makes me think of how Tales of Demon and Gods earned his loyal brothers albeit in your story, it doesn't feel too much motivated with anything. Well you still only have 3 Chapters so I know I am a little too hasty saying this but that's my honest opinion on what may come on later chapters.

    -Fix the weird spacing problems. The weird spacing is made because you copied it from certain text/document softwares and pasted it here. To fix this you can simply copy your intended text THEN press the "paste as text" in the toolbar in Wuxia World.

    -Don't forget to "dress up" your characters. ^_^ No description about it so far so I can only think they are naked or use my small imaginative mind to dress them up myself.
  • thanks for suggestions i appreciate it, its my first time writing so i still need to learn, so again thanks for ponters :3 ^^

  • Alaric said:

    thanks for suggestions i appreciate it, its my first time writing so i still need to learn, so again thanks for ponters :3 ^^

    Glad To Be Of Help. ^_^
  • edited November 2015
    dremaer3 said:

    Another apperance of azure chan with a bunch of wise knowledge.I think your almost a senior.You've grown so fast azure chan
    (●´∀`●)

    Lol~... I Just Want To Help Them On Basic Stuff I've Learned From Reading Different Asian And Western Novels... (Though I'm Still Bad At Grammar And Stuff -_-)

    I Won't Be Senior, Lol~... I'll Still Be Me No Matter What Happens... 
  • Chapter 4 [Remembering Past]



    2 days have passed since magic affinity test, Damon started taking magic classes, in Felix institute some were looking at him with awe, some hated him because he had no background, and they didn’t liked that some commoner drew everyone’s attention, but Damon didn’t paid attention to them.

    In the Fire Class students were waiting for instructor to come, it was Damon’s first time taking magic class, suddenly door opened and young tall man came in with slim fighure, who was around 25 years old, with red hair and black eyes and was wearing long red robe, he stopped in front of students and said, “Hello everyone, from today I will be your instructor in fire element, my name is Hans, nice to meet you.”

    Instructor familiarized himself with students, when he heard Damon’s name he was astonished, 2 days ago genius with dual exceptional affinity appeared in Felix institute, of course he was familiar with damon’s name he looked at him and smiled, “okay, lets start the lesson, you all know that mage needs natural energy to cast spells, this magic energy comes from nature, mages absorb this energy and get stronger, for now lets try to feel this energy, lets start with meditation, close your eyes, clear your mind and try to feel fire energy.”

    students sat in meditative pose, closed eyes and started to feel fire energy, Damon too closed his eyes, cleared his mind, soon he felt red energy flow around him, it was fire energy, he could feel it not only fire but wind too, energy were everywhere he could feel it with ease, he knew that mages needed to absorb natural energy to became stronger, so he started absorbind fire and wind energy around him.

    Instructor Hans was looking at students who were meditating and smiling, soon his eyes fell on Damon and he frowned, “this boy not only he could feel natural energy he absorbs it with ease, what a monster” and thought to himself.

    1 hour passed almost everyone opened eyes and were looking tired, another 20 minutes passed and everyone opened their eyes, except for Damon, he sat there with a smile on his face, everyone was looking at him with amazement, they knew that Damon had exceptional affinity in fire and wind so they were looking at him with interest.

    another hour passed, but damon was still meditating, suddenly he opened his eyes smiled and stood up, he just made breakthrough and became 1st rank mage, “impossible made breakthrough in just 2 hours and became 1st rank mage, how can there be someone like him?” instructor looked at him with dumbfolded look, he didn’t knew what to say.

    After the lesson, Damon went in the library, he took a book and started reading, this book was about Magical Beasts, they too had 9 ranks, and above 9th rank was Supreme Beasts, they could fly and talk, Damon was astonished, “so after 9th rank magical beasts can talk” he thought to himself, Outside Falric city there were Magic Beast range which is a little small than Falric city, there reside countless beasts.

    Damon was so astonished that he wanted to go to the magical beast mountains, to see and fight beasts, but he knew that he was still too weak to go there alone, he needed to train and become stronger.

    From book Damon learned that humans can tame magical beasts and form a contract with them, but it was only possible if beast was acknowledging ones strenghth and was willing to form a contract, and for example rank 5 magical beasts were stronger than 5 rank warriors or mages, so forming a contract with beast was very hard.

    it was already night, Damon closed book and putted it on shelf, he then went to his dorm, when he entered, he saw that Lark and Troy were fighting, Lark was holding slim sword and wearing leather plate, Troy was standing in front of him wearing blue long robe, and on his hand there was floating a fire ball, “oh you are back Damon, wanna join us we are having a spar here” said Lark and looked at damon, Troy nodded with a smile, Damon smiled and said “of course”.

    after 10 minutes, Lark and troy were sweating and sitting of floor, while damon was standing there and smiling, “Its not fair, Damon you are too strong, and I cant believe that you are only 2nd rank warrior,” said Lark while laughing, “I couldn’t have imagined that you already reached 1st rank in magic, and control fire balls so freely,” Troy too was laughing, they knew that Damon was genius so Lark and Troy weren’t discouraged with their defeat, on the contrary they were happy for Damon.

    Damon was only 2nd rank warrior but could defeat 3rd rank warriors, it was result of his non-stop training, as for magic he didn’t knew any spell, but when he saw how Troy was using fire ball, he was enlightened and could freely summon fire balls and control them.

