Seikatsu ONLINE by Alennor

edited November 2015 in Original Stories
Hello there, nice to meet you! So, here is your humble writer and artist called Alennor!

So....I'm here to show you guys my work and i hope you guys like it! Oh and please do critique me as much as you can! I dun mind any offending sentence or word or anything! Just critique me as much as you can! And IM NOT A MASOCHIST!

I'm not that super awesome in English language, just an average doe. Hope you guys can pinpoint my mistake!
I'll update the stories daily or at lease 1 chapter for two days!

Summary: Luke is a teenager, whom is a martial artist. He is talented in Martial Arts and start learning it from both of his parent. He also a game addict that treat his game like his life. This is a story about his adventure in Seikatsu ONLINE. The first and largest VRMMORPG that been created by a combination of Japanese and Korean game company, Linker.

Genre: Adventure, Action, VRMMORPG, Romance, Slice Of Life, Comedy







«1

Comments

  • Well not bad, it's a decent start. I like that you start off with action.
  • edited November 2015
    Chapter 1

    “Yikes! It’s hot!” screamed by a young-looking teenager. He
    is eating a red bean steamed bun in front of a convenience store. He is Yuudai
    Nakamura. A normal teenager who has a slightly younger face than the other
    people with the same age as him.

    *Sigh* “I can’t go on like this anymore….it’s too cruel……being
    bored is the enemy of humanity….”

    Yuu sighs very long after that and started to walk away from
    the convenience store.

    “Isn’t there anything fun to do anymore? I just finished all
    the console game and even most of the MMORPG is already been explored by me……what
    is left to do…..sheesh…”

    He stopped at a large-size apartment and starts to go into
    the elevator.

    “Well at least I can still update my app for the time being.
    Oh, seems there still no bug for this….”

    He finally stopped at the fifth floor and start walking
    until the 501th room is in front of him. He use a card-type key and enter the
    room.

    “I really want to try this new hype of VRMMORPG, but I don’t
    think pops will give me a chance…..”

    Yuu lives alone, his parents are living overseas separated from
    him. Not like they have a bad relationship, it was his parent job that required
    them to work all over the world. Even though Yuu doesn’t know what his parent
    occupation is, he thinks it must be pretty important.

    “But that is before! Mwahahaha! Right now I can play it!
    Yeahhhh!”

    Yuu shouted and laugh heartily because he finally can try
    the Virtual Reality World that has been in created one year ago. His father
    doesn’t permit it at first because of his strict traits. His father think that
    he will not has any future if he only sticks with game and become addict to it.

    Then, Yuu create a promise with his father, if he can show
    his father an achievement that can support his future and dream, his father
    will permit him to play VRMMORPG. So he started too studied all about game
    developing and started learning about programming and different language of
    computer. Fortunately, he seems to be talented in this field and start to
    master a few languages in a year. Then he created his own app and even makes
    money with it. In just a year he becomes an app developer. His father didn’t
    expect this, but he reluctantly permits him to play VRMMORPG.

    Yuu right now is 18 year old, he just end his high school
    last year.

    “Hehehehe I can’t wait anymore…….let started to unpack this
    box first!”

    In front of him is a small-sized box with “V.W.C Machine”
    write at the box.

    “With this……I can finally enter the world of S.O, Eternia…..fuahhhh
    my dream will finally come true!!!!”

    S.O, stand for Seikatsu ONLINE. The first and largest
    Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. It has the
    biggest community and playerbase comparing from the other VRMMORPG. Other than
    that, the world in Seikatsu ONLINE called Eternia is the largest world that has
    been created in a VRMMORPG. There also rumors that the game isn’t managed by
    the people from Linker, the game company that responsible for Seikatsu ONLINE.
    But is managed by a super A.I (Artificial Intelligence) that is created by a team
    of researcher from Linker.

    S.O is very popular because of its own game system which is very
    unique and full of entertainment. Different from other VRMMORPG, S.O’s world, Eternia’s
    event, is not decided by Linker or the Game Master. Everything will be decided
    by the player interaction and decision.

    Well, that is Seikatsu ONLINE.

    Yuu started to open the box vigorously. His face becomes
    excited when he sees a circular shaped machine like a glass. This machine is
    called V.W.C, Virtual World Connector. It is an essential equipment to play any
    Virtual Reality related games or software. He started reading the manual and
    starts to set up the V.W.C.

    “Hahaha, with this I can go explore new thing! Maybe I should
    ask Reina to play too…..oh well maybe next time~”

    He wear the V.W.C and say, “Gate open!”

    Suddenly his vision becomes dark and a certain light is lit
    up. The light is guiding him toward something.

    “Welcome to Virtual World Connector. Please choose a name
    that will present yourself. Do avoid using your real name because it might harm
    you in real life.”

    A gentle woman voice is resonated in Yuu’s ear.

    Each human can only has one account of V.W.C. Even though
    the V.W.C machine can be change, the account of the human that has been
    registered once will stayed same. In other words, the character in V.W.C is
    like another life for a human. V.W.C job is only to connect human to the
    Virtual World. There is many Virtual World create by each different game
    company. But there will only be one character for each human in this world.

    Yuu starts to ponder about his name.

    “What should I use…..? Maybe Breadman or CrackerBoy? I love
    bread after all~”

    Oh, and Yuu naming sense is very terrible.

    “Ugh…..I hate this part….choosing name is really hard after
    all…..”

    He seems to be frustrated, but suddenly an idea pop out in
    his mind.

    “Oh! Yeah that name is awesome right….uh.....I think I’ll
    only take the first name….hardcore fan might kill me if I take his name….”

    “I choose Luke!”

    He….seems to take it from St*r W*rs character.

    “Are you sure you want Luke as your name in Virtual World?
    Please confirm.”

    The gentle voice resonates again.

    “Yup~”

    “Really? It can’t be changed anymore after this.”

    “Eh? Yeah of course!”

    “100% sure? Please confirm again.”

    “Wow, you sure ask many times….”

    “Of course, it is my job to serve player around the world and
    guide them to make no mistake. It is after all a one and only chance.”

    Yuu is surprised by how smoothly he is conversing with the
    gentle voice. He suddenly thought, maybe automaton maid is not far from the
    future.

    “Hahaha yeah, thanks for the remainder. Yes I choose Luke as
    my second name in my life.”

    “Then Luke shall be your name. Please wait for a second, I’ll
    start registering your account into V.W.C”

    “Hey hey, do you has a name? Are sure you are not a human?”

    “Yes of course, I am an A.I called Custos. I, myself doesn’t
    has any soul like a human has. That should prove that I am not a human.”

    “Wow you really speak like a human, technology this day
    really great. Do you think a human automaton can be create in the future?”

    “I can’t determine that.”

    “Ehhhh, why……”

    “The registration is finished. You can now choose which world
    you like to enter.”

    Wow, she ignored me Yuu thought.

    “Thank you for that. I want to enter Eternia from Seikatsu
    ONLINE by Linker!”

    “Affirmative. You will be transfer to the creation room.”

    “Okay! Thank you for your service Custos~”

    “Your welcome Luke, and please don’t think any perverted stuff
    about automaton maid or something related to it.”

    “Eh…we-“

    Yuu transported to the creation room.


    Thank you for reading, hope you guys can pin point any mistake!                                  

  • Tasear said:

    Well not bad, it's a decent start. I like that you start off with action.

    Thank you! I hope you enjoy it!
  • Chapter 2

    *I’m changing the viewpoint from here.

    “!!”

    Whoa, I didn’t know an A.I can read mind!? Oh dammit that is
    so embarrassing! Maybe I should only think human perverted stuff when talking
    too an A.I……..Oh well, nothing can be done.

    Hm? In front of me is a large stone slab standing like a
    wall. It has a marble texture and has deep blue color. It is very beautiful I
    say. Out of curiosity, I try to touch it and suddenly a window pop out of
    nowhere.

     

    Welcome to the
    Creation Room, Luke

    World : Eternia

    VRMMORPG: Seikatsu
    ONLINE

    Do you want to start
    in creating new character for Seikatsu ONLINE’s world?

     

    Oh, this really looks awesome. I have seen holographic
    stuff, but this Virtual Window really feels different from it. I tried to grab
    the window, but seem I can’t. I guess it does work as hologram. If it is a
    physical object, maybe it will be a good tsukkomi weapon huh?

    “Yep! I want to create new character!”

    Please choose:

    Gender will be fixed.

                Race:

                                                    - Human                         - Elf                        -
    Dwarve

                                                    -
    Beastman                  -
    Halfling              - Ogre

                                                                                     -Dragonborn

    Seems the gender has already been decides when you’re
    registering into V.W.C eh? *Sigh* I can’t get naked with nekomimi body huh…….

    For now, let me explain each race and what traits do they
    have. First human, the most populated race in the game and has a very balanced
    stat. Human doesn’t has any specialize traits, but they can have them depending
    on how the player play. Human can turn in to vampire or any sub-Human type of
    race. Isn’t there any succubus-Type human? If there is, I really want to meet
    one…Unfortunately there still no news about it….Oh there is also the Legendary
    High Human race, but it seems in the game right now there is only 2 player that
    has achieve it.

    Okay next is Elf. ELF!!!! WHOAAAAAAA! ELFFFF YEAHHHHH!!!
    WOOHOOOOO! HUEHUEUHUEHUEHE!!!!

    …….uhm sorry for that, I’m really much excited to see Elf in
    reality, but that dream will never be accomplish in real world so Virtual World
    will compensate it.

    Okay now, Elf has 3 types that are Wood Elf, Dark Elf and
    Bloody Elf.

    ……..

    ………

    DARKK ELFFF!!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I WANT TO PLAYED BY
    DARK ELF ONEE-CHAN!!!!!

    A-ah……sorry... Dark Elf is cute right……..

    Back into the topic, Wood Elf has abnormally high INT but
    low AGI and PHY. For Dark Elf Onee-chan, they have very high AGI but a little
    low in INT and WIS. And finally, for Bloody Elf, they have higher PHY and AGI
    but very low LUK and WIS.

    Ah! I haven’t explained about stat in S.O!

    Let me give a brief explanation for stat system in S.O, each
    player has 6 main stats, that is PHY, AGI, INT, WIS, HLT, and LUK.  

    PHY, Physical, will be increasing
    the player’s physical attack and defense.  

    AGI, Agility, increase player’s speed, critical damage and dodge rate.

    INT, Intelligence, increase player’s magical power and critical damage.

    WIS,  Wisdom, increase player’s mana
    pool.

    LUK, Luck, increase player’s luck and critical chance.

    HLT, Health, increase player’s health pool.

    Well that about it. Now continuing on, every Elf is bestowed with <Fairies
    Friend> title when they’re born in the Eternia. Every title has its own
    specialty, it seems for this title, player will be able to make contact with
    fairies and there is even a rumor stating there is a kingdom of fairies in
    Eternia. I wonder how big is their kingdom? I just hope it not really small…..or
    will it be in the forest? Let’s pray the kingdom will not be burn by some
    mistake…..

    Finish about Elf, now Beastman, the cutest, strongest and the only race
    that has neko ion. I’m kidding. WHO DOESN’T LOVE NEKOMIMI DAMMIT!?

    *cough* *cough*

    Okay continuing on, Beastman, who is also a human whom has a certain type
    of beast element. The Beastman race currently has 6 type of beast that is Black
    Panther, Tigre, Cat, Dog, Monkey and Bird. Linker has already decided to add a
    new type of Beastman in a near future. I really looking forward to it, I hope
    it will be an Arachne…..hm probably not, Arachne may turn into monster category….

    So here is the specialization stat for each type of Beastman.

    Black Panther: Has much higher AGI and PHY but very low in INT and WIS.

                    Cat: Has very high LUK
    but very low INT.

                    Bird: Has very high
    AGI but very low INT.

                    Dog: Has very high PHY
    but very low WIS.

                    Tigre: Has abnormal
    PHY and high HLT but no INT. Basically, Tigre beastman can't use      magic.

                    Monkey: Has very high
    AGI and slightly higher PHY but very low INT.                       

    Now here comes the exciting part of becoming a Beastman! This race has a
    special traits that is [Transformation]! All Beastman, will have a [Transformation]
    skill depending on what type of beast they chose. This skill can also be
    enhance in the game by doing some special-type of quest.

    Yeah, I know, I know, this really make every man excited. Who doesn’t want to
    turn into a beast and go rampaging!? It is every man dream to do that!

    That should cover for the Beastman, now continuing on, Dwarve and Halfling doesn’t
    really have anything extraordinary about them. But if a player wants to turn
    into a Blacksmith, Tailor, Alchemist or any crafting related job, Dwarves will
    be the best choice for it. Dwarves stat is more specialize to PHY and HLT. They
    have very high PHY and HLT but very low INT and WIS. The special thing about
    Dwarves is, they will be bestowed by <Crafter’s Hand> title upon being
    born in Eternia. This title will be able to help player to craft. Also this
    title can be enhance in the game by doing a certain special quest.

    For Halfling, they have very high AGI but very low PHY. This kind of stat
    specialization makes some player really love them because it is an ideal stat
    for an assassin type of class in any game. But not only that, Halfling will
    also be bestowed by <One with Darkness> title that can help them to fuse
    into the dark when using any hidden-related skill. This race is the best choice
    if the player love to move stealthy.

