Game : Cooperative Story Telling (original story) (second story)

edited November 2015 in Original Stories
Let's play a game!!!!

so, as the title suggested, its a game of writing a story. the game is about making a story however you like with the cooperation of other, whether its a joke or anything you like as long as the story flow nicely.

how to play the game :

1) everyone can participate
2) the story need to flow nicely, so you have to consider the previous player's post.
3) you can post a minimum of 1 sentence and maximum of 2 paragraph.
4) you cannot post a wall of text or you will be ignored.
6) you cannot post only one word or you will be ignored.
7) if you want other player to continue your sentence, use "...". (refer to exmp (C) and (D) for it)
8) you cannot continue your own post
9) for those who like to improve themselves, feel free to add something like "if you notice any grammatical error or anything please give me pointer".
10) if you have any suggestion for anything or just want to give your piece of mind about anything please feel free to comment. lol 

exmp : 
player (A) : in a far away island outside of the mainland.

player (B) : the warm wind blew as the morning sun rose from the east, the dew on swaying grasses and fog on the surrounding area started to evaporate to reveal a shockingly beautiful landscape.

player (C) : sunlight shone trough a window on ordinary house not too far away from a small river...

player (D) : ...showing the sleeping face of a 4-5 years old kid on his bed. the kid seems like having a nice dream from the smile showing on his face.

anyway, because it is a game, it meant to be fun... I hope it would fun... mwahahahaha


P.S
if this thread is in the wrong place, please say so, I will move it right away... XD
Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

~~Branzel~~
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Comments

  • I will start first...

    in a beautiful small island...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited November 2015
    in a not far world, slept a beautiful yet fair maiden. Locked away in her dreams, she suddenly woke up to find...

  • a beautiful litle bird with snow white feathers and red-bluish crown-looking feathers on top of its head pecking on her head. The bird sudenly fly around the room when it noticed the maiden...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited November 2015
    was not like any other maiden. This difference was made clear when it noticed her frosty white eyes, and evening snow hair layered upon her lilly white coat. The moment she spoke, it wished be a dove to come together with her artistic purity. Ensnared in her ephemeral voice, it soared towards ...


  • the beautiful maiden and circling around her before the litle bird goes out of the window then landing on a tree branch.

    With an excited posture it start to chirp happily while spreading its wings so wide as if to show it off to the maiden. the maiden seeing this...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited November 2015

    ... laughed a bit with a heavenly chuckle, before easing herself out her bed. Like wisps of wind, she slid her feet towards mirror. Unexpectedly she let out a soft sigh after looking into the mirror.

    Every day, she wished at the prevailing stars that she was something or someone who was not herself. She hadn't thought much of it at the time, but now she only thought of those moments that brought the curse upon her.

    Not lingering long in her constant sorrows, she mellowed her stride as she then did her braid. With ease and elegance unfitting her former self, she enlightened her already fairy like appearance to begun, yet another day in the ...
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]
  • edited November 2015
    Storms of turmoil arisen not far from heart, she wanted to cry, but she you would not give them the laugh .Things were different now, she embraced what she was on this island.

    Cloud not by the perceptions of others, she now lived a life like any other wicked women, a life where heroes feared to thread.

    Taking not one step to many, she walked bit down until reached bottom of tower stairs. A flick her hand, a twirl of finger, she casted yet another illusion.


  • edited November 2015
    But the illusion was actually a volleyball that had been painted upon with smears of blood. "Wilson..."
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]
  • after conquering all those storm, all those unpleasentness in the vast sea for a week, she finnaly arrived at the island she once lived. but what await her was like a dejavu... 'its those eyes again, its those looks again' she thought. all of those unpleasent memory, all those humiliation, all those cursed words aimed at her flashed in her eyes as if it all happened yesterday.

    She started to tremble and anknown to her, she started to hug william in her chest thighter, thighter and thighter until the blood mark on it sterted to become bigger, bigger, and bigger to the point of...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • thank you all for playing the game.... :)
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited November 2015
    being not what it once was.

