Blank Paper : Time of Origin Chapter I released

Okay guys well, for the introduction i've been pondering that i must post the introduction first
if you find out there's some mistake in grammar, feel free to criticize me :)
and please i want to know what you guys thinking about my story after i post an actual sneak peek yesterday
because my mind is restless thinking about "is my story good? or is there some mistake in my choice of words? or other?"

So once again, i really appreciate if there's someone willing to leave some comment so i can improve my work :)

well, here for the first is the intro 
and the first chapter will take longer because my mind is in complete chaos everytime i write the story :((

Hope you enjoy!!!
:) :) :)

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In a place where no one from the present time know, a man is being chased by two hazy being.
With his wit he succeeded to escape from the two hazy being. 
Think that he has really got away, he then take out a watch-like object from his pocket while muttering to himself
"If i know that things going to be like this, i'll never take this kind of job ever again."
Then he did something to the watch-like object and then put it again inside his pocket while 
he's walking into the misty road that no one know where it'll let him go.

*****
In a certain country that known as the place with so many islands and diversity. In one of its island,
a man walking down the street under the night sky with blank looks in his eyes.
The man muttering to himself."I am really a useless and hopeless fools."
"Everything what i did is useless and what i gain is nothing but mocking eyes."  
"Everybody act as if i don't ever exist at all." 
His voice shaking as he continue to walk as if the road he's walking into is a road to nothingness.
Then he stop walking after hundreds of steps, he stop and stand still on the road for 5 minutes then he talk to himself again.
"I don't have any purpose for this world, i'm nothing to his world, it's like i don't even needed in the fist place"
".............I feel like......i want to die....but....i'm not willing to die......even if i kill myself, i'll go straight to hell and its making my very existent to be more pitiable." Then he taking a deep breath and sigh heavily when suddenly he feels very sleepy.
"Why i', so sleepy all of a sudden? ah i must go home before i fall asleep on the street and things will get dangerous." 
he fought that feeling of sleepiness and finally able to reach his home. 
After he open the door of his home, unable to withstand the sleepiness anymore, he then fell down on the floor.
At the time he fell asleep he then see himself do some kind of setting at a watch-like object and then start to walking into a mist.
"Where am i? why my body moves on its own? and why i'm not feeling sleepy anymore?"


BLANK PAPER :
Time of Origin

INTRODUCTION :

In a place inside the unknown universe, there is a forbidden artifact that possessed by one divine being of
that universe that must not be possessed to mankind. Even the information about
this artifact is not known whether its shape, weight, or its function. However,
under some unexpected circumstance there’s a man with unknown background who
actually stole it because of his job to make a living. Not knowing that the
thing he steal might bring him various harm to himself, he still do the job
until its nearly finish. With curiousity that lingering in his mind, he then
check it and unexpectedly activate the mechanism of the artifact without him
knowing it. Then, the thing that human understanding cannot reach………happen.

Comments

  • edited November 2015

    Du..du...duuu...dun

    Get a hold of yourself everyone 

    i want to present you all the very first chapter today!!!!!

    so i want you to give me some advice about some words i used or about the story

    so please make as many argument as you want

    :) :) :)



    Chapter I : Pursuit

    “Drap…drap….drap….drap…..!!”

     

    The sounds of footsteps reverberate in
    an alley of a modern city with orderly arrangement. On the right and left side
    of this alley are a wall with a height around six to seven meters from the
    start until the end of the alley.

     

    “Damn it!! I choose the wrong alley. This alley making my
    footsteps to reverberate and more audible instead.” He thought.

     

    Instantly, he remove his shoes and
    then throw it beyond the left wall. After that, he continue running to the end
    of the alley. A few seconds later, another footsteps can be heard from behind
    him. Afterward, came another two man from the corner of the alley.

    These two man is not exactly a “man”
    rather a humanoid-shaped patrol guards that specialized to guard some important
    place in this city. From their look, its hard to know what they look like
    because the aura they’re giving off making it difficult to know what are the
    exact appearance of these guards.

     

    “STOP, TRESSPASSER!!! YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE RULES OF THIS CITY.
    IF YOU KEEP RUNNING, YOU WILL GET MORE PUNISHMENT FROM THE JUDGE!!!” Shout one
    of the guards.

     

    The two guards running while starting
    to remove some of their armament wanting to increase their speed. The man who
    threw his shoes before when he heard that guard shout starting to shudder. He
    increase his speed to his limit until he nearly at the end of the alley. Before
    he get out from that alley, he open his cloak and immediately take out three
    flasks. He throw the first flask to the guards then the other two to the ground
    in front of the guards.

     

    The first flask that he threw immediately
    shattered by the hand swing of one of the guards. Then, the liquid inside the
    flask instantly evaporise and making the guards a bit startled. The second and
    the third flasks then shatter at the same time on the ground in front of the
    guards. At this time, the ground in front of the guards instantly ignited and a
    wall of fire appear at the same time the guards freezing not from seeing the
    wall of flames but because of their body actually starting to freeze at a rapid
    rate. Afterwards, the flame instantly extinguish and the ice that appear at the
    guards body disappear at the same time as if there’s no ice before. Before they
    even try to move their body again, they’ve been struck by two lightnings. The
    lightnings actually created by the smoke from the fire and the water vapour
    from the ice. After being struck by lightnings, the two guards fell down to the
    floor with smoke rising from their bodies.