    And then there is Ogre, the abnormally powerful race that has terrifyingly amount
    of PHY. But the cons are that they can’t use any magic. Yup, zero WIS and zero
    INT. Most of their attack will be based on physical damage. This has really set
    a drawback on this race, but some player still loves them because of how
    imposing their look is. Well certainly that they can’t use any magic power and
    attack, but that can be compensate by using weapon that has certain magic
    effect.

    But well duh, who doesn’t want to use magic? LOL

    And finally! We come to the infamous Dragonborn! Well even though this race
    is really cool, there not many people chose it. Why? Because this race is like
    a gamble for the player. The population of this race in the game doesn’t even
    cover 1/100 of the world. There not even fifty of them in the game. The bad
    thing about this race is, the Dragon type that the Dragonborn has will be
    randomly chosen. There is 3 Dragon type for Dragonborn race that is, Lesser
    Dragon, Pure Blooded Dragon, and Divine Dragon. The bad thing about them isn’t
    about the stat specialization, because all Dragonborn has a very balance stat
    like human. It is because their own special traits, the [Draco Blood Art] skill
    set. This skill is of course very powerful, but the drawback about it is, the strength
    of the skill depends on the concentration of the blood of the Dragon type. And
    you guess it, the Lesser Dragon has the lowest concentration of dragon’s blood
    and the Pure-Blooded Dragon has medium concentration of dragon’s blood. While
    the Divine Dragon has the highest concentration of dragon’s blood. It is not
    much problem if the difference is little, but the difference between each type
    of Dragon type is very large making people doesn’t really want to ruin their
    chance in the game. Dragonborn also has transformation skill, but it differ a
    little bit from Beastman race.

     

    Lesser Dragon traits: [Half-Body Draco
    Transformation] skill

    Pure Blooded Dragon traits: [Full-Body Draco
    Transformation] skill

    Divide Dragon traits: [Complete Draco
    Transformation] skill


    So not only they have different concentration of dragon’s blood but they
    also has different trait’s skill. But this should not really stop the player
    from choosing them eh? There is also another problem about this race, that is
    the chance to get for each type of Dragon type.

                           

                                    Lesser
    Dragon = 70% chance

                                    Pure
    Blooded Dragon = 5% chance

                                    Divine
    Dragon = Not confirmed


    Well that is why people doesn’t want to play the game as this race. Currently
    there is not even one Divine Dragonborn. But that still can’t be confirmed,
    because players can’t really differentiate between each Dragon type for
    Dragonborn by outer appearance. They can only be differentiate when a Divine
    Dragonborn use their [Complete Draco Transformation] skill.

    Well now that is a completed explanation about race in S.O. So it’s time for
    me to choose!

    Hm…. how about human? Well certainly they are pretty nice choice
    considering all the stat is balance and has a very nice future in the game……but….that’s
    boring. Well ya’know, I’m already a human in the real world, why the hell
    should I choose another human in this world! Okay human out. Next is elf, they
    also have a nice prospect in the game, but nope. I hate being a skinny guy. Not
    to brag, but I practice martial art starting from my childhood from my parents.
    That cause me to get a pretty nice body, so yeah no, I hate being skinny.
    Beastman? Hm that is certainly an awesome choice. But I want to be a female
    Beastman! Not a male Beastman dammit! OUT!

    Next choice is, Dwarve, out.

    What? I don’t want to have a short build!

    Then, Halfling, also out. And Ogre, huh no magic OUT.

    The last one, Dragonborn huh…well if I got Lesser Dragonborn not a big
    problem to me. Not like I am aiming to be top 3 or whatever in the game. I just
    want to have fun exploring new stuff. Hmm, certainly not a bad choice huh….[Half-Body
    Draco Transformation] sounds cool too eh? I also quite intrigued by the [Draco
    Blood Art] skill. Ok then, I’ve decide.

    “I choose Dragonborn~”

    Confirmation:

    You have chosen to be as a Dragonborn race.

    Are you sure?

    “Yup~”

    Affirmative

    Please choose how the appearance should be.

    “Ah, just make it about same as me.”

     

    Are you sure you want to create a character that has same appearance as the
    real you? It may harm you in the real life.

     

    “Yeah, no problem at all~”

    Well with how Dragonborn has horn and stuff, not like people can easily
    distinguish between me and Luke.

    Creation Complete

    Please choose the starter region that you want:

    << Midgard Fortress >>

    << Evertia Kingdom >>

    << Ryukyu Empire >>

      << Chuan Qi Dynasty >>

    Woah they sure has a variety of place to start off, well I already read
    some info and it seems <<Midgard Fortress>> is the most bad choice
    to start with considering all the high level mobs outside the fortress. The good
    choice right now is << Evertia Kingdom >> and <<Chuan Qi
    Dynasty>>. << Ryukyu Empire >> is not suitable because of the
    flood of high level player recently. There is sudden arise of an ancient ruin
    in << Ryukyu Region >> making all high level player to explore it.

    So only << Evertia Region >> and << Chuan Qi Region
    >> left huh. Well, let choose << Evertia >>, it has this
    peaceful sound of its name.

    “I choose << Evertia Kingdom >>.”

    Please confirm it again

     

    “Yeah yeah, I choose << Evertia Kingdom >>~”

     

     

    The system will begin to transfer Luke of the Dragonborn to the Kingdom of
    White, << Evertia >>

    Uwahhhhh, a bright light suddenly form in front of me. It too bright that
    it might make my eyes blind….man I can sue the game company for this……

    I close my eyes for a few moment, and open it. Suddenly in front of me is a
    plain grassland with some low-level mobs and player killing each other.

    “T-this….is pretty shocking huh……”

    Even though I already strengthen my mental for this, but this really is
    another matter. All things, object, living things in front of look lively and
    very real. This is pretty much another world for us humans. I can feel the
    breeze of the wind, my feet standing on the grass and my hand gripping hard.
    Yeah, so this is Eternia huh….Can’t wait to explore everything about it!

    “[Player Window] open.”

    A window pop out in front of me and shows my information.

    Player Window

                Name: Luke                                        Gender:
    Male

     

               Race: Divine Dragonborn              Class: Novice

                           Stat

                                                    PHY :      5                                              AGI:       5

                                                    INT:        5                                              WIS:       5

                                                    LUK:       5                                              HLT:       5                                                                 

                                                                                         Title

    <Beginner> <Evertia's Adventurer>

    “Divine Dragonborn…...........................eh?”
  • has potential
  • lorenzo86 said:

    has potential

    Thank you! I hope you will continue reading it!
  • edited November 2015
    Chapter 3


    “Eh…….what….?”

    Are you serious!? Did it really show Divine Dragonborn!?

    “E-ehh……this is hard to accept……”

    Even though it almost impossible to get this awesome race and I got it
    in whim!? Apologize to all the people who want to be Divine Dragonborn
    dammit!

    “Eh…..but what should I do huh….”

    Certainly this is awesome…..but if people know about this and start
    spreading the news, I might get hunted by high-level players! I can’t
    explore much if I become a rare existence! U-uu…..what should I do……

    *Sigh*

    “For now let’s just move on. Not like I can do anything about it…..”

    Let’s start by checking my appearance first.

    “[Mirror Window] open.”

    A window pop out in front of me, but different from other window, this
    is like a big mirror reflecting myself. This is used for player to check
    their appearance when using new equipment or anything like that.

    “Hooo, I certainly have the same face as in the real world. It’s amazing they can replicate it easily in Virtual World.”

    I have a same appearance like a normal human. The horn and tail will
    grow as I level up. I can’t wait to have horns. Right now, I’m wearing a
    short kimono with white color as base and have red cloud pattern on it.
    It certainly looks cool huh? I look like a martial arts apprentice.
    Each race will has different starting equipment and it seems Dragonborn
    is slightly toward Japanese themes huh.

    “Heehh, this is pretty nice. I should check my equipment.

    “[Equipment Window] open.”
     


    Equipment Window

     

    - [- Red Cloud Kimono -]
     

    - [- Novice White Pants -]
     

     - [- Beginner’s Shoes -]
     

    - [- Beginner Katana -]
     

          Additional Effect:

                                                 


         - Experience 5% Up
     

    “Well, nothing surprising eh? All the equipment is < White Rank >.”

    All items, equipment and other stuff, in S.O have ranking system that is called Color Rank. The lowest ranking is < White Rank >. Continuing the rank in ascending order will be, < Green Rank >, < Blue Rank >, < Purple Rank >, < Red Rank >, < Gold Rank > and < Black Rank >.

    < White Rank > is pretty much a common rank so it doesn’t really have much value. While < Green Rank > would be uncommon, it doesn’t have very high value but it certainly higher than < White Rank >. Then comes the < Blue Rank >, a rare rank that most player would want. Its value is much higher than < Green Rank > and the difficulty to get this color rank item is pretty much harder. For < Purple Rank >, this would be called Epic Rank item, and of course the requirement to get this kind of item is very difficult. Next is, < Red Rank > the
    Legendary Rank item. Well even with this kind of statement people will
    already know how high the value is and how hard to get it. And finally
    comes < Gold Rank >, Myth Rank and < Black Rank >,
    Phantom Rank. Both of this rank’s existence hasn’t been confirmed yet
    because there still no player that has found it in this one year. So the
    highest ranking that has been shown is < Red Rank > and
    there only handful of them. According to the recent news, there are
    only 12 people who have this kind of items, but that can’t be called
    genuine information. There might be player who hiding their items to
    avoid any public’s eyes.

    Well the game has just launched one year ago, so not a lot of the region in Eternia has been explored.

    “Okay! Now then, let’s start the adventure!”

    With an embarrassing pose, I start my adventure in this plain of grassland!

    Hmm, for now I should focus on leveling and try to get a class. Low-level mobs should be my priority right now.

    “[Equipment Summon] [- Beginner Katana -]”

    Several light particles start to form in front of me and a long 28 inch
    katana appeared in front of me. It really looks like a genuine katana,
    it’s like in the movie honestly.

    “I should start to get used to this body first.”

    I begin to make a stance, Seidan no Kamae, a basic stance of kendo. And
    then I start to perform other stance and try to move comfortably and
    smoothly. Seems there is no uncomfortable feeling and I can feel like
    this is directly my body. Dang, technology this days~





    ***


    “Haah! Right  slash!”

    In front of me is a wolf-type monster but
    with long droopy ears. It has a fierce look and its fang is baring
    against me. Damn, it looks really cool!

    I would certainly want to make it my pet…..

    “Take this!”

    This monster is called Plain Wolfrey. Its level is around 3-4 in this
    area. And in front of me is a level 3 Plain Wolfrey. There is much more
    easy level monster around here, but they just too easy to be killed so
    it kinda boring. Right now my level has already reached 2 after I
    started killing some easy mobs. But one thing I must say, it felt very
    awesome to fight monster. It felt like the monster is very real and the
    smooth movement make me doubt if this really just a game. Maybe I should
    try other VRMMORPG and try to compare it with S.O.

    “Finally, hiyaa!”

     “K-kurgh…..”

    I create a feint attack and pierce its throat. Seems by attacking a
    vital part of body has certain effect in the damage. In S.O, when
    fighting monster, the health point of the monster doesn’t shows up and
    the value of the damage player done will not pop out. This feature
    really makes it like a real life…..



    You have killed a Plain Wolfrey Lvl. 3


    Item Dropped:


    - Wolfrey fur x 1




    “Huh….I already get a lot of this fur, maybe it can sewed or crafted too an equipment?”

    I still haven’t get any class and job, so that should be put aside for now. Huh?

    I didn’t know why, but I felt someone staring at me. I tried to search the source of the stare, but I failed.

    “This make me feel a little bit uncomfortable….”

    Maybe I should enter the Evertia’s Eastern City? That is the shortest destination for safe zone…..

    I forgot to say this, but P.K, basically Player Killer exists in S.O.
    Most of them usually appear around mid-level and high-level area, but
    there also some rare cases where this Newbie Killer shows up. Basically
    they pound newbie player for fun. But this is a very rare case because
    around low-level ground there is Guardian that is guarding for each
    area. The Guardian function is to help the newbie players, they can be
    ask for guide, helpful tips and much more. They will also guard the area
    and if there is any P.K-ing the Guardian will help the newbie players.
    The problem is, each Guardian has their own range of protection. So
    right now in this << Evertia’s Plain >> there is Guardian. But it seems I have been out of their range because I was too focused on killing the mobs.

    Sheesh, I really have set myself in a mess huh…..

    *Slash!*

    You have killed Plain’s Boar Lvl. 4


    Item dropped:


    - Plain Tusk x 1
     


    Suddenly another window pops out in front of me.
     
    You have level up!
    Lvl 2 -> Lvl 3
    Stat point + 2
    Skill point + 2

    Skillset unlock: First skill of [ Draco Blood Arts ]

    Skill unlock: [ Slash ]



     

    “Hoh? Seems I’ve unlock this special skillset huh? And a class skill.”

    There are several types of skill in S.O. Race’s Skill, Class’s Skill, Job’s Skill, Special Skill and some other.