    Removing its self from the her cuddle of her arms, it hoover mid air, Whirling and twirling the air, it's form was changing. Like oozing blood of a festering wound, it started to bubble out into it's new form which was a ...
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]
  • I dont know wether to laugh or cry, good ending thou...

    anyway, the story already have element that doesnt fit...
    so yeah...

    let begin a new one...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited November 2015
    in a not too far away land...

    live a princess in a big castle. She was around 10-12 years old, but in such a big castle, unfortunately she live alone, not even a single guard, a single maid, not even a mouse could be seen inside the castle, and the only thing that accompany her was a bear doll that she always kept by her side.

    One morning, as soon as she woke up from her slumber she told to the bear beside her "Mr. Bear, I want to...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]
  • okay, so thanks for the suggestion, I'm so happy that someone actually give some suggestion about how the game should progres... anyway I'll have a more detailed response once I get back, because I still outside now using my phone, and its somewhat inconvenience for me to give long response using mobile device...
    anyway, hold that thought, and you didnt sound rude...

    and for anyone who wants to give more sugestion, please do so...
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • kotowaru-senpai :

    first : yeah I agree with you that there is no iron clad rule for writing and it sound awful like " you will die if you dont follow" something like that, so yeah... but I'm not going to use guideline either because it sounds like "if you dont follow the way that I chose, then you are wrong" kinda thing. Well, everybody have their own way of writing so I will just change the "rule" into "how to play". how is that? ps : about your example with telling and showing, I think there is always a place most appropriate for each of them to be used in a story, so its not about can or cannot (in my opinion).

    second : the reason I used less than 50 words 'rule' earlier was because I'm afraid somebody just going to write a wall of text in the story causing no one would actually read it, and I actually, totally forgot about the term 'paragraph' *embarrassed*. '... so yeah, there you go my stupid self, its paragraph you idiot'. joke aside, thanks for reminding me of the term and I will definitely change it later. but I'm not going to ignore those who just want to write like a single sentence, there might be some people that just want to give their piece of mind in the spur of moment.

    third : I don't understand what you mean by purple prose, so yeah... if you could explain it better, it might help.

    fourth : I'm not going to make it an obligation because some people might be felling uncomfortable because of it and might restricting people who want to participate but cannot give any pointer (playing just for fun) but for some people who want to improve him/her self could give a hint at the end/first line of their post. and also for those who like to give pointer please feel free to do so (at least its okay for me, I'm open to suggestion).

    Fifth : well because of the 'fun' part of the game, I don't think it would be a good idea, because everyone have their own thought it is hard to make everyone to think the same way.

    sixth : I can't figure out what is the suggestion in this part though, so yeah... XD

    seventh : I think it is a good idea if you want to make another thread that focused on improving oneself, suggestion and the like in the way of writing a story with a format that actually write one with the help of other. and be sure that I would participate in it (I'm eager to improve myself too you know...)

    Lastly but not least : if you have more suggestion please feel free to drop a comment :)
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited November 2015
    Good Morning everyone!

    Here's my opinion on the matter at hand. I do think guideline is a better choice since most of broke the rules with our post. Also, I think two is good since we don't have large number of people playing. I think we should still leave people the option for it to be add a sentence. Doing this makings the game available for anyone. Including those people who take an hour to write 250 words. It's makes it interesting challenge for people. Now on to the next one.I can't agree with third for several reasons, but most importantly there's a lot to be learned from purple prose style.As it It can be done successfully or not. On that matter I am supportive in making this educational game but not on the matter of ruling out purple prose..



    Example of Bad Purple prose

    The floridity of my own language is a question better left to
    cosmologists. The verbs glow under the weight of their own tumescence,
    their cores condensing every subject object bridge beyond the domain of
    the electromagnetic force itself. Nouns slough their tenuous, inchoate
    shells in the brief moments before collapse, fusing adverbs into heavier
    ones, irretrievably dense. Gerunds gerunding past all reason, tenses at
    war with anti-tenses, threatening the very baryogenic truce that rests
    below every assumption of language.