    On another day 3 bros were walking around institute, suddenly voice rang out from the back, “so you are the genius prodigy with dual exceptional affinity Damon, right?” boys turned around and saw 3 boys around their age, in the middle was standing boy with black long hair and brown eyes, he was wearing green long robe, it was him who said this, “yes I’m Damon, may I help you?” said Damon while looking at them with indifferent look, “what do you want, Mike?” said Troy with a frown, “hmm, nothing much, I just wanted to test how strong our Genius prodigy was, that everyone are talking about him” said Mike with a smile on his face, “so can we have a friendly spar? Or are you afraid?” he added with the evil smile on his face.

    Lark and Troy clenched their fists, they were angry  cuz they knew that Mike was 3rd rank warrior and 3rd rank mage, he was taking middle classes and had high status in middle class warrior and mage students, 2 boys, who were on his sides were Gill and Jake, Gill was 3rd rank warrior and Jake was 3rd rank mage, Lark and Troy looked at them with angry  look.

    “Sorry, I am not interested,” said Damon then turned around and continued to walk forward, Lark and Troy smiled and followed him, When Mike saw this he was angry, some commoner just turned away and ignored him, he was raised in noble family and was accustomed that everyone was holding him in high regard, he angrily shouted “What did your father raised you to be coward? I know, I know, he too was a coward and his son is like him” with an evil smile on his face he looked at Damons back, he wanted to ridicule Damon and make him angry so that he can fight him.

    but Mike didn’t knew Damons past, in that moment damon stopped, “don’t listen to him damon, lets just ingore him,” said Lark, “Lark’s right, hes just a coward and bullies weak, lets just ingore him” Troy added, but boys too didn’t knew Damons past, in that moment in damons mind appeared his parents death scene, he remembered how they sacrificed their live to save him.

    He turned around, with his black eyes he looked at the boy, murderous aura was flowing around him, when mike saw him he felt fear in his heard, he was looking in damons eyes, they were pure black and in the center there was hint of Crimson red, mike felt like he was looking in the beasts eyes.

    Damon clenched his fists looked at mike with killing intent and said: “YOU ARE DEAD!” in that instant he jumped and 2 huge Fire balls appeared on his hands, and threw them at him, Mike was horrified with Damons look and havent reacted in time, he still dodged but fire balls burned his upper part of robe and his right hand was burned, “nooooo, my right handdd” he screamed while blood flew from his hand, in that instant Damon appeared in front of him, he clenched his right fist and striked in chest, Mike couldn’t react and spat out blood from his mouth, but Damon didn’t stopped on this, Mike fell down and damon started to punch his face, his was punching like madman, when gill and jake saw this they were horrified, and couldn’t move, even Lark and Troy felt a little horror in ther heart, the scene in front of them was like demon slaughtering man, suddenly one of instructors saw this scene and hurriedly appeared in front of Damon, he was punching mikes face like a mad demon, suddenly his hand stopped, he looked and saw young man stopping his fist and then he clenched his fists and blew Damons chest, with this Damon lost consciousness.

    When instructor looked at mikes body he was horrified, his face was all in blood, theeth’s was missing, even his mother wouldn’t recognize him, he was beaten up so badly that one couldn’t even see his eyes, “you to bring him in nursery, hurry!” Gill and Jake who were horrified with this scene, nodded and took mike’s body away, instructor looked at Damon and thought “how can 8 years old kid make something like this?” he then looked at Troy and Lark “you two go to your classes” with worried faces on their faces they asked “what will happen to our bro?” after all that happened, they were still worried about Damon, and understood that he must have his own reasons for doing this.

    “Headmaster will decide what to do” said Instructor he then took Damon and headed in the direction of Headmasters office, Troy and Lark looked with worring faces, then turned around and left.

  • edited December 2015
    Thanks For The Chapter~...


    Still I Can See The Same Problems... No Articles, Paragraphs Overflowed By More Than One Mammal's Dialogue, etc..

    This chapter also has lots of mistakes in spellings and stuffs than the other chapter. (or so I remember, can't be bothered reading them again. sorry)

    The BIGGEST mistake will be the "NURSERY". Be reminded that "nursery" isn't a place to treat injured people. It's a room for infants, or educational institute for kids ages 3-5, or a place to raise plants or young trees, usually for commercial means.
  • Chapter 5 - First Journey Begins!


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    Damon saw how his parents were looking at him, his mother was crying and his father was looking at him with a feeble look, he was cursing himself for not being able to defend his family, their mansion was burning and horrible screams of could be heard from inside, than Desil took him and escaped, while escaping he saw his parents standing there, around them was dozens of masked figures, in a moment he saw how his parent were stabbed, it was for only a moment but he saw it, “NOOOOOOO” he screamed and suddenly opened eyes, looked around and saw Headmaster who was sitting in front of him.

    “did you saw a nightmare?” asked Headmaster with worried look, “no, just memories of the past” said Damon while looking at the window, his eyes showed slight sings of tears, Headmaster knew what Damon mean when saying Memories of the past, Desil told him about his past, he looked at the boy and thinked for himself “at such an young age to see the whole family being massacred” Headmaster sighed and looked at the young boy.