    I’ve unlock the Race’s Skillset for Dragonborn, [ Draco Blood Arts ].
    Skillset is different from skill, skillset is meant to be a set of
    skill that when completely mastered, they can be set for a combo. Just
    imagine it likes a martial arts set move. Also Skill System in S.O is
    very fun and unrestrained. Players can learn any skill if they has the
    requirement of the skill. Example, like [ Transformation ] skill,
    only the Beastman race have it, because the requirement for the skill
    is to be a Beastman. Well they can learn, but it is hard to master them.
    Skill can be unlocked if a certain requirement is triggered or learn it
    from the master. The only way to upgrade a skill, is by using skill
    point. Skill point can be gathered by leveling up or using [- Skill Book -]. Unfortunately, [- Skill Book -] is a < Purple Rank >,
    so basically it’s an Epic Rank item and very rarely found. So the price
    for this item skyrocketed and not many people can earn it. There not
    even many people that would sell it, so it basically can be categories
    into < Red Rank > item if
    compared in rarity and price. And the final way to gather skill point,
    the most hated way by players, is by using the skill as much as you can.
    Certainly it does sound easy, but not really, because to get one skill
    point, player might have to use it probably around 50-100 times,
    depending on the skill. That is only for the first time. For the second
    skill point and next other skill point, the difficulty to get it will be
    increased. So this is probably the hardest method to get skill point.
    Not many players adored this way because they thought it is a waste of
    times. Most players buy the [- Skill Book -] from
    the Auction Site, yep using real money. Well S.O can be considers
    second life, so there even stable job in this field. Player can explore
    an unexplored region or land, and record it for information, search rare
    item to auction or anything that can be sell too benefit other player.
    There even LIVE shows in television and streams for S.O or other
    VRMMORPG.

    Oops, seems I’ve been out of topic….

    “[ Skill Window ] [ Draco Blood Arts ] open”
     


    Skill Window [  Draco Blood Arts ]

     

    Description:

     

    The
    secret arts only for the Dragonborn race which has been their
    hereditary. This art has been passed down from generation to generation.
    The only heir for this art is for Dragonborn race. Other race can’t
    learn the secret arts because of the requirement to have the Dragon’s
    lineage.

     

    First skill:

     

    [ Draco Blood Claw Lvl.1 ]

     

    - When activated, both arm will be covered by dragon’s blood and will increase player stat:

     

    - PHY + 2

    - INT + 2

     

    Additional Effect:

     

    [ Weapon Blooded Form ] stat will be added to the weapon that the player use:

     

    - Weapon Damage is increased by 10%

    - Critical chance increase by 10%

     

    *This form can be activated at any time and will consume the mana by 3 per 1 second.

    *This skill also depends on the concentration of dragon’s blood.

     

    Low concentration – Have no effect

    Medium concentration – Skill will be amplified by 50%

    High concentration – Skill will be amplified by 100%

     

    Second skill:

     

    LOCKED

     

    “Hoooh, this is pretty awesome skill eh?”

    Woah, this is a pretty OP skill huh…..but
    dang the mana this skill’s consume pretty a lot….Aside that WTF is this
    broken race honestly, what the hell is up with “Skill will be amplified
    by 100%”!? Doubled effect!? That already broken the balance of the game
    isn’t it!?

    *Sigh*

    Does the game company trolling me? But something off here, the dragon’s
    blood is highlighted by its concentration not by the Dragon’s type….does
    this means the dragon’s blood concentration can be increased?

    “Hm…..well that might be true or not…but still…..I should leave that aside first…”

    My health and mana pool is both 100 right now. That means I can use this
    skill probably around 30 second huh…That pretty short huh? And my mana
    will also be finish at that time….well let just use it as an emergency
    skill. Though I can’t use it a lot of times now, maybe in the future
    I’ll be able to use it leisurely.

    “Well next is [ Slash ]…..well this is a beginner skill”

    “[ Skill Window ] [ Slash ] open~”
    Skill Window [ Slash ]

     

     Description:

     

    A simple attack by using slash-type weapon that use the force of strength.

     

    - Increase damage by 200%

     

    Cooldown: 10 seconds.

     


    “Now that what we called “normal”! Yeah,
    this is pretty balanced skill, though the cooldown is pretty long….well
    if it shorter this skill can be considered broken after all.”

    *kusu* *kusu*

    “Hm?”

    I heard something from the bushes behind me. Is it a monster?

    *kusu* *kusu* *kusukusukusu*

    Woah it became much more vigorous….I should ready my stance.

    *Shuush!!*

    “[ Slash ] activa-!? Eh?”

    “Kyaa! Please help me!!!”

    In front of me is a young girl running toward me with her big axe. What
    with this appearance…..small girl with a big axe? That totally not going
    to happen in real world…..

    *Thump!* *Thump!*

    “H-huh…?”

    And behind her…..is a large boar with red fur and a few horizontal stripes on its body and a broken tusk on its mouth…

    Suddenly a window pops out.



    WARNING!



    A Mini-Boss monster, < One-Tusk Red Boar > has appeared in your viewpoint.

     

     

    < One Tusk Red Boar > Lvl 5

     

    Description:

     

    A
    large boar that born resulting from both normal beast and demon beast
    copulating. It is famed for its strength. Adventurer is advised to not
    fight it head-on.

     

    Rank : Uncommon

     


    “………..eh?”
  • *Today chapter is a little bit shorter

    Chapter 4


    I know that saving girls would be pretty cool, I’ve even done that in real
    life……But I’ve only save them from thugs…..NOT THIS MONSTER!

    “EHHH!!???”

    “U-um, I’m sorry!”

    The young girl shouted at me while running towards me. What is this girl
    thinking!? I’m not even level 4 yet!!! Ah. Level can’t be seen unless the
    players show it……

    “W-what !? Please don’t come here! I’m still a low-level player!”

    “W-well you can help me fight it!”

    What do you mean by that!? Clearly that you just want to dump the monster
    onto me!

    “No can do!”

    “Eh!?”

    I start running ahead as fast as I can.

    “Are you sure you are a man!? Can’t even save a maiden here!?”

    “Shut up! I just start playing the game two hours ago and you want me to
    kill a Mini-Boss monster!? Dream on!”

    “I’ll chase youuuuuuuuu!!!”

    What the hell is wrong with this girl!!!???

     

    ***

     

    I have been running for 15 minutes, and the girl doesn’t even have any sign
    to stop. Ugh, what kind of bad luck do I have…she really is serious about
    chasing me huh…..

    *Sigh*

    No other way than to fight this big guy, I don’t want to waste any more
    time chased by this monster!

    “Ahhhh!!!”

    I take a stop using my dominion leg, and use the forces that have been
    accumulated to rush straight at the left knee of the red boar.

    “E-eh!?”

    The girl looks surprise and stop at the middle of running, and…..she
    stumbled. Huh….a clumsy girl eh?

    “Booooor!?”

    The red boar shocked at my action and deliberately stop it body. Of course
    I’ll not wait for it to recovers from the shock.

     “Take this you dumb boar! [ Slash
    ]
    !”

    “Boooooooorrrrrrr!!!”

    Seem it takes some damage from my attack, but….it doesn’t even leave any
    scratch on the knee!? What the hell!? Maybe it defense is high? I should try to
    target the vital part.

    “Booooor!”

    The red boar starts to attack me with it large tusk. I tried to avoid it,
    but it attack create an aftereffect of small shockwave and I get damaged by it.
    My health has been lowered to 72. This look pretty bad, even a small
    aftereffect has decreased my health point by this much, I can’t even imagine
    how much damage I’ll get if I was hit by that big tusk. I hope it not a one-hit
    situation for me…..

    “Hey you dumb girl! Help me here!”

    “A-ah! Why would I!? You run away from me right!?”

    “Haaaaaaah!? I’m only level 3 right now, so what the hell can I do on a
    level 5 Mini-Boss!? Huh!?”

    “U-uhm….sorry…”

    “Whatever, just help me here! Or I’ll chase you after this!”

    “I will! I will!”

    The girl run toward me but that idiot doesn’t take the notice how the red
    boar is preying her right now.

    “You idiot!”

    The red boar starts charging toward the girl with all it might. I’m pretty sure
    that charge will be a one-hit kill. Should I use [ Draco Blood Arts ]? I
    might be exposed? Thinking back, that is not possible I guess, I’m still low
    leveled and I don’t think she will notice my race. Well looking at how she plays,
    she is probably newbie with no information.

    Then, here goes nothing!

    [ Draco Blood Claw ] Activate!”

    Suddenly several reddish foaming bubble starts to form around both of my
    arm and taking a shape of a dragon claw. Dang, this looks really cool. I charge
    toward the boar and plan to slash it right eye. This timing really nice, even [
    Slash ]
    skill can already be used
    .

    “Eh?”

    The girl just noticed the red boar is charging toward her and start
    panicking. Sheesh, do you even know how to play the game? What is that big axe
    for? Decorations?

    “Use the big axe to ready block it attack!”

    “Ah! Eeii!”

    Uwah, what a cutes scream. No, no, no, focus!

    “Boooooor!!!”

    The red boar almost reaches the girl, but I’m not going to let that happen!
    I jump as high as I can and reach the red boar right eye.

    “Hmph! Take this again! [ Slash ]!”

    “BOOOORRR!???”

    It screams loudly this time, that attack must give it a lot of damage. But I’m
    not going to stop there, the [ Draco Blood Claw ]  
    still in effect after all. I pierce it head and
    do a vertical slash until I reach the ground. Then I pierce it throat and cut
    it ear down. I wait until [ Slash ] to cooldown, and use it again at it
    head.

    “Haaaah!!! [ Slash ]!!!”

    “B-booor….oouuu-“

    Oh? It was stunned? My continuously attack has effected it. Hehe, this really
    is a nice luck! Ah, my mana is finish.

    “Ugh, whatever, I’ll try to attack it as much as I can now and pray it to
    die. Oy, dumb girl, you attack it too.”

    “W-who is the dumb girl!”

    You, of course, lol. I slash it using momentum to increase the force and
    keep chaining my attack. While she….keep swinging the large axe randomly…..

    *Sigh*

    And finally,

    “B-booru………..”

    The red boar died. Thanks to me of course. Well a little bit on the dumb
    girl.

    A window pops out.

     

    Congratulation! You kill the Mini-Boss, < One-Tusk
    Red Boar > Lvl 5!

     

     

    Item dropped:

     

    - Large Bone Tusk x 1

     

    - Tough Red Fur x 1

     

    - Red Tusk Spear x 1

     

     

    “Phew, well that pretty rewarding.”

    *Ding*

    Oh I leveled up!

    You have level
    up!

    Lvl 3 -> Lvl 4

    Stat point + 2

    Skill point +
    2

    Skill unlock:
    [ Magic Ball ]

     

    Oh! Finally a
    novice magic skill! Ah, I have to deal with that girl first….

    “So, do you have
    anything to say?”

    “E-eh? It’s not
    my fault! Y-you can kill it right? S-so you should help me from the start, not
    run away! Right, right!”

    Wooow, she sure
    stuttered so many word huh….and what the hell with that statement……who’re you
    to decide which is right and which is wrong? This girl really get on my nerve…

    “Huhhhh? Do you
    even know what just happen there? I got lucky because the monster got stunned for
    a while. If not for that, both of us would already be dead. And I’m just a
    level 3 player back then, and do you expect a mere level 3 to defeat a
    Mini-Boss?”

    “B-but you killed
    it….”

    “That because I was
    lucky! What if the monster not stunned? And I just started playing it today and
    already fated to be met by disaster!”

    “Eh, t-today!?
    You mean you just started and already be able to kill this monster!?”

    “Huh? Well yeah?”

    “What!? Don’t lie
    to me!”

    “Why the hell
    should I lie to you? Didn’t I just say, that I played the game two hours ago.”

    “TWO HOURS!?”

    Eh….what now…

    “What so weird
    about it? You’re starting to worries me…”

    “Of course it’s
    weird! Normally beginner can’t even beat Puff Rabbit!

    What…..for your
    information, Puff Rabbit is the easiest monster in Evertia’s Plain. Their level
    is around 1 – 2. Well, the annoying part to kill them is that, they keep
    hopping and will escape very fast when they nearly dead. The easy way to kill
    them is just watching its timing and jumping pattern. And then kill it in
    one-shot! Well it is news to me that even beginner can’t kill them.

    “Uh…are you
    serious? They are not that hard to kill though.”

    “Of course I’m
    serious, what do you mean it not hard, they just keep jumping and running! It
    really annoy me!”

    Hey, don’t rant
    it out to me. It’s not my fault. Go to Linker’s Headquarter or something.

    “And you dumb
    girl, what’s your level? The way you speak seems like you have some experience….and
    that large axe, you should already apply for a class right?”

    “Eh, well yeah, I
    already level 8 now and a Warrior.”

    “What!? Level 8!?
    You can’t even beat that level 5 monster!? It just a Mini-Boss! Not even
    Sub-Boss monster!”

    “D-don’t blame
    me! That stupid red boar just suddenly charge toward me! How can I keep calm in
    that situation!”

    Uwahhh……she looks
    like she wants to cry…..maybe I’m going to far…

    “A-ah, sorry,
    maybe you’re right. So how should we divide the item?”