  • so purple prose mean something like 'words flowering'?
    if so, than I'm note going to rule it out, because it is fine as long as they don't use it too excessively to the point of hard-to-understand sentence. so yeah...

    so, should I use 'guideline' or 'how to play'?
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • Branzel said:

    in a not too far away land...

    live a princess in a big castle. She was around 10-12 years old, but in such a big castle, unfortunately she live alone, not even a single guard, a single maid, not even a mouse could be seen inside the castle, and the only thing that accompany her was a bear doll that she always keep by her side.

    One morning, as soon as she wake up from her sleep she told to the bear beside her "Mr. Bear, I want to...

    go outside. I want to see the outside world. " I heard of the vibrant world that looms just outside this dull castle, but only it books. Sometimes, the words aren't just enough to describe, I want to explore and experience new senses.

    Is that so wrong Mr bear, I don't want people to tell me, when the world just outside the gates can show me.So today Mr. Bear, shall we walk outside the iron cast gates, but first I need to ...

    .....................................................................................................................................................................................................





    P.S Branzel, my words aren't adequate enough to express at the matter at hand.  I sincerely loved your first post in the next story in this game. It's moments like this I wish that I could send a friend request. I guess that I could only say thank you for starting this game and what did in the post. It certainly brighten my day.

    Also I willing to continue as we did previously or continue on with new rules. I trust your leadership.


  • Done editing the rule, if there is more suggestion please feel free to comment.


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [Story]

    "Mr. Bear, I want to go outside. I want to see the outside world. I heard of the vibrant world that looms just outside this dull castle, but only 'in' books. Sometimes, the words aren't just enough to describe, I want to explore and experience new senses. 

    Is that so wrong Mr bear'?!' I don't want people to tell me, when the world just outside the gates can show me. So today Mr. Bear, shall we walk outside the iron cast gates'?!' but first I need to ...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ... find you some clothes, you don't want to be seen naked do you?! and also other things that we need for the journey, its gonna be a long journey." while still speaking to Mr. Bear, the princess start to prepare everything that she need.

    Unknown to her, with her smile still hanging on her face, her beautiful eyes that should be full of anticipation, full of excitement and hope for the new live and adventure like she had read in the book, showed an expression of sadness and unwillingness, and Mr. Bear that sat still in the corner of her bed with its head a little tilted to the side as if showing the same expression as her.

    After finished with everything, she finally arrived at the front gate of the castle with her big bag on her back. Hugging Mr. Bear close to her chest, she looked at the big and beautiful castle in front of her with those big and round beautiful eyes that somehow getting a little red from her trying hard to keep the tears from falling while all those memories  of her 12 years living in the castle started to surface in her mind. A little mumbling and stuttering she said in a low voice ...

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




    so yeah, I add a little bit of 'tone mark?' on your side of the story, the reason is so that it would sound better instead of just the same tone while she talk to Mr. Bear. Correct me though if I do something wrong. :)


    P.S
    I'm honestly so touched, your words are too kind *embarrassed*. If you want to chat about anything, feel free to PM me. :)
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]
  • you actually help a lot even with your 'misunderstanding'. so yeah... XD


    about changing the name, I dont think you can change it from the forum but I think you can change it from wuxiaworld main site if you make your account there or wordpress if you use wordpress account for the forum. :)
    Life is a series of choices that makes who you are today and thread your path ahead.

    ~~Branzel~~
  • edited May 2016
    [    ]


  • I really need to subscribe to this thread. I missed several reply even ones in between my postings. So sorry if didn't look like I was replying. I really didn't see them.

    Purple prose is actually a vague term full of misunderstandings. After thoroughly understanding the topic. My educated statement on the matter is that purple prose in it's truest sense is the usage of words without purpose which nobody did in this thread. While we were flippant on the tone, the words did properly convey themselves.