    “what happened to him?” he was asking about mike, not like he was worried about him or something, it was just interest, “Mike’s every part of the face is broken, he fainted from the shock and still haven’t woken up, he was healed with healing magic, so he will not die”.

    Damon sighed, it was good that he wasn’t dead, because if he died his family will seek revenge, for now Damon was not strong enough to have enemies, “his family  ….” He said this two words and stopped, “his from noble family that have some influence in the city, but you don’t have to worry I will take care of everything, I understand how you feel but for now you are still weak and have huge potential, until you became stronger try to refrain yourself.”

    Damon felt warm in his heart, he understood that Headmaster was worrying about him, he nodded and smiled a bit, “for now go back to your dorm and have a good rest” Headmaster said it with a smile and tapped Damon’s shoulder.

    Damon returned to 303 dorm, Lark and Troy were back and waiting for him, he opened door and saw 2 boys sitting together with worried faces, “Damon how are you, are you injured anywhere? Did Headmaster punish you? What happened?” Troy and Lark asked with curiosity, Damon smiled and sat down, he told them everything about his past, he knew that Troy and Lark were his best friends so it was okay for them to know, when they heard whole story, Troy and Lark were heartbroken and feel sorry for Damon.

    “Anyway you have us, we three will forever be bros and you can count on us” said Lark with a huge smile on his face, Troy nodded, on Damons eyes there were traces of tears, he then smiled and hugged them, with a smile they too hugged him tightly and then they chatted all the day.

    When Mike’s father find out about his son, he rushed in Felix Institute, with rage he wanted to know who did it and slice him in thousand parts, but Headmaster told him that it was his sons fault, and when talking he felt pressure coming from Headmaster, from that he realized that his family must not seek revenge or they will be making Felix Institute their enemy, so this incident ended like this.

    1 month passed and Damon was already 3rd rank warrior and 2nd rank mage, everyone were astonished about his growth, this days were peaceful, no one made trouble for him, so he could concentrate on training, he made big breakthroughs in fire and wind elements, as for lighting he didn’t knew anything about it so for now he was only concentrated on fire and wind.

    Damon was reading many books past month and gained some knowledge, he read many books about magical beasts and wanted to go to magical beast range for training, he needed to experience real danger to became strong, when he told about this to Troy and Lark they were against it and wanted to persuade him, but soon they realized that he already made up his mind, so it was meaningless to persuade him.

    If he wanted to leave Institute for training he needed to get permission from Headmaster, so he went to his office and knocked, “Come in” voice rang out from inside, Damon entered and saw Headmaster talking with some man, he had slim body and brown hair, on his face there was a scar near the left eye, he was wearing typical green long robe, when Damon came in headmaster said to man with a scar “Oscar, we will continue out conversation later, you can go now” man named Oscar nodded bowed slightly and said “yes milord” he then left the room.

    “what is it Damon, do you need something?” said headmaster and smiled, “Headmaster I want to go to the Magical Beast Range for training,” when headmaster heard this his smile changed and frown appeared on his face, “Damon Magical Beast Range is dangerous place, I cant let you go there, you might die there,” said headmaster, worrying could be felt in his speech, Damon understood this, “headmaster I know that you are worrying about me, but if I didn’t explore danger and fight if with my own strength I won’t be able to became stronger, I know that it is dangerous place, I will be careful and will not make rushed decisions, when Desil left he too told me that for me to became stronger I need to experience real danger and overstep it.”

    when headmaster heard this he didn’t knew what to say, it was true that for one to became stronger he needs to meet danger and be able to fight it with his own strength, but Damon was still 9 years old kid, Magical Beast Range was dangerous palce where even adults feared to enter.

    When he looked in Damons eyes he understood that this boy already made up his mind and there was nothing that can stop him, he saw unwavering determination in his eyes.

    Headmaster let out a sigh, “I know that you are worrying about me and I am grateful for it” Damon looked at man who was sitting on chair and with a hand on his head thinking what to do, headmaster then stood up smiled and said “I understand, but you must remember one thing Magical Beast Range is very dangerous place, not only beasts there are humans that rob and kill each other too, I can’t stop you but remember that you must always be on guard and be wary of everything.” 

    Damon nodded and said “thank you Headmaster, I will be careful and remember your warning” he then turned around and left the room.

    Headmaster was looking at Damon from window, then he let out a sigh and left room.

    Damon told everything to Troy and Lark, they were unhappy about the fact that their bro was leaving and he was going in a dangerous place, but they could do nothing about it, still guys smiled and said, “Damon you must be careful there, stay away from danger and come back shortly” they hugged him tightly.

    Damon said goodbye to friends and took his bag, there were some food and dress, he then left Institute and started traveling to his destination, From Felix Institute to Magical Beas Range there was 5 thousand kilometers, Beldal City too was 5 thousand kilometers away from Falric City but it was on another direction

    Like this 9 year old boy, around 1.3 cm tall, with black hair and deep black eys, wearing black long robe with symbols all over and red scarf around his neck, started his first journey.
  • wait what? chapter one said it was normal for someone to break through in 2-3 years but he's a genius and took 3 years?!?!
  • edited December 2015
    A Person said:

    wait what? chapter one said it was normal for someone to break through in 2-3 years but he's a genius and took 3 years?!?!

    you got it wrong (its right that average person not a 5 years old kid needs around 2-3 years to breakthrough from 1st to 2nd, but Damon 8 year old kid breakthrough 2 levels in 3 year, so yes hes genius )) its not about how strong is he, its about talent [i could make him more stronger but whats the point in it? story would have been meaningless ))] 

    have i answered your question? :)
  • Chapter 6 - In dire straits

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    4 days passed and Damon arrived at the outskirts of Mountain Beast Range, he looked in front of him and sighed, “so this is the Mountain Beast Range” he was amazed in front of him was tall mountains, huge trees, Damon was traveling with caravan so in just 4 days he was here, he read so many books about Mountain Beast Range and now it was right before him, he clenched his fists and entered forest.