    “It’s okay. I don’t
    need it, the one who kill it is you after all. You can take all of it.”

    “Really? Then
    thank you! That helps me a lot.”

    “The one who need
    to thank is me, thank you.”

    Wow, her
    atmosphere sure change to refine. Really, different from her panic mode. Well
    now I fully saw her appearance, she quite pretty huh? She has a straight black
    hair, with a big pair of eyes. That makes her look really cute if you look
    closer. And her ear…….it’s pointy? And her eyes…..red!? Eh….w-what!?

    “Hey! Are you an
    elf!?”

    “H-huh? U-uh yeah?”

    Uwah, an elf in
    front of me…..Even though it’s not Dark Elf Onee-chan, this is quite
    fulfilling. I take her hand with my both hands.

    “E-eh!?”

    Her face is
    flushed red. Uoooohhhh!!!!! That reaction is cute!!

    “Thank you, you
    has made my dream come true.”

  • *Here is chapter 5! Hope you guys enjoy it! Please give me suggestion if you have!


    *I
    plan to create the map for Eternia and other stuff like the formation
    pattern to help you guys have a much more clearer image. Maybe i'll do
    it after i've finish chapter 10. Ah please wait for the cover and some
    art for it!




    Thank you again! Please enjoy!


    Chapter 5

    “Kurrrr!”

    “Haaah! [ Slash ]!”

    “K-kurr…-“

     

    You have killed Plain’s Cocko Lvl. 5

    Item Dropped:

    - Soft Yellow feather x 1
     


    ”If I can cook this bird…..I bet it taste awesome…ouch my cheek feel burned…”

    The monster that I just killed is called, Plain’s Cocko, a level 5
    monster with a bird-like head and chicken body. They look very cute, but
    they can be hostile if you attack them. Also, if you farm this mobs,
    you might be able to get [ - Golden Meat - ] a < Blue Rank >  ingredient
    that can fetch pretty high price in auction market. But the chance to
    get it from low-level Cocko is very low, so it just a waste of time if
    you farm it here.

    “Eiya!”

    And the young girl is beside me killing a level 6 Grey Wolfrey. She
    looks really cute huh…..with that pointy ear, ahhhh…….if just I be able
    to touch it once. Though I've tried, I’ve been slapped by her until my
    cheek become red as tomato. By the way her character name is Akai. She
    really takes a suitable name for her character.

    “Heyyy~ Akai-chan, I’ve already finished here, do you need some help?”

    “Don’t you dare to come here! If you try to touch me again I’ll kill you!”

    O-oof, what a powerful tsundere power! She really cute.

    “If you say so Akai-chan~”

    “U-ugh….this guy…”

    Anyway, I just finish eliminating a group of Plain’s Cocko, and all I got is this [ - Soft Yellow Feather -]. Can’t I get weapons or armor!? I almost level 5 anyway, I’ll be able to choose a class from there.

    In S.O, there is ranking system for class. The lowest class is of course
    Novice. Starting from level 5, player can choose from 4 Beginner
    Normal-Type Class, Warrior, Mage, Thief, and Healer. After Beginner
    Class, player can upgrade it to Advanced Class. The player must follow
    the requirement to upgrade the class. There might be a quest if the
    players want to upgrade their class ranking. So the ranking for class in
    S.O is started by Beginner Class, Advanced Class, Expert Class, Master
    Class, and Grandmaster Class. There also 2 hidden ranking that hasn’t
    been show. The highest class ranker that has existed in S.O right now is
    at Master Class. There still no information about Grandmaster Class.
    Also each class will have their own branch of upgrade in ranking.
    Example, from Beginner Class of Warrior to Advanced Class, the player
    will have two choices, become a Swordman or Mercenary.  And upgrading
    class rank does not depend on one’s level. Each class has their own
    level starting from level one until ten. The class level's experience
    accumulated when the player kill a monster. There also some quest that
    give class experience.

    Notice that there is Normal-Type Class? There isn’t only one type of
    class in S.O. The Special-Type Class. This class is different from
    Normal-Type Class. It can’t be apply like how you apply Normal-Type
    Class at The Guild. The only way to get it is by doing hidden quest. And
    that depends on your luck. If you're lucky then you found it, if you
    don’t, then you don’t. By the way, after getting Normal-Type Class it
    doesn’t mean that you can’t get Special-Type Class. Player can still get
    the Special-Type Class by getting rid their Normal-Type Class. Yep, it
    means they have to forever get rid of their Normal-Type Class ranking.
    For example, if a player is an Expert Class, and he found a Special-Type
    Class by mere luck, he have to get rid his Expert Class to start the
    Special-Type Class at Beginner Class back. So he has to work hard again
    to upgrade the class rank for Special-Type Class. But the player will
    get a stat boost when he received the Special-Type Class. And another
    important information here, there is only one for each Special-Type
    Class, and getting a Special-Type Class doesn’t mean the class is
    strong. It depends on what the class is specialized for.

    After getting a new class, player can learn the specialize skill for the
    class chosen. So each class will has different skill, though player can
    learn the basic skill for each class by buying it respective skill
    book, the advanced skill and higher level skill can’t be learned. All
    high level skill books are in < Red Rank > so to get the skill book is almost impossible. There are only 2 < Red Rank > skill books that have been found in S.O. < Raging Storm > an Expert Class level skill and < Magic Hand > an
    Advanced Class level skill. The community right now can’t confirm
    whether if the class ranking is higher, the color rank will also
    increase, because both Expert Class level skill and Advanced Class level
    skill is both < Red Rank >.

    “Well that it for Class System. Hm?”

    I noticed there is blue light lingering behind the trees. Is it a hidden area I wonder? I start to move toward the path.

    “Hey Akai-chan, there something there.”

    “Hm? Okay?”

    I called Akai-chan and she started to follow me. The path toward the hidden place is full of flora. It looks very beautiful.

    So this is the power of nature huh?

    “Uwah…..so beautiful…”

    Seems she do know how to appreciate nature.

    “But you’re more beautiful Akai-chan.”

    Heheh, what a nice timing for a pick-up line.

    “W-what!? Don’t even think I’ll be played by your word! I’ll never ever let you touch my ears!”

    Hehhhh, you don’t have to denied it that much you know? That hurts me a little….

    “If you say so then…..”

    I make a sulk face to make her feel a little bit guilty.

    “A-ah….”

    She really easy to reads. Finally, we reach the end of the path. I can feel a very cool and windy breeze rushing out toward me.

    “This is……..”

    “W-wow……”

    In front of us is a beautiful lake with glistering light result from the
    light been reflected by the water. But, the water’s color is so blue
    that I doubt if this really doesn’t have any chlorine inside it. It
    really is mesmerizing. Not just the lake, but the surrounding also
    impressively neat and pretty. The weird thing about this place is, there
    not even one monster, or animal in this region.

    “What does this placed calle-“

    *Ding!*

    A window suddenly pops out.
     


    Congratulation! You have found a hidden area, < Nature’s Gift >


    First time found: Fame + 50, Experience + 250


    Fame + 100


    Experience + 500


    ”Ooh! A hidden place, we’ve hit a jackpot!”

    Wow an increased in fame and experience, this is pretty cool.

    “……..”

    Seems she still mesmerized by the nature.

    *Ding!* 
    You have level up!


    Lvl 4 -> Lvl 5


    Stat point + 2


    Skill point + 2


    Skill unlock: [ Complete Draco Transformation ]


    You can now upgrade your class at The Guild.



    Woah, I leveled up! And finally, I have unlocked the special
    transformation skill! Yes! I should start to allocate my stat and skill
    point after I choose a class. But before that, I should walk around this
    area first, can’t let this nature goes away from my eyes. There might
    be treasure, but I doubt that.

    “Hey Akai-chan, I’ll take a walk from here. You can explore it by yourself okay?”

    “E-eh!? Ah yeah…”

    Sheesh, girls….

    ***
     
    And right now, in front of me is a big stone monument with weird ancient
    word carved on it. I found this after I circle around the lake and saw a
    small cave. I decided to venture into it hoping to see some monster pop
    out or something. But there nothing in it, so I decided to went deeper.
    And finally I found this big stone monument.

    “Hm, what does this stone do? Isn’t there any switch or something?”

    I tried to search if there is any suspicious part of this stone, but there still no results.

    “But this ancient word, it really looks very mysterious.”

    I tried to touch the carved word and suddenly a blue light surround me
    and blind my eyes. After a while, the blue light calm down, and when I
    look at the stone back, the ancient word gone.

    “Eh? What just happen!?”

    What is happening here? Is it an activation of Boss monster? Did I just happen to awake a dangerous monster?

    Then suddenly,

    *Ding!*
     


    You has receive a Special-Type Class < Environmentalist Lvl.1 >


    Description:


    A
    classes that can ask the help of nature, use the advantage of terrain,
    weather and has full affinity on all element. The predecessor has put
    all the knowledge about being Environmentalist in the monument, [ -
    Alchemia's Legacy Monument - ]. If someone who has the same wavelength
    or affinity with her appeared at the monument, he or she will become the
    second Environmentalist. He or she will not be able to reject the class
    as it will force you to accept the knowledge no matter what.


    Stat increased:


    INT + 5


    WIS + 5


    HLT + 5


    New Skill Unlock: [ Create ] [ Nature’s Lover ] [ Weather Support ] [ Element’s Lover]


    W-what!? No, no, no! What the heck!? Why the hell I can’t decide to accept it or not!?

    “What should I do…..?”

    I already plan to have thief as my first class. I want to avoid being a
    long range player. If I become a long range player I can’t utilize my
    martial arts! Also the Dragonborn’s Race Skills are all specialize in
    melee combat! What do I do!? Dammit!

    And why the heck a Special-Type Class appear here!?

    “F-first, let me check all the skill…[ Skill Window ] Environmentalist level 1.” 
     

    Skill Window Environmentalist Lvl.1


    [ Create ]


    Description:


    A
    unique skill that only available for an Environmentalist. The skill
    will let the user to create any object by using nature ingredient. By
    using the weather condition as an advantage, user can create a
    devastating effect to attack the enemy. This skill is not an offensive
    type skill, it is a utility type skill. User will have to remember the
    Create Formation to use this skill.


    - Consume 50 mana per use


    [ Nature’s Lover ] (Passive)


    Description:


    A passive skill that let the user to be loved by the nature and will be able to uses the nature’s source of power.


    LUK + 5


    [ Weather’s Support ] (Passive)


    Description:


    If
    the user do an action in any weather-related situation, user will get
    an increase amount of stat depending on the weather’s condition.


    [ Element’s Lover ] (Passive)


    Description:


    User
    will have 100% of affinity in any type of element including Void
    element. User would also be able to learn any elemental type of skill.


    Just as i thought! Most of them are like a mage-type skill. Only one
    active skill? And what is this formation? How should I know? And 50 mana
    per use!? That almost half of my mana pool!

    “Ah……my life in S.O is destroyed…..”

    “Show [ Create ] formation.”

    *Ding!*

    A window appeared and it show and image of a stylish pattern of a
    formation. It looks very simple but also very smooth. The one who
    thought this formation pattern really are creative.

    “Hm, so it has a starting point and an ending point. I guess I have to start from the start point then.”

    I use my hand to draw the formation pattern as smooth as possible, it
    take me around 5 second to draw it completely and it not perfectly
    smooth. A dim red light glow at the tip of my finger when I start to
    draw the formation.

    “Like this? Then what?”

    I guess I should activate it like other skill?

    “[ Create ]?”

    “………….”

    “………………….”

    “……………………….”

    Nothing happen? Eh? Is there something wrong? The formation still stays floating on the air? There should be no problem though?

    “Uhm, [ Create ]”

    “…………….”

    “……………………..”

    “……………………………..”

    What the hell!? Is it malfunctioning!? Oh come on! I already said the skill name right? What part did I so wrong!?

    “Ahhhh come on! [ Create ] a HUGE GOLEM OR SOMETHING!?”

    *crack*

    “Huh?”

    *crack* *crack*

    Suddenly the ground start cracking and the earth start to form a huge sum of earth from the ground.

    *Craccccccck*

    It slowly forms into a huge sized body. Suddenly the body grew two huge
    arm left and right. It has a terrifying figure. It head has two circles
    shaped eyes and it start looking toward me. I unconsciously become
    vigilant and ready my stance, but....

    “Hummmmmmm”

    Suddenly it bow its body and kneel in front of me.

    “Eh……..?”
  • *Chapter 6 done! Finally gonna get some action!

    Thanks for reading! 

    Chapter 6

    *Thump*

    “………”

    *Thump*

    “………”

    Crash!

    In front of me is
    a fragment of earth that came from the golem. The golem I created just now is
    crumbling by itself in front of me. The source of that problem is because of my
    mana, it has not even been 10 second after the golem created, but my mana
    already been depleted completely. I’m pretty shocked by how this skill actually
    works. But I still can’t confirm 100% of how it totally works yet, I still need
    some time to study it.

    “I should drink
    this [ - Novice’s Mana Potion – ]

    This item came
    from the [ Item box ] starting from beginning game. In other words, it
    is a starter item. It allows player to recovers 50 mana in one bottle. Right
    now I need too experimented a lot of thing with this [ Create ] skill.
    There is a lot of question right now in my head. Like, why does the description
    of the skill tell that the skill consume 50 mana per use, but it didn’t tell
    player that it will continue to consume player’s mana if a living being or
    rather a servant is created? And is there any restriction of the creation? Will
    the ingredient be limited to earth only?