     

    After witnessing the effects of his
    works, the man turn around and continue to running out from the alley. He
    continue to run while keeping attention from his surrounding and making sure
    that there’s no one chasing him again.

     

    After he reach outside the city, he
    then rest under a pretty big tree outside the city. While still gasping for
    breath, he muttering to himself.

     

    “hah…….hah…..hah…really?....hah…if I know that i’ll running
    around the whole city, i should train my body more often. Even I must sacrifice
    my shoes just for escape from the guards”

     

    “My flasks is around ten left, when I use just one of my flask
    even the guards didn’t affected in the slightest bit. I must use three
    combination just for two guards, even in normal circumstances I can make use
    three combination for a hundreds man, what…what’s with that guards? They really
    are monsters.”

     

    “If i know that things going to be like this, I’ll never take
    this kind of job ever again even if the prize is trillions of Acrite.” he said
    with remorseful tone.

     

                He then take
    out his device that looks like a tube with 5 cm diameter and 12 cm long. In one
    of the circular side of the device there’s some luminous numerical range with 4
    digits that lit with incandescent wire.

     

                [ 01 : 01

     

    “!! Pass night time !?? Just for this kind of job is this
    long??”

     

    “so, my sense of time is slowly gone, huh!”

     

                After looking
    at the ‘time showing device’, he put it again inside his bag. When he put his
    device inside his bag, he caught a sight of the thing that make he do the job.
    With curiousity he take that thing out that looks like a bracelet with
    mechanical feeling and some screen on one side that showing 4 numerical digits
    and then look and do some kind of observation at it.

     

    “What is this thing? A device? There’s a small screen on one of
    its side that showing 4 digits numerical value. Could it be this things work
    system is the same as my ‘time tube’?”

     

                He then do some
    checking on the bracelet-like thing but can’t find some function on it that
    make him sigh and put it inside his bag again. When he finish put it in, he
    noticed that the surrounding area has been covered by thick fog. His line of
    sight can only show a distance ten meters around him. When he saw the sea of
    fog that suddenly appear around him, he’s actually startled.

     

    “What’s happening? Why there’s so much fog suddenly? Is this the
    city defensive system that activate if there’s an intruder?” he thought.

     

                He can’t find
    the exact reason for the fog to be appear so suddenly outside the city. What he
    can is just making some assumption that actually don’t have any connection
    about the city. After some time passed, he then stop making assumption.

     

    “Ah even if it really is the defensive system of this city, I
    can’t stay on this spot for too long. I must move inside the fog and slowly
    walk away from the city with this way  I
    can slowly get away from this city.” He thought while preparing his equipment
    under his cloak if there’s something within the mist.

     

                After thirty
    minutes walking slowly on the road inside the mist, he start to doubting his
    decision. After he check his surrounding, he really shocked because even after
    thirty minutes walking he still can see the silhouette of the tree that he used
    for a rest before and it just around fifteen metres behind him. Its as if he
    never move in the first place.

     

    “What’s with this mist? Is it really a defensive system of this
    city? If it is, this defensive system is very effective for the user but really
    bad for the one who being trapped in here and guess what? The one being trapped
    in here is me!” He said with ironical tone.

     

                He then
    starting to run a bit as to not make a loud noise from his footsteps even though
    he just running bare foot. After another thirty minutes he caught a sight of a
    rock silhouette and decide to run to the rock. At a distance ten metres from
    the rock, he immediately stop running not because he step on some pebbles but
    because at the rock there’s some humanoid-like figure standing in front of the
    rock staring directly into him.

                When he look at it, he feels like suffocate but he can still breath. He feels like a tiny
    speck of dust inside a planet but somewhat not. He feels like there’s so much emptiness
    in front of him but at the same time full of unidentified things. He feels like
    to ignore its presence but at the same time want to kneel at it with utmost
    respect. And so many undecribable feelings appear at the same time inside his
    heart.

                When he still
    look at it with blank looks, it speak with its celestial voice “Hello, I’ve
    been waiting for you.”

  • edited November 2015
    Added to directory.

    ~ How to Make a Table of Contents.
    ~ Advice: Use the "T" tool (one next to <> tool) it stops the breaks in text.



    Ex.

    I was once

    the ruler of kingdom, but it was only for day. The night fell and so did my kingdom. I had thought I would leave my people to prosperity but I lead it's doom. If I could go back then I wouldn't of listen to them. I would taken action for people not pety nobles. I would become the people's king. 

    If someone would

    give me a second chance.

    Ex. Using "T" tool

    I was once  the ruler of kingdom, but it was only for day. The
    night fell and so did my kingdom. I had thought I would leave my people
    to prosperity but I lead it's doom. If I could go back then I wouldn't
    of listen to them. I would taken action for people not pety nobles. I
    would become the people's king. 

    If someone would give me a second chance.


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