    He was aware of dangers, so he was walking cautiously on his back was slim silver sword around 70 cm length, It was common sword that he took from Institute, he walked around 1 hour but didn’t saw any beast or human being, Damon wasn’t disappointed and didn’t let his guard down, another 10 minutes passed he was going deeper in forest, from what he read from books, on outskirts there were low level beasts, their level was going up in deeper parts of forest.

    “Awwwwww” suddenly voice rang out Damon instantly withdrew his sword and was ready for fight, voice was coming from around 100-150 meters in front of him and was getting near, in just seconds beast appeared in front of Damon, it was around 2 meters long, with muscular body, his fur was silver with deep black eyes, it was silver moon wolf rank 2 magical beast, Damon read about this beast in books, it had very strong body and sharp claws, in the night its fur was reflecting moon’s light and shining, because of this it was called Silver moon wolf.

    Beast was looking at Damon with fierce eyes, Damon clenched sword tightly and was ready for fight, he knew that Silver moon wolf’s claws were very sharp so it was best to avoid direct contact, he started chanting spell, “wind walking” when he said this words his body became lighter, now he could move freely, Wind Walking was rank 2 wind spell, it enchanted user’s speed, now Damon was twice fast than before.

    When Wolf saw damon casting spell he reacted instantly and started running towards him, wolf appeared in front of Damon and swung his claw in direction of his head, but it was too late Damon already casted Wind Walking and dodged beasts claw, he appeared on the left side of the beast and casted another magic spell “Fire Ball” fire ball size of human head flew from his left hand in direction of beast, wolf reacted and cut through fire ball with his claw, but it was too late Damon was already behind him, wolft couldn’t react on time and was cut by Damon, “awww” it let out a low growl and fell on groud, it was first time for Damon killing a beast, his blood was boiling with excitement in his eyes, “so this is real combat” he said to himself, then he walked to the dead beast and started to cut its body, inside was located Magical Beast Core.

    Magical Beast cores were expensive, Level 2 beast cores price was around 200 gold, higher level cores were thousands of golds worth, so Damon wouldn’t just leave this wolfs core here, he took out core from body, it white ball size of fist and put it into his bag.

    2 month passed, Damon already killed dozens of level 1 and 2 magical beasts and made breakthrough he was now 3rd rank warrior, his hair was disorderd, all of his body was in dirt and blood, his clothes were tattered, in his bag he had another pair of robe, but Damon didn’t use it because he was engaging in battle everyday, so it was no use in new clothes, one night he was sitting near big boulder, he was frying beast meat.

    Next morning Damon was hunting magical beasts just like past months, now he was facing snake around 6 meters long, “so its Poisonous Gray Python” he once read that Poisonous Gray Pythons are rare creatures, heir body is tough and can break peoples bones if catch by it, plus it has poison in his fangs but they are slow and weak against fire magic.

    Damon smiled and while looking at Gray Python he casted spell “Fire Ball” in an instant fire ball appeared on his hand damon already mastered this skill so he could unleash its full strength and cast it instantly, fire ball was shoot in snake’s direction and when it touched Python’s body it started to flounder, in just seconds snakes whole body was burnt and its core was on ground, Damon picked it up stored in his bag.

    just like this he killed two more beasts and was searching for another prey but suddenly he heard terrible growl, something was approaching him, he looked behind and saw gigantic creature 5 meters high with fierce golden eyes it was Golden Eyed Bear, “why is golden eyed bear here?!” Damon stared at the huge creature with disbelief it was rank 5 beast, it had pitch black fur and golden eyes in the dark when only his eyes were visible and from here comes his name.

    Past 2 month Damon met 3 rank 3 beasts, he hardly killed them but took big damage, rank 3 beasts was already his limits as for rank 5? It was certain death.

    Damon understood that he mustn’t fight this bear or only death awaits him, he hurriedly casted Wind Walking and started to escape, bear saw this and started running towards him, Damon looked back and was horrified huge beast was chasing after him like mad and was catching up, “what to do, what to doo” Damon was asking himself.

    Bear was nearing him with every past second and in a blink of an eye he was already near his back, Damon looked behind and saw claw coming after him, he couldn’t escape so only choice was to block it, instantly fire ball appeared on his left hand, he shot it in direction of claw and unsheathed his sword.

    claw got past fire ball like it was nothing and sliced Damons chest, he blocked it with sword but when they clashed sword broke, he was sent flying and fell on ground 10 meters from bear, on his chest there was huge wound, “phtt” blood was flowing from his mouth, with a pale face he got on his knees and looked at bear, beast was looking at him with his fierce golden eyes, and preparing to tear him in peaces.