    I think I can
    already guess about how the mana used for this skill. Even though the
    description tell the player that the skill consume 50 mana per uses, it also
    said “This
    skill is not an offensive type skill, it is a utility type skill
    ”.
    Means it is an all-purpose skill. So my hypothesis is the way and amount of the
    mana is consumed are all depends on what you create. Though it is only a
    hypothesis for now, I still need to do an experiment to confirm it.

    “Anyway, this
    skill is pretty sick.”

    If the skill has
    no restriction at all, it basically means I can create anything. But I doubt
    that. There must be some restriction for the skill. But for now I need to go
    back, she must have wait for quite a while.

    While pondering
    about [ Create ] skill, I started walking to where I left her.

    “Also all this
    passive skill….”

    I haven’t really
    focused on them, but when I read it in detail back, the passive skills are
    probably functioning to support the [ Create ] skill. I never heard
    about an Environmentalist class yet in any information site for S.O, so I don’t
    really have any information about this class for now.

    *Sigh*

    No use to fret,
    after this I’ll log off for a while and take some rest. Then I’ll plan what
    should I do for now. Ah I haven’t check the information for [ Complete Draco
    Transformation ]
    .

    [ Skill
    Window ] [ Complete Draco Transformation ]
    open.”

     

    Skill
    Window [ Complete Draco Transformation Lvl. 1 ]

    Description:

    The transformation
    skill for Divine Dragonborn. This skill will let the user to transform into a
    complete “Draco Blood Mode” that will increase player stat by 100%. But the
    cost of using this skill is very high and life threatening.  Please be very careful when using this skill.

    - Consume 10
    health points per second

    - The skill
    will be automatically stopped when the health points reach 1.

     

    “Wha!? 10 health
    point per second!? That is too unfair!”

    My maximum HP
    right now is not even at 150! I can’t even use this skill for 15 seconds! Ugh,
    this is a pretty hardcore skill huh? Still the effect is doubled stats, that
    means, my overall strength is amplified by double. That…..is certainly worth
    it. Still, the skill can still be enhance? I wonder how it will be enhance? Increase
    the effects? Decreased the amount of health point used?

    Right now I’m at
    level 5, and there about 10 stats and skill point that I haven’t use. I should
    allocate them wisely. Though I said that, the [ Create ] doesn’t have
    any level, means it can’t be enhance. It will be much more weirds if it still
    can be enhance, the skill already broken enough. So that left me with [
    Draco Blood Claw ]
     and [ Complete
    Draco Transformation ]
    . For [ Slash ] and [ Magic Ball] skill,
    it can’t be enhance because it is only a Novice Class skill. I think it is
    better for me to store the skill point first. Even if I enhance between the two
    skills, there will obviously be an increase of mana consume for each skill.
    That will just be a big waste.

    Ah finally found
    her.

    “…………”

    Wow she looks
    really dazzling right now. While she was sitting on the rock at the lake side,
    the light makes her hair look very silky and dazzling. Not only that, with her
    white skin enough, and a pair of ruby eyes, she look like someone came out from
    a painting. I’ve become enticed at her for quite a while. But I still need to
    keep some distance with her, though I doubt it, I still doesn’t fully trusted
    her yet.

    “Hey there
    Akai-chan~”

    “Ah! H-hey…..”

    “How is it?
    Having fun here?”

    “Uhm...yeah, this
    place really beautiful and relaxing! Felt like I can just rest here forever.”

    “Oh, why didn’t
    you go explore the lake area? There might be some treasure.”

    “Huh? Why should
    I? I’m not bothered with those things.”

    Hehhhh, guess she
    only play the game for fun.

    “Well, we have
    some free time right now. How about we become more closer to each other?”

    “W-what do you
    mean by that!? Who wants to be closer with you huh?!”

    “Wow you sure are
    a genuine tsundere, not like I hate it.”

    “U-umu….y-you….”

    “Haha, what I mean
    by closer is not like what in your lewd head right now. What I mean is we
    should tell more about ourselves, so we know each other much better~”

    “WHAT DO YOU MEAN
    BY LEWD HEAD!? I DIDN’T THINK ANYTHING LEWD AT ALL!!!”

    Uwahh, do you
    have to scream?

    “Wow your
    reaction is really at topnotch.”

    “…….Whatever!”

    Oh well, guess I should
    start by a question.

    “So Akai-chan,
    why did you start playing this game?”

    “…….Hmph! Why
    should I answer you?”

    “Haha, I’m sorry
    about teasing you, so tell me pretty please?”

    “I-if you insist…..”

    She started to
    tell me why she started to play the game. At first, she was just enticed by how
    the Virtual World stuff works. Then at a certain time, she started to have a
    desire to play the game. But after trying it for the first time, she was disappointed.
    It’s not related to any of the world condition or the body condition in the
    game. It because playing the game is hard by itself. Well obviously, because
    everything is done by our body, we can’t just kill the monster by
    mouse-and-click way. Majority of MMORPG is done like that, so there not many
    people who have the experience of fighting a beast is in this world anymore. By
    the way she started to play at one week ago. I’m totally shocked by that. But what
    the hell? Only at level 8? ONE WEEK? My goodness…..

    If I said that to
    her face, I’m pretty sure she’ll totally P.Ked me. That would be very bad huh….

    And here I doubt
    her, I’ll apologize sincerely at my H-E-A-R-T. Teehee~

    “Well that about
    it.”

    “Hehhh, so you
    just played it for fun eh? And in this one week have you made any friends?”

    “U-urk!”

    Spot on~

    With her
    attitude, I don’t think a lot of people will have a good impression of her. And
    that explain a lot why she so slow at leveling.

    “Haha, seems I’m
    your first eh?”

    “W-WHAT!? NO!”

    “Eh, I’m not your
    friend?”

    “E-eh? Uhm, you
    are my friend….n-no! Not friends but rival! Yeah, rival!”

    Sheesh, just be
    honest will you.

    “Rival ehhhh,
    then [ Add Friend ] Akai.”

    “Hm?!”

    There you go.

    “…………..”

    She hesitated a
    little bit before chose to accept the invitation.

    *Ding*

     

    Akai has accepted your friend
    request!

    She will now be added in your friend
    list.

     

    ”Heehhh, not
    friends huh?”

    “Not friends but
    rival! I just accept it because there is no rival category for this!”

    “Alright,
    alright. Now then let’s go back to the plain grassland, I also want to log off
    after this.”

    “Ah….really…”

    D-don’t make
    sulky face! I-I’m weak to it!

    “Come on now, it’s
    not like we will not meet again. You can always call me at your friend list~”

    I tried to keep a
    poker face to maintain my composure look.

    “Hm…okay…”

    “Okay, let’s go.”

    O-oof A-akai-san,
    what a cute reaction! Critical damage!

    Man, she looks
    like a puppy.

     

    ***

     

     After we step out from the hidden area, I noticed
    the blue light has gone. And when I tried to check the path back to <
    Nature’s Gift >
    , the surrounding has become different and all the
    beautiful nature decoration that surround the path has gone. I wonder if the
    hidden area can only be accessed once?

    “It certainly
    gone huh…”

    “Yeah…..”

    She makes a
    disappointed face. She must love that place. I’ll try to search it again if I have
    some free times after this.

    “Don’t worry, we
    will find it again after this.”

    “Mhm.”

    Then we proceed
    until we reach half of where we have been. I also killed some mobs around there.
    She also has improved a little bit at controlling her large axe.

    Then, they come.

    “L-Luke…..”

    I heard a human
    step from behind us. It coming closer and louder by each step. Honestly, I don’t
    really like where is this going…..

    “This…..”

    And the human
    steps that I heard, increased by its volume, meaning that it is not only one
    people there. This seems pretty bad, I totally forgot about the P.Ker that been
    following me for quite a while. And finally, a large build middle-aged man
    appeared in front of us.

    “Yo.”

    He greeted us
    with a simple and casual manner. I didn’t dislike it.

    “Ah, hello.”

    For starters, I should
    just ready my skill in case of emergency. Right now, I can only use the [
    Create ]
     skill two times, max. But I
    still need to preserve some of my mana to use [ Draco Blood Claw] or [
    Complete Draco Transformation ]
    . If possible I don’t really want to use
    them, it might expose my race honestly. But this is a desperate situation I guess?

    For the [ -
    Novice Mana Potion - ]
    , I’ve only left with another 4, after taking one of
    it. I don’t think I be able to escape this…….I don’t want to leave Akai-chan
    alone anyway.

    “Well you sonny,
    we are here to show some newbs how seniority works around here.”

    “Oh mister honorable,
    please do tell this junior how would you want to teach us.”

    “L-Luke!”

    Akai-chan look
    really scared, damn, now I started to get pissed. It all because of you
    dumbass!

    “Hehh, how about
    you hand her over first eh?”

    Okay that’s it. I’m
    totally pissed right now.

    “Akai-chan, I’m have
    to do something here, so please use [ - Transport Stone - ]  to go back to nearest city.”

    [ - Transport
    Stone - ]
     , is an item that will let the player to
    transport instantly to the nearest city. The player will be transported to The
    Guild branch in the city. Player would be able to obtain this item after they
    apply for their first class. This stone can be categories as an emergency item,
    it can be used once a day and also can be used anytime and anywhere. Really
    useful for beginner.

    The stone could
    also be bought at The Guild, for some price. I’m really glad she already
    applied for the class.

    “E-eh!? How about
    you?!”

    “Nah, don’t worry
    about me, I can settle all this faggot in a minute!”

    Though I said
    that, I’m totally not confident. I hope to at least to kill one of them. I don’t
    even know their level yet.

    “Hahaha kid! You
    sure got guts! But I don’t think both of you’ll escape! Guys, start the ambush!”

    Suddenly from the
    bushes and trees, 3 figures come out. Plus with the middle-aged man, there are
    four people at total. Protecting Akai-chan is the first priority!

    “Akai-chan,
    please do what I have told you okay!? I’ll meet you back after this!”

    “E-eh N-NO!”

    Sorry Akai-chan.

    *Sigh*

    Don’t think I’ll
    be able to log off soon….

    I started drawing
    the Creation Formation, after practicing enough, I already got the hang of this
    formation pattern. It’s pretty easy actually.

    [ Create ] Earth
    and Wood Sphere, surround her!”

    *Shooosh*
    *Grumbleee*

    Suddenly the
    ground and the trees around me started to surround Akai-chan to protect her. It
    speedily start to form a big sphere, it like a small version of earth except
    without water. That would give her some time to use the stone.

    “W-wha!? What is
    this Luke!?”

    *Bang* *Bang*

    “O-ouch….uuu…..”

    Uwah, she sure
    smash the inside pretty hard huh…..Haven’t tell you guys, but S.O has nerve
    sensor too, so player can also feel all the fifth sense. But for pain, it doesn’t
    feel much, it just like you’re jolted with small electricity. Not powerful one
    for sure.

    “H-hey! No Luke! This
    is not fair!”

    “Sorry~ Come on
    now, please listen to me, use the stone okay? I also want a hero sometimes!”

    “………..”

    Anyway, this
    chance also gives me a situation to experiment all my skills!

  • dremaer3 said:

    I love this story I hope you continue this pls

    I really appreciate your comment! I'll try not to disappoint you!
  • *Tell me what you guys think!
    Thank you for reading!

    Chapter 7

    “I’ll wait for you
    at < Eastern Everitia’s City >! I won’t forgive you if you’re late!”

    “Mission
    accepted. Then ojou-chan, please transport now okay?”

    “Then…..”

    Finally, I
    successfully persuade her. Well, after this, I’ll be transported to <
    Eastern Everitia’s City >
    no matter what. After all, there is no chance
    for me to win this. But I’m not going back down easily too.

    “Hoooh, quite an honorable
    deed eh? I really admired you.”

    “Hahaha thanks.
    Though, I don’t think beating a newbie like me with a group of four people is
    really honorable eh?”

    “Well that is
    true, but who cares? We do this just for fun. We also will be able to get some
    reputation if we keep killing.”

    Reputation huh?
    So that means he already set himself to the path P.Kers. That pretty nasty.

    In S.O, there is
    reputation or in another word fame stat. This stat can be increased, but it can
    also decrease, but of course increasing it will be a good benefit for players.
    But that doesn’t mean decreasing the stat doesn’t have any benefit. Though if
    the players get a certain negative amount of fame stats, they will not be able
    to enter any city because they will be apprehends by the city’s guard
    immediately. But there is an underground community for this kind of player.
    There even a dark guild that mostly made of this kind of player. There is a lot
    of way to decrease the fame stat, thievery, player killing, and bunch of them. Invading
    a territory from other factions without any solid reasons will also decreased
    the player fame.  

    “Hehhh, so you
    already decide your future?"

    “Well probably
    yes, I already did quite a long thinking about this matter.”

    For P.Kers, they
    are treated same as a criminal. They will be hunt by the Bounty Hunters and if
    their reputation is truly bad, the faction in Eternia will even send an army to
    search them. There even a case where in < Chuan Qi Dynasty >
    the king was assassinated by a player and he was hunted by
    the whole faction. There still now news about him though.