     I going to make an assumption the purple prose statement was directed at me. It's okay if you say as such as I am willing to learn. Also, I do have bad habit of turning my prose into poetry, but it wasn't the case this time.

    So I will admit, some of my own passages were lyrical and plain sexy ,they all had done with purpose to illustrate a point. Also, while most of them where poetic, they were still prose (standard writing(how we talk)).

    Example using words without purpose

    There was a big, tall, brown a black dog that stood near the blue eyed, blond haired, short, freckled girl who where dark green clothes.

    There isn't in meaning for all these adjectives. It doesn't help the reader see the scence.

    Example of using words with purpose

    Standing near, evergreen glowing and freckled young girl was a brown dog who blues made him seem more like bear among the tears.

    - The statement means that the girl and dog fit well together.



    Example of using words with purpose

    was not like any other maiden. This difference was made clear when it
    noticed her frosty white eyes, and evening snow hair layered upon her
    lilly white coat. The moment she spoke, it wished be a dove to come
    together with her artistic purity. Ensnared in her ephemeral voice, it
    soared towards ... it's doom

    - The purpose of this was describe how she wasn't a normal human. She could been a monster like mermaid or siren. She could with beauty that attracts the wrong kind of people. Also, She could also just above average beauty. Either way convey are beauty in a way that appeal to senses.

    P.S I am

    Example of using words with purpose

    Storms of turmoil arisen not far from
    heart, she wanted to cry, but she you would not give them the laugh
    .Things were different now, she embraced what she was on this island.

    Yellow is sensory description - Jane is blue-faced.
    Blue is concrete description - Jane is hold her breath
    Orange is authentic details -

    TL:DR I think we should be careful, not exclude the other techniques of writing description. Also I will try to keep my concise. Tell me if I don't


    Creative Writing Lesson

    Techniques of Description

    What are the techniques of description that you must use in your
    creative writing? There are several techniques that you can use,
    including:

    • Sensory details– which appeals to the sense of
      sight, smell, touch, hearing, taste. Example: It smelt like rotting food
      in a garbage can…It looked as if someone had taken a baseball bat,
      swung it widely, trashing the place….It tasted like stale, mouldy bread.
    • Concrete and specific details, not general and abstract. Example: Peter Wright, a student in grade 12, wrote a prose poem about social networking on Twitter.
    • Authentic details. Your details ought to be
      original. A good way to start is by freewriting and learning how to
      think “outside of the box.” In other words, you need to learn creating
      thinking skills, such as changing perspective, asking why,
      brainstorming, seeking out alternative ways of describe something.
    • Precise details, getting it “just right.” Use a dictionary and thesaurus.
    • Don’t be literal. Instead use figurative devices, such as simile, metaphor, symbol, allusion, personification.

    Taken from here

     
  • Kotowaru said:

    I see, thanks. :)

    Was it really possible to change your name? Are you using word press?

    There are so many days, that I ask myself why I didn't choice a more feminine name. Only cyberspace would mistake someone like me as male. This is a lesson don't pick name using a word generator.

    Nevermind, I am who, I am. There is no need to change my name, but still is possible?
  • edited November 2015
    Kotowaru said:

    For the story,

    "Mr. Bear, are you sure you're not that dangerous bear from chronicles of 4chan story I once read."

    "It does not matter who I am or what I was," the Bear patted the girl's head, "the important thing is that you're free now. Go now and discover this world you've only seen in books."

    The girl ran to the open fields and to a small hill where brilliant flowers danced as the wind blow. The girl innocent laugh made the Bear happy as well.

    "Ho ho ho. You deserve this."

    As tomorrow it won't be as such, people are finally coming for you. Haha, you didn't think it was strange that you were all alone.Tomorrow you will learn why.

    P.S Such well written paragraph, I don't even know the story you are referencing, but I was scared for the little girl. Then, I was like I shall continue with this darker tone. Though, afterwards santa reference could have work, but it was too late.
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