    Damon thought to himself “will I die like this?” he remembered how his parents died, he wanted to get revenge, became stronger, in this world strong ruled and weak died, he wanted power, power to get revenge, power to stand on the top!.

    Bear started walking towards him, Damon wanted to run but couldn’t “MOVEEEE” he was shouting on himself, he bite his tongue and forced himself to stand, blood sprayed from his mouth, he turned around and started to run from bear but after 10 meters he fell on ground.

    He turned around and looked at bear that was already in front of him, he felt that it was end for him and suddenly pictures started to appear in his mind how he met with Lark and Troy, they were his first friends, he remembered his life with Desil, Damon didn’t wanted to die but his body wasn’t listening to him.

    “so this is the end” he looked at bear who was going to crush him and muttered to himself.

    Bear raised his hand and was going to crush Damon with his claw, but suddenly “HOUU!” loud roar rang out.

  • What a cliffhanger!  Thanks for the chapter though.
  • glad that you liked :3 currently im searching for proofreader so in future there wont be any problems with articles and other parts of the story :3
  • Chapter 7 - First Blood

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    Soo Bloody Conqueror returns! i was searching for PR so fiction was on hold and then appeared oONekoGami, big thanks ^^

    first two chapters were already edited, and problems fixed, soon all six chapters will be fixed xD

    and theres the main news xD, from now each chapter will be around 2500 words and more!!!

    i'm planning to realease chapters faster, so if you like fiction comment, rate.... :3 i want to know readers opinion ^^^

    =================================

    Just when Damon thought that it was the end, a terrifying roar rang out from behind. Damon hardly looked behind and was stupefied. There was a beast standing about 2 meters tall, its body was around 3 meters long with deep black fur and crimson red eyes. Damon knew this beast, it was a Rank 6 Crimson Wolf, its name came from the beast’s eyes. When hunting in the dark for prey only his crimson eyes are visible. It was a rank 6 magical beast, but had the power of an ordinary rank 7 beast.

    “This must be its territory” thought Damon, while looking at the horrifying beast.

    When the Golden Eyed Bear saw the Crimson Wolf, its face twisted in fear. It didn’t realize that while hunting Damon, they had entered the Crimson Wolf’s territory.

    “Grrrrr” the Crimson Wolf started walking towards the Golden Eyed Bear, this beast had invaded his territory, so only death awaited him. The strange thing was that the Crimson Wolf didn’t even looked at Damon, in its eyes, he was too weak and wasn’t even worth looking at. When Damon realized this, he let out a sigh of relief. He was safe for now, but he needed to get away from here as soon as possible because if the Crimson Wolf took interest in him he was dead for sure.

    The Crimson Wolf started running towards the Golden Eyed Bear. It was so terrified that it couldn’t even flee. In an instant the Wolf had already appeared before him and swung its claws. The Bear couldn’t dodge the attack and lost its left eye. It had only started screaming, but already another claw had flown right into its stomach. Blood was flowing nonstop, and the Bear let out a poor scream as it fell to the ground.

    When Damon looked at this scene he was stupefied “so this is the power of a rank 6 magical beast” he thought to himself. The fight hadn’t even started and the bear was already dead. The Crimson Wolf was a really terrifying beast... To kill a rank 5 beast this easily.

    The Crimson Wolf turned around and started walking towards Damon. When Damon saw the beast moving in his direction his heart stopped beating, confused to on what to do he closed his eyes and stopped breathing.

    Damon was awaiting death. It was the horrible moment, when you know that you will die. Seconds were flowing like years for him, suddenly he heard wolf's roar “HOUUU”, “This is the end” He thought again but nothing happened. Damon slowly opened his eyes looked around but Crimson Wolf was gone. He couldn’t understand what happened just now. Why beast didn’t killed him? He was puzzled and was thinking about answer, but soon stopped thinking about it, “Fate gave me another chance, huh” he thought for himself and closed his eyes.

    2 Weeks passed and Damon's wounds had healed, he left Crimson Wolf's territory and returned to the outskirts of the Mountain Beast Range, and was hunting rank 2 and 3 beasts, after that “Life and Death” incident, he was careful and was avoiding stronger beasts, his strength increased and the magical energy in his body was increasing, if he continues to meditate and practice, soon he’ll make a breakthrough.

    It was a sunny day, beast’s screams could be heard in the Mountain Beast Range, a young boy was killing rank 2 and rank 3 beasts with smooth and elegant movements. It was Damon, one month already passed since that incident. He made a breakthrough and was a already rank 3 Mage, his physical strength increased dramatically. On rank 2 beasts, Damon didn’t need to use magic, just a sword. This past month, he had been improving his swordplay.

    Damon just killed a Rank 3 Beast Azure Mastiff and was going to get the core from its body but suddenly he heard screaming “AHHHHH, HELPPP!” it was a girl's voice, Damon quickly left the beast’s body and with the help of ‘wind walking’ he appeared at the place where the voice was coming from, it was around 300 meters from Damon.

    When he got there Damon saw a young girl with blonde hair, brown eyes, she was around 14-15 years old, her clothes were tattered all over and there were wounds on her knees. She was facing a rank 3 magical beast White Mastiff. It had black eyes and snow white fur, White Mastiffs were small beasts around 1 meter high but they had monstrous strength.