    “Well then, how do you want to die?”

    The man asks me with a sinister smile. What the hell? So
    creepy. Did he swing that way? I truly hope his not…..

    “Uhm, gently I guess?”

    “Then we will do the opposite.”

    Wow, what a cruel human. Whatever, the first one who initiated
    the battles usually wins.

    I put a huge amount of force from the tip of my toes, and
    immediately charge towards the man.

    *Zum!*

    For now I’ll just use my instinct and normal attack. I don’t
    think I’ll be able to scratch them with this weapon though.

    “Take this!”

    Surprised by my action, the man tried to frantically dodge
    but obviously he is too slow. Slashed by my attack, his face becomes truly
    twisted.

    “You……really are daring….”

    “I got that a lot. Anyway, may I ask sir honorable about
    your level?”

    “Heh, what? You think you can win?”

    “Obviously not. I just want to know what level is the person
    who will kill me first in this game.”

    “Hmph, right now all of us are already at level 10. And not
    a single one of use doesn’t have < Green Rank > weapon. You are
    fated to die already.”

    “Sir honorable, are you an idiot? I already told you that
    obviously I can’t win. Why did you have to mention it again? And, pfft what? Fated?
    Do you think I’ll not be able to revive back and hunt you guys down? Hah you
    all are just merely minion level.”

    *Twitch*

    “You kid, really looking to die. I’ll totally be glad to
    help you!”

    “Hah! Try me!”

    [ Equipment Summon ] [ - Blue Bone Greatsword - ]!”

    Finally the man summons his weapon. That is certainly a <
    Green Rank >
    weapon. It has a different aura and appearance from common
    equipment. But even if he has a good weapon, doesn’t mean it can reach me.

    “Such a waste, that a good weapon is in your hand.”

    “Hmph! So what!? Not like you have it!”

    “Stop talking trash and fight already.”

    “G-guh……you…..you guys stay out of this, I’ll settle this
    myself!”

    I guess the other player is his henchman huh. Want to fight
    me alone? He really is an idiot. I’ll be sure to kill him!

    “Haha! What an idiot you’re! Then here I come first!”

    I charged at him again and use my leg to strike his face.

    “Guah! What!? Why didn’t you use your weapon!?”

    “Huh? Is there any rule that the fight should only be used
    by weapons? You sure are a narrow-minded person.”

    “You!!!! Haaaaah!!!!”

    What? Striking it just like that? You are just wasting your
    energy LOL.

    “You’re really boring.”

    I dodge the vertical strike that he made and bent over to
    target onto his ribs. I hope this count as vital part too.

    [ Slash ]!”

    I immediately use [ Slash ] skill at his ribs, and then
    I followed it with a straight kick blowing him away.

    “Guah! W-what the hell!? How can you move like that!”

    Though it just felt like you’ve been jolted with small electricity
    if you’re attacked, I can still give him a real pain if I continuously attack
    him. So I didn’t stop there and rush toward him.

    “You mouth reeks of smell you know.”

    But still my attack doesn’t really give much damages, I need
    to amplify my body first.

    [ Draco Blood Claw ] activate!”

    When the man saw several red bubbles surrounding my arm, he
    become vigilant and ready himself. Finally the red bubbles concentrated in a
    claw shape. I started to attack him with chained move with the katana.

    “Hah you’re weak! Not even a worthy of mine!”

    Being relentlessly attacked by me, the man slowly being
    cornered down. Sheesh, does all players are like this? He can’t even put up a
    good fight for me. I decide to finish this quickly as possible. So I stop my [
    Draco Blood Claw ]
    and use [ Magic Ball ] shooting at him
    vigorously. Because of the stat boost I got from the Special-Type Class, I pretty
    much almost got a 3 level boost in INT stat. So physical damages will not give
    much effects to him. After he been hit by my [ Magic Ball ] his face
    changed. I guess that magic does do some damage to him.

    “W-wha!? Y-youuuuu!!! ARGH!!! ALL OF YOU JOIN ME TO ATTACK
    HIM! NOW!!”

    Hehhhh, you know that pretty shameless.

    “You’re really shameless. I think you’re an embodiment of
    cowardice itself you know. At least fight as a brave man until the end,
    seriously….”

    “I don’t care anymore! What I know is that I’ll kill you!”

    Well seems I’ll be dead after all. But before that….I slowly
    muttered….

    [ Complete Draco Transformation ] activate. [
    Draco Blood Claw ]
    activate.”

    “Huh?”

    The man stupefied, because in front of him is not a human
    looking player anymore. But that is too late. Though the form is a little bit
    slow to take form, my overall power has already been amplified by 100%, so I kill
    him in 5 second. I behead his head to look a little bit cooler.

    I’m glad Akai-chan isn’t here, or she will be terrified by
    me.

    The others were stupefied. They are still far away from the
    man so they can’t comprehend what just happened in a few seconds. My health
    already dropped by 50 but I still had some mana to use left. If possible, I don’t
    want to use [ - Novice Mana Potion - ]. The real mana potion will cost a
    lot of gold to be use. Whatever, I’ll die anyway, let me kill some of them
    until my mana finished. I still got some health point left. Though I got some
    boost in HLT stat, it doesn’t really improve my health point by much. While
    still in “Draco Blood Mode”, I rush at the first person that comes in my eyes. He
    is a skinny guy. Is he an Elf? Bah a male Elf? KILL!

    “Take this retard! [ Slash ]!”

    Then I continued by throwing [ Magic Ball ] at him
    and he’s been given an immense damage by it. Not done just by that, I throw
    another [ Magic Ball ] toward the person behind him. Then continue to
    attack the male elf until his dead. I only have around 30 health point, so I just
    bombard the [ Magic Bomb ] toward the Halfling behind him. And finally I
    managed to kill three of the four in the group. Seriously, are all this
    guy stupid? They can’t even beat a level 5 player? Even with a < Green
    Rank >
    weapon for each of them. Still my health point already
    left with one only. But I don’t really want to be killed by a ma-…..

    “Hiyaaaaaa!”

    Ah, it’s a girl.

  • edited November 2015
    Hello There~! I'm New To This Site But I Hope We'll Get Along.

    What Drew Me Here Is Because Of The Title. It's JAPANESE! So I Immediately Read It And Wish To Offer My Sentiments Regarding Your Esteemed Work. And Before I Begin, I Would Like To Thank You For Creating This Story And I Hope You Continue This Until The End. ^_^


    So Seikatsu Online... Looking at its title I was expecting something with the line of LMS because Seikatsu means Livelihood and in LMS, artisans can level just by doing their own job. But as soon as I started reading it, I immediately noticed that it was just the same as other VRMMORPG stories.

    The first thing I noticed in your work is that the MC's game name is totally impossible to use. "Luke" is a very common name, and taking into account that the game has been running for not more than a year, this name should have been long gone. STILL, it's already done so not gonna mention it but I do hope you'll consider this point next time.

    Second will be your first person narration. While first person narration is something you can do with the most leisure, your narration mixes the MC's thought and narration. You can input the character's thought BUT don't mix it when he's narrating the story.

    Like this line for example "Okay next is Elf. ELF!!!! WHOAAAAAAA! ELFFFF YEAHHHHH!!!" The statement shows some sort of narration but in between comes the fangirling sounds of the MC. This, IMO, is something that shouldn't be done. You can still do it but put the narration and thoughts on separate paragraphs.

    I've also read most chapters and almost everything I see is the MC's thoughts. While the story do somehow exist for the MC, to create a story, you should create an MC that can make a story. In first person narrations, MC should unfold the story based on his written/unwritten values. You can input some of the MC's thoughts but limit it to some point or the story won't progress properly. OR the story might progress but the readers are left behind in tatters, not sure of what really happened on one scene.

    Third point, the character creation chapter was quite a pain to read. It was almost as painful, or could be more, than when I read Mushoku Tensei in the first few chapters. So I advise you to edit it later as it may discourage potential readers.

    Fourth, as a fellow MMORPG player (though not that good at it), I don't agree with the fact that the dragonborn race has the lowest population in the game. Why? It's because about 50%~70% of players in an MMORPG play to LOOK COOL. And I don't think male players wouldn't want to play as some dragon.

    Fifth, I never heard of a basic stance such as Seidan no Kamae. Could this be an original stance in this story? The most common should be Chudan no Kamae and it's variation, Seigan no Kamae.

    Sixth, I see a stat for "DODGE RATE" but I don't see anything for "HIT RATE". Kindly resolve this issue. ^_^

    Phew... The next ones will be personally my opinions and suggestions that you could choose to ignore or consider:

    -Side character shouldn't make the Main character look good. This is one of the things I don't see much on LN/WN. While it's good to make the Main Character/s look good, don't force the side characters to look stupid for this purpose.

    -Find a proofreader. While I can proofread some of your chapters, I'm also writing my own story so I may end up unavailable at bad times.

    -Resolve the spacing errors in your posts here in Wuxia World. I think clicking "Paste as Text" Toolbar resolves this issue.


    Hope It Helped... ^_^
  • dremaer3 said:

    It seems good it but where are the other 2 guys in the fight

    There is 3 guys and one girl. The first guy is that middle-age man the other 2 id the halfling and the elf. They appeared right after the MC killed the middle-aged man.


    Hello There~! I'm New To This Site But I Hope We'll Get Along.


    What Drew Me Here Is Because Of The Title. It's JAPANESE! So I Immediately Read It And Wish To Offer My Sentiments Regarding Your Esteemed Work. And Before I Begin, I Would Like To Thank You For Creating This Story And I Hope You Continue This Until The End. ^_^


    So Seikatsu Online... Looking at its title I was expecting something with the line of LMS because Seikatsu means Livelihood and in LMS, artisans can level just by doing their own job. But as soon as I started reading it, I immediately noticed that it was just the same as other VRMMORPG stories.

    The first thing I noticed in your work is that the MC's game name is totally impossible to use. "Luke" is a very common name, and taking into account that the game has been running for not more than a year, this name should have been long gone. STILL, it's already done so not gonna mention it but I do hope you'll consider this point next time.

    Second will be your first person narration. While first person narration is something you can do with the most leisure, your narration mixes the MC's thought and narration. You can input the character's thought BUT don't mix it when he's narrating the story.

    Like this line for example "Okay next is Elf. ELF!!!! WHOAAAAAAA! ELFFFF YEAHHHHH!!!" The statement shows some sort of narration but in between comes the fangirling sounds of the MC. This, IMO, is something that shouldn't be done. You can still do it but put the narration and thoughts on separate paragraphs.

    I've also read most chapters and almost everything I see is the MC's thoughts. While the story do somehow exist for the MC, to create a story, you should create an MC that can make a story. In first person narrations, MC should unfold the story based on his written/unwritten values. You can input some of the MC's thoughts but limit it to some point or the story won't progress properly. OR the story might progress but the readers are left behind in tatters, not sure of what really happened on one scene.

    Third point, the character creation chapter was quite a pain to read. It was almost as painful, or could be more, than when I read Mushoku Tensei in the first few chapters. So I advise you to edit it later as it may discourage potential readers.

    Fourth, as a fellow MMORPG player (though not that good at it), I don't agree with the fact that the dragonborn race has the lowest population in the game. Why? It's because about 50%~70% of players in an MMORPG play to LOOK COOL. And I don't think male players wouldn't want to play as some dragon.

    Fifth, I never heard of a basic stance such as Seidan no Kamae. Could this be an original stance in this story? The most common should be Chudan no Kamae and it's variation, Seigan no Kamae.

    Sixth, I see a stat for "DODGE RATE" but I don't see anything for "HIT RATE". Kindly resolve this issue. ^_^

    Phew... The next ones will be personally my opinions and suggestions that you could choose to ignore or consider:

    -Side character shouldn't make the Main character look good. This is one of the things I don't see much on LN/WN. While it's good to make the Main Character/s look good, don't force the side characters to look stupid for this purpose.

    -Find a proofreader. While I can proofread some of your chapters, I'm also writing my own story so I may end up unavailable at bad times.

    -Resolve the spacing errors in your posts here in Wuxia World. I think clicking "Paste as Text" Toolbar resolves this issue.


    Hope It Helped... ^_^
    THIS I REALLY CAN'T SAY ANYTHING. There just two words i want to say, "Thank you". I really really really want someone to review my story and critique it. And you, ahh, idk what to say man, i'm seriously thankful!

    so let me give you respond to it

    1) Yes of course i'll continue it to the end! In the end it still is a draft and there still a lot of things that need to forge and edit!

    2) I take Seikatsu because of it's meaning, "Life". I want to try to showed that S.O Is another life for a human.

    3) T-that is true. I really should think another name huh....

    4) O-of, i'll try to fix that....

    5) Ah...actually about this, i deliberately put it like that because i do want to leave the reader behind. Too make them imagine what would the other character thinking. To cover that up, i'm planning to release the so called 'Side Chapter" that will be having other character viewpoint.

    6) I'll immediately edit it!

    7) Ehehe, actually the horn and tail will not grew unless the player is already level 20 :(

    8) I write it wrong.....it is supposed to be Seigan no Kamae....sorry....

    9) I'll SOLVE IT NOW

    10) I'll try to make other character stands out! It just that for a few beginning chapter, i want to show ho dominating the MC is.

    11) I'll find it!

    12) I'm thinking i'll just post the chapter toward my site. That will much more easier for you guys right? Or should i pose it here too?

    THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR GIVING YOUR HONEST OPINION! I REALLY APRRECIATE IT!
  • edited November 2015
    Chapter 8 release!
    Link fixed!
  • edited November 2015
    alennor said:

    dremaer3 said:

    It seems good it but where are the other 2 guys in the fight

    There is 3 guys and one girl. The first guy is that middle-age man the other 2 id the halfling and the elf. They appeared right after the MC killed the middle-aged man.


    Hello There~! I'm New To This Site But I Hope We'll Get Along.


    What Drew Me Here Is Because Of The Title. It's JAPANESE! So I Immediately Read It And Wish To Offer My Sentiments Regarding Your Esteemed Work. And Before I Begin, I Would Like To Thank You For Creating This Story And I Hope You Continue This Until The End. ^_^


    So Seikatsu Online... Looking at its title I was expecting something with the line of LMS because Seikatsu means Livelihood and in LMS, artisans can level just by doing their own job. But as soon as I started reading it, I immediately noticed that it was just the same as other VRMMORPG stories.

    The first thing I noticed in your work is that the MC's game name is totally impossible to use. "Luke" is a very common name, and taking into account that the game has been running for not more than a year, this name should have been long gone. STILL, it's already done so not gonna mention it but I do hope you'll consider this point next time.

    Second will be your first person narration. While first person narration is something you can do with the most leisure, your narration mixes the MC's thought and narration. You can input the character's thought BUT don't mix it when he's narrating the story.

    Like this line for example "Okay next is Elf. ELF!!!! WHOAAAAAAA! ELFFFF YEAHHHHH!!!" The statement shows some sort of narration but in between comes the fangirling sounds of the MC. This, IMO, is something that shouldn't be done. You can still do it but put the narration and thoughts on separate paragraphs.

    I've also read most chapters and almost everything I see is the MC's thoughts. While the story do somehow exist for the MC, to create a story, you should create an MC that can make a story. In first person narrations, MC should unfold the story based on his written/unwritten values. You can input some of the MC's thoughts but limit it to some point or the story won't progress properly. OR the story might progress but the readers are left behind in tatters, not sure of what really happened on one scene.

    Third point, the character creation chapter was quite a pain to read. It was almost as painful, or could be more, than when I read Mushoku Tensei in the first few chapters. So I advise you to edit it later as it may discourage potential readers.

    Fourth, as a fellow MMORPG player (though not that good at it), I don't agree with the fact that the dragonborn race has the lowest population in the game. Why? It's because about 50%~70% of players in an MMORPG play to LOOK COOL. And I don't think male players wouldn't want to play as some dragon.

    Fifth, I never heard of a basic stance such as Seidan no Kamae. Could this be an original stance in this story? The most common should be Chudan no Kamae and it's variation, Seigan no Kamae.

    Sixth, I see a stat for "DODGE RATE" but I don't see anything for "HIT RATE". Kindly resolve this issue. ^_^

    Phew... The next ones will be personally my opinions and suggestions that you could choose to ignore or consider:

    -Side character shouldn't make the Main character look good. This is one of the things I don't see much on LN/WN. While it's good to make the Main Character/s look good, don't force the side characters to look stupid for this purpose.

    -Find a proofreader. While I can proofread some of your chapters, I'm also writing my own story so I may end up unavailable at bad times.

    -Resolve the spacing errors in your posts here in Wuxia World. I think clicking "Paste as Text" Toolbar resolves this issue.


    Hope It Helped... ^_^
    THIS I REALLY CAN'T SAY ANYTHING. There just two words i want to say, "Thank you". I really really really want someone to review my story and critique it. And you, ahh, idk what to say man, i'm seriously thankful!

    so let me give you respond to it

    1) Yes of course i'll continue it to the end! In the end it still is a draft and there still a lot of things that need to forge and edit!

    2) I take Seikatsu because of it's meaning, "Life". I want to try to showed that S.O Is another life for a human.

    3) T-that is true. I really should think another name huh....

    4) O-of, i'll try to fix that....

    5) Ah...actually about this, i deliberately put it like that because i do want to leave the reader behind. Too make them imagine what would the other character thinking. To cover that up, i'm planning to release the so called 'Side Chapter" that will be having other character viewpoint.

    6) I'll immediately edit it!

    7) Ehehe, actually the horn and tail will not grew unless the player is already level 20 :(

    8) I write it wrong.....it is supposed to be Seigan no Kamae....sorry....

    9) I'll SOLVE IT NOW

    10) I'll try to make other character stands out! It just that for a few beginning chapter, i want to show ho dominating the MC is.

    11) I'll find it!

    12) I'm thinking i'll just post the chapter toward my site. That will much more easier for you guys right? Or should i pose it here too?

    THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR GIVING YOUR HONEST OPINION! I REALLY APRRECIATE IT!
    Haha, Glad I Could Be Of Help. ^_^

    As for what you'll do next... First is regarding the MC's name huh? Though picky readers will surely point that out, I think it's relatively safe not to change it. (coz' I know the horrors when having to give some characters a name)

    For the first person narrative style you could learn it slowly. Best way is to read some Japanese web novels, coz' almost all of them uses first person narration.

    As for the 'leaving your readers behind'... that's not what I really meant. As the main story will mostly cover the MC's perspective, there will ALWAYS be many things that the MC won't be able to grasp. And that is what you want to leave for the reader's to think right? And that may be both good and bad. What I really meant with 'leaving your reader behind' is that for example a character shows up. You have to describe what he/she looks like not just say "oh my she's just my type. beautiful, ELF!"... Btw, I didn't take that up on your story so don't feel downhearted. That was just an example. So what I really want to say is when you tell a story, you should narrate it. Don't overuse the MC's thought to simplify things and progress through the story.

    Lol, level 20 for the horns and tail? I think people won't be discourage by that. Back in the AGE of Ragnarok Online, when the job "Super Novice" came out, almost half of the players tried making them all the while the requirement for the said job is a level 45 NOVICE. (Yesh, the most basic job with the only skill of being able to fake death and a very weak self-heal)

    Haha, I didn't mean you shouldn't make your MC look great. I just don't want to see you waste the potential of other characters which is prominent on most VRMMORPG WHERE MCs TEND TO GO SOLO. ^_^
    dremaer3 said:

    I can't connect to your website T.T

    Here's The Link To His/Her royalroadl.

    And Another For His/Her Website.
  • dremaer3 said:

    I can't connect to your website T.T

    Link fixed!

    alennor said:

    dremaer3 said:

    It seems good it but where are the other 2 guys in the fight

    There is 3 guys and one girl. The first guy is that middle-age man the other 2 id the halfling and the elf. They appeared right after the MC killed the middle-aged man.


    Hello There~! I'm New To This Site But I Hope We'll Get Along.


    What Drew Me Here Is Because Of The Title. It's JAPANESE! So I Immediately Read It And Wish To Offer My Sentiments Regarding Your Esteemed Work. And Before I Begin, I Would Like To Thank You For Creating This Story And I Hope You Continue This Until The End. ^_^


    So Seikatsu Online... Looking at its title I was expecting something with the line of LMS because Seikatsu means Livelihood and in LMS, artisans can level just by doing their own job. But as soon as I started reading it, I immediately noticed that it was just the same as other VRMMORPG stories.

    The first thing I noticed in your work is that the MC's game name is totally impossible to use. "Luke" is a very common name, and taking into account that the game has been running for not more than a year, this name should have been long gone. STILL, it's already done so not gonna mention it but I do hope you'll consider this point next time.

    Second will be your first person narration. While first person narration is something you can do with the most leisure, your narration mixes the MC's thought and narration. You can input the character's thought BUT don't mix it when he's narrating the story.

    Like this line for example "Okay next is Elf. ELF!!!! WHOAAAAAAA! ELFFFF YEAHHHHH!!!" The statement shows some sort of narration but in between comes the fangirling sounds of the MC. This, IMO, is something that shouldn't be done. You can still do it but put the narration and thoughts on separate paragraphs.

    I've also read most chapters and almost everything I see is the MC's thoughts. While the story do somehow exist for the MC, to create a story, you should create an MC that can make a story. In first person narrations, MC should unfold the story based on his written/unwritten values. You can input some of the MC's thoughts but limit it to some point or the story won't progress properly. OR the story might progress but the readers are left behind in tatters, not sure of what really happened on one scene.

    Third point, the character creation chapter was quite a pain to read. It was almost as painful, or could be more, than when I read Mushoku Tensei in the first few chapters. So I advise you to edit it later as it may discourage potential readers.

    Fourth, as a fellow MMORPG player (though not that good at it), I don't agree with the fact that the dragonborn race has the lowest population in the game. Why? It's because about 50%~70% of players in an MMORPG play to LOOK COOL. And I don't think male players wouldn't want to play as some dragon.

    Fifth, I never heard of a basic stance such as Seidan no Kamae. Could this be an original stance in this story? The most common should be Chudan no Kamae and it's variation, Seigan no Kamae.

    Sixth, I see a stat for "DODGE RATE" but I don't see anything for "HIT RATE". Kindly resolve this issue. ^_^

    Phew... The next ones will be personally my opinions and suggestions that you could choose to ignore or consider:

    -Side character shouldn't make the Main character look good. This is one of the things I don't see much on LN/WN. While it's good to make the Main Character/s look good, don't force the side characters to look stupid for this purpose.

    -Find a proofreader. While I can proofread some of your chapters, I'm also writing my own story so I may end up unavailable at bad times.

    -Resolve the spacing errors in your posts here in Wuxia World. I think clicking "Paste as Text" Toolbar resolves this issue.


    Hope It Helped... ^_^
    THIS I REALLY CAN'T SAY ANYTHING. There just two words i want to say, "Thank you". I really really really want someone to review my story and critique it. And you, ahh, idk what to say man, i'm seriously thankful!

    so let me give you respond to it

    1) Yes of course i'll continue it to the end! In the end it still is a draft and there still a lot of things that need to forge and edit!

    2) I take Seikatsu because of it's meaning, "Life". I want to try to showed that S.O Is another life for a human.

    3) T-that is true. I really should think another name huh....

    4) O-of, i'll try to fix that....

    5) Ah...actually about this, i deliberately put it like that because i do want to leave the reader behind. Too make them imagine what would the other character thinking. To cover that up, i'm planning to release the so called 'Side Chapter" that will be having other character viewpoint.

    6) I'll immediately edit it!

    7) Ehehe, actually the horn and tail will not grew unless the player is already level 20 :(

    8) I write it wrong.....it is supposed to be Seigan no Kamae....sorry....

    9) I'll SOLVE IT NOW

    10) I'll try to make other character stands out! It just that for a few beginning chapter, i want to show ho dominating the MC is.

    11) I'll find it!

    12) I'm thinking i'll just post the chapter toward my site. That will much more easier for you guys right? Or should i pose it here too?

    THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR GIVING YOUR HONEST OPINION! I REALLY APRRECIATE IT!
    Haha, Glad I Could Be Of Help. ^_^

    As for what you'll do next... First is regarding the MC's name huh? Though picky readers will surely point that out, I think it's relatively safe not to change it. (coz' I know the horrors when having to give some characters a name)

    For the first person narrative style you could learn it slowly. Best way is to read some Japanese web novels, coz' almost all of them uses first person narration.

    As for the 'leaving your readers behind'... that's not what I really meant. As the main story will mostly cover the MC's perspective, there will ALWAYS be many things that the MC won't be able to grasp. And that is what you want to leave for the reader's to think right? And that may be both good and bad. What I really meant with 'leaving your reader behind' is that for example a character shows up. You have to describe what he/she looks like not just say "oh my she's just my type. beautiful, ELF!"... Btw, I didn't take that up on your story so don't feel downhearted. That was just an example. So what I really want to say is when you tell a story, you should narrate it. Don't overuse the MC's thought to simplify things and progress through the story.

    Lol, level 20 for the horns and tail? I think people won't be discourage by that. Back in the AGE of Ragnarok Online, when the job "Super Novice" came out, almost half of the players tried making them all the while the requirement for the said job is a level 45 NOVICE. (Yesh, the most basic job with the only skill of being able to fake death and a very weak self-heal)

    Haha, I didn't mean you shouldn't make your MC look great. I just don't want to see you waste the potential of other characters which is prominent on most VRMMORPG WHERE MCs TEND TO GO SOLO. ^_^
    dremaer3 said:

    I can't connect to your website T.T

    Here's The Link To His/Her royalroadl.

    And Another For His/Her Website.
    YES PICKING MC NAME IS LIKE PICKING ONLY ONE BROWNIES WHILE THERE IS A LOT OTHER BROWNIES.
    Rather than downhearted, i felt more spirited! I'll try to edit that part to make it more detail.

    Don't worry, i never ever want to make a SOLO MC, for me it kinda boring. :) I'll wait more for your critique!
  • Forgot to upload it here yesterday ._."
  • edited November 2015
    dremaer3 said:


    YES PICKING MC NAME IS LIKE PICKING ONLY ONE BROWNIES WHILE THERE IS A LOT OTHER BROWNIES.
    Rather than downhearted, i felt more spirited! I'll try to edit that part to make it more detail.