    When Damon saw the situation he leaped and arrived in front of a girl, “Wind Cutter” he muttered quietly and slashed his sword, the attack was aimed at the Mastiffs neck. The Beast couldn’t react in time and died instantly, Wind Cutter was a rank 3 wind technique, with this technique Damon’s sword became many times faster and stronger, for normal eyes it seemed like his sword disappeared.

    Blood flew from beast’s throat, Damon cut its stomach and got the core. He put it into the bag then turned around and looked at the girl, he approached her and said “are you okay?” The girl was looking at him and then said “Yes, thank you. If it wasn’t for you, I would have probably been dead already.” While cleaning her dress, “Umm, can you please help me? My name is Clair. Me and my friends came here together and I lost them, can you help me find them?” She looked into Damon’s eyes with an innocent face.

    Damon came here for training and didn’t had time for anything else but when he saw the look in her eyes, he let out a sigh and said “Okay. I’ll help you find them.” Clair smiled in response, suddenly Damon felt another Beast nearing them and told Clair “Stand behind me, there’s still one more beast.” Clair stood behind Damon and soon the beast appeared before them. “So it's just an Orange Striped Spider...” Damon made a smile while looking at the beast. It was another rank 3 beast, it was black all over the body and had orange stripes. It also had a dangerous poison, but Damon has already killed a couple of Orange striped Spiders, so he didn’t think he would have any problem.

    He had just unsheathed his sword and was about to kill the beast when suddenly he felt pain from behind, he placed his hand on his back, then he looked at it and there was BLOOD! Yes, blood. Clair who was standing behind him just stabbed Damon with a knife. Damon fell onto his knee, his eyes darkened a bit and suddenly five figures appeared in front of him. They killed spider and then “Hohoho, another victim for today. Clair bring his bag here, let’s see what he got.” One of them, who seemed to be the leader said while smiling. Clair took Damon’s bag and gave it to the man.

    The Bandits leader opened the bag and was amazed. “Wow, so much Monster cores.” All of them had widened eyes, they didn’t think that this kid would have so much Monster Cores and on top of it there were rank 2 and 3 cores. Clair approached Damon and said “Thanks for saving me, but you see, it was a trap. Kukuku.” There was an evil smile on her face. She then approached her teammates and started to count the Beast cores.

    Damon was standing there on his knees, he still didn’t get what happened. And only one question was on his mind “WHY? He had saved girl and then got stabbed by her. Why did this happened to him? He was thinking, and then he had remembered something. “that’s right” on his face smile appeared “that’s how this world is arranged”, he was too naïve and kindhearted. In the institute he got friends who cared about him and was happy but he was too naïve in this world. You can’t trust everybody who has a smile on their face. “HAHAHAHAHAHA!” He suddenly he started to maniacally laugh.

    The Bandits turned around and saw Damon who was laughing like a madman, “Whats with him?” said the leader, when suddenly fire appeared on Damon’s hand. He then placed it on his wound, “Kughh!” The pain he felt was excruciating but it was necessary. Because if he left wound like this, he would die from blood loss.

    Damon burned wound on his back and slowly stood up, he then looked at people in front of him “EVERYONE OF YOU IS GOING TO DIE!!!” with a smile on his face he said these sharp words and unsheathed his sword.

    When the bandits witnessed this they were stupefied, in front of them was a kid of only around 10 years old. Yet all of them felt danger, in their group there were 4 warriors and two mages. The mages were rank 2, and the warriors rank 3. Their leader was a rank 4 warrior and were your average bandits. In the Mountain Range of Beasts they had ambushed weak people and robbed them, but none of them had ever seen anything like this before. Clair was looking at Damon with wide eyes. In that moment, Damon was like a demon that has been resurrected, in his eyes there were hints of crimson light like a beast’s, with tattered clothes and blood on his face, he was really like a small demon.

    “KILL HIM!” shouted the leader and all of the bandits came to their senses, 3 warriors leaped. Their weapons unsheathed and mages started casting magic. Clair was a mage too, her affinity was fire and she and her partner casted fireballs and shot them in Damon’s direction.

    Damon had already casted wind walking magic and easily dodged the fireballs. One warrior approached him and slashed with his sword. In Damon’s eyes he was too slow so it was easy to dodge this strike. He dodged the bandit’s strike and with a casual strike slashed the bandits neck. The bandit held on to his neck he wanted to scream but voice was not coming out. He fell on the floor and stopped moving. “So this is what it feels like to kill human.” Thought Damon. His hands were shaking, it was not because he was scared, he was excited. His blood started to boil.

    Seeing their teammate dead, the other two warriors were nervous and attacked together. The mages didn’t know any other spells, so they kept shooting fireballs but it was useless. Damon was dodging them with ease, two warriors approached him and just when they were about to strike him Damon shouted “Wind cutter” and cut both bandits fell in half.

    He then appeared in front of a male mage. He was very fast and thrusted his sword in his stomach, another bandit collapsed and fell on the floor. Now there was only two left. The Leader and Clair!

    “Now it’s your turn.” He looked at the leader. “DON’T FUCK WITH ME KID!” The leader roared and with his axe in hand, rushed towards Damon. He was a rank 4 warrior and didn’t believed that the kid could defeat him.

    When the Bandit leader approached Damon and swung his axe, Damon dodged but not completely. He blocked the axe with his sword and took 5 steps back. “He’s strong.” Thought Damon, “Wind cutter!” Damon roared and made a strike. The leader dodged the attack, on his face there was a little scratch. “Is this all you got kid? Hahahaha come at me!” He roared, with his axe in hand he leaped and arrived in front of Damon. He was swinging his axe nonstop, Damon was hardly dodging attacks, “This isn’t good, I must quickly dispose of him or I might lose.” He thought as he leaped back. On his hand, a fireball appeared that was the size of a human head. He then shot it, and started running towards the leader. “That won’t work kid!” Exclaimed the leader and swung his axe in front of fireball. He cut it, but sadly Damon was already in front of him. “This is the end, Wind Cutter!” Said Damon and slashed his sword, the leader had wanted to block it but he couldn’t react as everything happened too fast. “Noo!” He screamed and in that instant his head fell down to the ground.

    Now there was only Clair left. When she saw her leader’s head roll on ground she felt horror. She didn’t know what to do and she started running. She didn’t want to fight Damon because she would die, so her only option was to run.

    When Damon saw this he smiled, and started running towards Clair, when he approached her, with an evil voice he said “Where are you running to?” and slashed his sword on Clair’s legs, “AAGHH!” she screamed and fell to the ground. Damon stopped and started to slowly approach her, “Noo…. don’t come near me... please... it wasn’t my fault! They forced me to do it! Please! Don’t kill meee… pleaseee...” She was begging, but there was no emotion on Damon’s face. He approached her and with a fierce look he said “Die.” and thrust his sword into her stomach, she screamed but soon there was silence. Damon took his sword out and Clair collapsed.

    Damon let out a sigh and looked at the sky, he was only 10 years old and had already killed 6 humans. ‘Was it right?’ He asked himself, but soon stopped thinking about it because in the world where he lived, the strong devoured the weak. They wanted to kill and rob him so in response he killed them.

    Damon took their monster cores and money, placed it in his bag and disappeared into the forest.

    ==================================

    P.S Name First Blood came from killing first human and not beast, some of u may say that he already killed first creature, but this name sounds cooler xD ^^

  • Chapter 8 - Crimson Ring

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    sorry guys chapter is a bit late, cant be helped i have exams ^^ it still needs PR so there are some errors, i will edit it when i'll have PR-ed version, (i have proofreader but im still searching for others, to release chapters faster so if someone is interested contact me :3)

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    Year passed since Damon came to the Mountain Beast Range in this past year he was killing beasts nonstop and sharpening his skills, he was aready  11 years old and became rank 4 warrior and rank 4 mage,  his cultivation speed was monstrous, Damon truly was Genius to becam rank 4 warrior and mage at the age of 11 was unheard of.

    In the past year Damon met couple of bandits, they wanted to rob him so without mercy he killed them.

    Damon was 11 years old but wasn’t hesitating to kill a human, because at the age of 5 he witnessed massacre of his entire family, because of that his psychic changed, he wasn’t evil and didn’t received joy in killing humans, it was just “kill or be killed”, if person showed kindness he would repay them with kindness but if someone wanted to hurt him or his loved ones he will repay them hundredfold.

    He was killing rank 4 beasts with ease and could kill some of rank 5 or if not kill he could hold his ground, he didn’t knew any spells apart from fire ball, wind walking and wind cutter, because he haven’t seen any others apart from this and wasn’t on a level where he could develop technique himself, because of this he was fighting monsters mostly with sword and pure strength, his body was already tough, wounds healed faster and his swordsmanship was becoming better with each day.

    Damon made another discovery now he could barely control his battle-qi and enchance his body, with this it was easier to fight monsters. 

    every person can absorb battle-qi from nature but one need to train his body to its limits to store more amount of battle-qi, if body is weak, then theres a limit on how much battle-qi body can store, Damon was training and meditating everyday, he was sleeping around 1-2 hours a day, his body was already like a steel, normal beasts attacks couldn’t made a serious wound on his body.

    His control over magical energy increased too, he was rank 4 mage but was thinking that if he fought rank 5 mage if he cant defeat him/her then he could hold his ground, when he was meditating Damon could clearly feel Fire and Wind energy around him and absorb it with ease, for him it was very easy, he could feel earth and water energy too but it was too weak, as of lighting, normal meditating couldn’t help him train in lighting element, it was dangerous to train in lighting element, it was too early for him, so for now he wasn’t thinking about it.

    “Kyaaaa” suddenly damon heard girls scream, it was like a year ago when girl named Clair lied to him, she and bandits wanted to rob and kill him but he survived, from the beginning he didn’t paid attention to scream but when he heard it again he let out a sigh and walked in the direction of scream.

    When he arrived he saw girl lying on a ground around 13-14 years old with blonde hair and slim figure, girl was rather pretty, if not tattered clothes and dirt on face, around her were standing 4 boys around 14-15 years old, their power was rather weak for Damon, strongest of them was rank 4 warrior, they didn’t have mage.

    When Damon saw situation he realized situation a bit, looking at girls tattered clothes and eyes full of tears, then boys whose mouth were full of saliva, they wanted to rape girl, he let out a sigh and leaped in a second Damon appeared in front of a girl.

    Suddenly girl stopped crying, and four boys with a frown were looking at damon, “who the hell are you, kid?” one of them said with a smirk, but don’t got an answer, “get the hell out of here or you will die with her, do you hear me kid?” said the same boy, Damon didn’t even looked at him he turned around and looked at girl who was lying on a ground, suddenly girl started crying “please help me, *huff* they wanted t-to r-rape me please d-don’t leave me”, she said while looking at Damon, she knew that damon was no mere kid, when he appeared it there wasn’t even sound, he landed on ground elegantly, so she hoped that this kid, no young boy could save her.

    When Damon heard this and looked at girl who was shaking and tears were flowing from her beautifull blue eyes, his heart ached, in the past year he saw many things, he saw human nature, he was betrayed, many wanted to kill him, his heart was cold, but looking in her eyes he felt something, his heart ached, from the beginning he wasn’t cruel, he was kindhearted, but Damon knew that in this world sometimes one needed to be cruel, merciless, because in this world it was rule of jungle strength was only rule, there were rules written by humans but still if someone had power, than he didn’t gave a f*ck about rules.

    Damon turned around, looked at the boys in front of him and said “the scum like you doesn’t deserve to live” while saying this he unsheated his sword, and approached boys, when he appeared he had already casted wind walking so he was extremally fast for rank 4 warriors, in an instant he appeared in front of boys who were shaking with fear, “wind cutter” he muttered and made a slash, he was releasing battle-qi so his attacks were stronger, when he ended his attack “pshhh” sound of blood could be heard, all four boys heads were missing and blood was splashing from their bodies and soon they collapsed on the ground.

    Girl was looking with wide eyes, she knew that boy in front of her was strong but she never thought for Damon to have strength like that, she stood up, approached Damon and said while bowing her head “t-tthank you very much, if n-not for you I would have been dead, I will always remember this kindness”, when damon saw her he sighed “its nothing much, I just don’t like that kind of people that’s all”, girl looked at him and for a moment her face got red “I’m Kate, my I know your name?”, “I’m Damon, by the way what are you doing here alone?” he asked, it was rare for a girl like her to be in Mountain Beast Range alone.

    “Ummm, I met this guys in a small village near this forest, I wanted to see what Mountain Beast Range was like, they were coming here to kill monsters and invited me, I was happy and agreed, so like this we came here but when we entered forest, they showed true colors and wanted to rape me, so I run from them, but soon they catched me and then you appeared”.  Said Kate, She and Damon sat near a tree, Damon gave her his clean clothes and food.

    “So, it was like this, huh” Damon looked at her with a pity, then he stood up “I need to train, its dangerous for you to be here I can take you out of the forest, but not further do you agree?” Kate looked at him and nodded “Umm, thank you again, I want to leave this place as soon as possible”, she stood up and followed Damon, in about a hour they got out from forest, kate thanked damon and went to the village, from where she came, Damon was looking at her leaving for about a minute and then again entered forest.

    He was walking slowly in the depths of forest where rank 4 and 5 magical beasts resided, he walked around 1 hour but still didn’t saw any of beasts, suddenly from his left near a tree he saw something that was shining on a suns light, he neared tree and saw Crimson Ring, he picked it up and started to observe it, on a ring there was dragon imprinted, apart from that it was just a simple ring, but when Damon was holding it was like ring was calling him, suddenly he remembered when he was traveling with Desil they spoke about Divine Artifacts, but on the Continent of Esterlyn Divine Artifacts were very rare and because of that there were not many things known about it, he knew that one need to put his blood on Artifact to activate and bond it.

    “let’s try and see what happens” thought Damon and cut his finger, then dropped blood on ring and put it on his finger, in that moment energy overflowed Damon, it was like he was absorbing energy of heaven and earth with a terrifying speed, he fell on his knees, so much energy just flowed in him he couldn’t handle it, it was like he would break at any moment “GHHAAAAA” he screamed and fell on the ground unconscious.

    He opened his eyes and it was already dark, “what happened?” he thought for himself puzzled, then he looked at the ring but there wasn’t anything special, he took a meditative pose and started to meditate, Damon entered his conscience, there was river with no end, in the center there was something like a Crimson orb, size of a fist, but the most important thing was that he made a breakthrough! He was already rank 5 mage, he was astonished, “just what is this ring?” he thought to himself, Damon understood that it was because of ring that he made a breakthrough, and in his conscience there was Crimson Orb hovering in the air, he didn’t knew what it was, for an hour he was observing it but didn’t found out anything.

    “whooaaaa” he exclaimed and opened his eyes, his training speed increased dramatically, when Damon was meditating fire and wind energy were coming to him, like they were a living thing they were hovering around him and he was absorbing it with ease, like it was natural for him to be like this, he was even sensing earth and water energy, “just what happened to my body” he was thinking for himself but soon stopped, something happened to his body but it was something amazing, he was happy that it was him who found this ring.

    it was already dawn and damon stopped meditating and stood up, he was cheerful, his body was so light it was like he was reborn, “its time to hunt” with a face on his smile he started walking towards the deeper parts of forest.

    Damon didn’t knew that Crimson Ring that he found would entirely change his life and future.



  • this story is great even the pacing  of it so far i havnt seen the bull shiz where some old fella try mold his destiny 
    serious question i seen romance on  the genre will his partner travel with him alot in the future
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