    Don't worry, i never ever want to make a SOLO MC, for me it kinda boring. :) I'll wait more for your critique!
    Lol, I Can Totally See How You Like BROWNIES... ^_^

    Yep! That's great! And a little advice though... Writers SHOW, not tell. A good example will be in your current side chapter.  While Narumi did say she hates having the money come to her without even doing anything, people simply can't feel connected with her. It's because Narumi didn't reveal why she hated it. Of course with her thoughts we can tell that she wants to earn something with an appropriate work/effort but she's already a high school student. Surely she should have done something and her narration implies that all her life, she never took action for it. Something like telling her parents that she wants to work for her allowance, or store all her money in a bank, not taking it out until she deems herself worthy of the money.

    One of the advantages in first person narration is that readers can easily connect with the character because the reader will feel that he/she is the character itself. But one of the disadvantages of it is that it shows what the character is thinking. It shows what kind of character he/she is, and because of that one can easily hate the character because the readers disagrees with them.

    In your side chapter you made Narumi show she hates earning something without the appropriate effort but then she implies at next moment that she is not doing anything... Such a character is... hard to connect with... I mean lots of people will surely want to trade places with her. I don't know why you are hiding the reason for it but I hope it's a reason worth redeeming her current wishy-washy attitude.

    If you don't really have a reason for it then you have two options. First choice will be to make her show to the readers her past, about why she thinks like that. The other is don't mention it at all. Mention it when you want to tackle with it already. But of course, since we're always watching what she is thinking, you should be careful not to reveal that aspect while making it feel natural. You could show it and avoid explaining it but that's a very risky idea. If you are watching animes then a good example at how risky it is can be seen in the anime: Kuusen Madoushi Kouhosei no Kyoukan. LOOOOTSSSS of people hated it and dropped it early because of the characters they simply can't understand.

    But actually that's not the only issue about her character. She said that she feels like another person when playing Seikatsu. I believe that she doesn't even understand why but you didn't show why she feels like that. Like say, she feels she has a lot more freedom in that VR world. That she can do things that she can't do in the real world. In other words, you weren't able to show to the readers how she feels in the VR world.

    And another thing would be her dreamless life. She doesn't seem to have any aspiration. While I know LOTS of people like this, it feels like it's not coinciding with her "effort" policy. Seeing she has a VR machine means she either sneaked it in or really has a certain amount of freedom. So I'm not really seeing why she feels like "another person" when playing it.

    My suggestion would be... you should control when to skip or not to skip something. In this kind of thing, you should expand the chapter more. Showing her experience before we get to that boar scene. The reason to this is because we, the readers, know nothing of her except her unexplained hatefulness of being rich without effort. And I'm not seeing how she is different from the real world and the VR world other than she can swing a big damn axe in the VR world.

    Please note that this is just my opinion. >_< So there ought to be mistakes in what I said. But still, Side Chapter 1 doesn't give extra information that's why I'm seeing it somehow unproductive. It just shows what the girl did, not even showing why she was chased by the monster in the first place. And it never tackled about why it's so hard to kill a low level monster despite her level being 3 or so levels higher. You just stated it's hard.

    As we are two different people, I can see that you are somehow finding it hard to see a concrete image or idea of what I am saying so would you want me to "rewrite" your side chapter 1 to see my ideas? ^_^

    Of course you won't be taking it in, as you are the author of this story, but I think it should help you see how you could further develop your way of writing by seeing how others will write it. ^_^ (won't be posting it here, will PM it to you)

    And Btw, thanks for the new chapters. ^_^ Keep up the good work~! And I'm really looking forward to your art. Huhu... -_- Little me can't even draw a slime well even if I tried to.



    P.S. Sorry For Writing It Totally Long... >_<
  • edited November 2015

    dremaer3 said:


    YES PICKING MC NAME IS LIKE PICKING ONLY ONE BROWNIES WHILE THERE IS A LOT OTHER BROWNIES.
    Rather than downhearted, i felt more spirited! I'll try to edit that part to make it more detail.

    Don't worry, i never ever want to make a SOLO MC, for me it kinda boring. :) I'll wait more for your critique!
    Lol, I Can Totally See How You Like BROWNIES... ^_^

    Yep! That's great! And a little advice though... Writers SHOW, not tell. A good example will be in your current side chapter.  While Narumi did say she hates having the money come to her without even doing anything, people simply can't feel connected with her. It's because Narumi didn't reveal why she hated it. Of course with her thoughts we can tell that she wants to earn something with an appropriate work/effort but she's already a high school student. Surely she should have done something and her narration implies that all her life, she never took action for it. Something like telling her parents that she wants to work for her allowance, or store all her money in a bank, not taking it out until she deems herself worthy of the money.

    One of the advantages in first person narration is that readers can easily connect with the character because the reader will feel that he/she is the character itself. But one of the disadvantages of it is that it shows what the character is thinking. It shows what kind of character he/she is, and because of that one can easily hate the character because the readers disagrees with them.

    In your side chapter you made Narumi show she hates earning something without the appropriate effort but then she implies at next moment that she is not doing anything... Such a character is... hard to connect with... I mean lots of people will surely want to trade places with her. I don't know why you are hiding the reason for it but I hope it's a reason worth redeeming her current wishy-washy attitude.

    If you don't really have a reason for it then you have two options. First choice will be to make her show to the readers her past, about why she thinks like that. The other is don't mention it at all. Mention it when you want to tackle with it already. But of course, since we're always watching what she is thinking, you should be careful not to reveal that aspect while making it feel natural. You could show it and avoid explaining it but that's a very risky idea. If you are watching animes then a good example at how risky it is can be seen in the anime: Kuusen Madoushi Kouhosei no Kyoukan. LOOOOTSSSS of people hated it and dropped it early because of the characters they simply can't understand.

    But actually that's not the only issue about her character. She said that she feels like another person when playing Seikatsu. I believe that she doesn't even understand why but you didn't show why she feels like that. Like say, she feels she has a lot more freedom in that VR world. That she can do things that she can't do in the real world. In other words, you weren't able to show to the readers how she feels in the VR world.

    And another thing would be her dreamless life. She doesn't seem to have any aspiration. While I know LOTS of people like this, it feels like it's not coinciding with her "effort" policy. Seeing she has a VR machine means she either sneaked it in or really has a certain amount of freedom. So I'm not really seeing why she feels like "another person" when playing it.

    My suggestion would be... you should control when to skip or not to skip something. In this kind of thing, you should expand the chapter more. Showing her experience before we get to that boar scene. The reason to this is because we, the readers, know nothing of her except her unexplained hatefulness of being rich without effort. And I'm not seeing how she is different from the real world and the VR world other than she can swing a big damn axe in the VR world.

    Please note that this is just my opinion. >_< So there ought to be mistakes in what I said. But still, Side Chapter 1 doesn't give extra information that's why I'm seeing it somehow unproductive. It just shows what the girl did, not even showing why she was chased by the monster in the first place. And it never tackled about why it's so hard to kill a low level monster despite her level being 3 or so levels higher. You just stated it's hard.

    As we are two different people, I can see that you are somehow finding it hard to see a concrete image or idea of what I am saying so would you want me to "rewrite" your side chapter 1 to see my ideas? ^_^

    Of course you won't be taking it in, as you are the author of this story, but I think it should help you see how you could further develop your way of writing by seeing how others will write it. ^_^ (won't be posting it here, will PM it to you)

    And Btw, thanks for the new chapters. ^_^ Keep up the good work~! And I'm really looking forward to your art. Huhu... -_- Little me can't even draw a slime well even if I tried to.



    P.S. Sorry For Writing It Totally Long... >_<


    For now let me tell you a little bit about Narumi character, i'm designing her to be little bit confusing because she has a kind of  "past" 
    WARNING, don't open this if you don't want to be spoiled about Narumi
    We can also call Narumi, "Caged-Princess". Because everything is controlled by her parent.Why does Narumi has a personality change when she play the game is because she feel the "Freedom". She felt like she can do anything a a new world, a new life. Because at home and school she has to maintained her refined figure to not let her parents down. Why i create this kind of character? Because this kind is da best when being saved. So why does she didn't do any effort to make money? Because she is controlled by her parent. So her job is only too "study" to enter the best University.So she use her brother machine, to make some "effort" in the Virtual World.Of course it doesn't mean she can do it all the time. So that's why she can't spend a longer time to play the game. It took her a week to only reach level 8. 
    show to the readers her past, about why she thinks like that
    Yes i'll absolutely show it, but not in the beginning arc.
    I want to keep the beginning arc very simple so the reader can digest a simple information about all the character first.So when it advanced to other deeper arc, that where the reader can know a lot more deeper about other character. 
    P.S: This also applied towards the MC. 
    Please by all means rewrite it, i want to READ IT xD
    Art can be improved by time! Remember that, talent only help a little bit on this field :)
    Please write even longer review, i always luv to read reviews!
  • edited November 2015
    For now let me tell you a little bit about Narumi character, i'm designing her to be little bit confusing because she has a kind of  "past" 
    WARNING, don't open this if you don't want to be spoiled about Narumi
    We can also call Narumi, "Caged-Princess". Because everything is controlled by her parent.Why does Narumi has a personality change when she play the game is because she feel the "Freedom". She felt like she can do anything a a new world, a new life. Because at home and school she has to maintained her refined figure to not let her parents down. Why i create this kind of character? Because this kind is da best when being saved. So why does she didn't do any effort to make money? Because she is controlled by her parent. So her job is only too "study" to enter the best University.So she use her brother machine, to make some "effort" in the Virtual World.Of course it doesn't mean she can do it all the time. So that's why she can't spend a longer time to play the game. It took her a week to only reach level 8. 
    show to the readers her past, about why she thinks like that
    Yes i'll absolutely show it, but not in the beginning arc.
    I want to keep the beginning arc very simple so the reader can digest a simple information about all the character first.So when it advanced to other deeper arc, that where the reader can know a lot more deeper about other character. 
    P.S: This also applied towards the MC. 
    Please by all means rewrite it, i want to READ IT xD
    Art can be improved by time! Remember that, talent only help a little bit on this field :)
    Please write even longer review, i always luv to read reviews!
    Hmm... It's as I've thought huh?

    Then the way you portrayed it is somehow lacking. And not to mention she's totally like... Asu... *cough* ahem...

    But yeah... Even her circumstances in playing the game is almost the same... >_< While I won't stop you from having that character, I hope you find something original for her. Or else... RR readers will hit you with harsh criticism.

    And I hope you won't misunderstand but... as a parent myself, I see myself frowning when almost all shows literally slaps on the audience that they are being unreasonable and only sees their children as a tool.

    Like I said before, she narrates the side chapter. While you have your reasons not to tell the readers of this info, you should give life to her character in a way that people can connect to. If you continue to say "just wait a little longer. bear with her being annoying coz' she has a good reason" then the readers will rage quit. Well except for a certain few.

    Though I have a hint as to why you want to do the Side Chapter. Your reason of "hiding" Narumi's circumstances somehow destroys the point for doing a first person narration in the side chapter. (And it's been a while since I'm calling it side chapter but it should be more appropriate to call it side story)

    If you really wanted to hide her circumstances then do a third person narration for it. OR wait until the story progresses to the point it's safe for you to tell her circumstances.

    Alright... I'll try to send you the 'rewritten' chapter by tomorrow. (Hopefully I can satisfy myself and post my story here by that time -_-) Should I just message you here? I'm new in this forum so I'm not totally sure how I can deliver the chapter to you. >_>

    And as for art. For the entirety of my life(well okay... except when I was still a mindless mutt), I never stopped drawing art. ^^ It's just that I'm not really for that field which I have accepted a long time ago.

  • Hmm... It's as I've thought huh?

    Then the way you portrayed it is somehow lacking. And not to mention she's totally like... Asu... *cough* ahem...

    But yeah... Even her circumstances in playing the game is almost the same... >_< While I won't stop you from having that character, I hope you find something original for her. Or else... RR readers will hit you with harsh criticism.

    And I hope you won't misunderstand but... as a parent myself, I see myself frowning when almost all shows literally slaps on the audience that they are being unreasonable and only sees their children as a tool.

    Like I said before, she narrates the side chapter. While you have your reasons not to tell the readers of this info, you should give life to her character in a way that people can connect to. If you continue to say "just wait a little longer. bear with her being annoying coz' she has a good reason" then the readers will rage quit. Well except for a certain few.

    Though I have a hint as to why you want to do the Side Chapter. Your reason of "hiding" Narumi's circumstances somehow destroys the point for doing a first person narration in the side chapter. (And it's been a while since I'm calling it side chapter but it should be more appropriate to call it side story)

    If you really wanted to hide her circumstances then do a third person narration for it. OR wait until the story progresses to the point it's safe for you to tell her circumstances.

    Alright... I'll try to send you the 'rewritten' chapter by tomorrow. (Hopefully I can satisfy myself and post my story here by that time -_-) Should I just message you here? I'm new in this forum so I'm not totally sure how I can deliver the chapter to you. >_>

    And as for art. For the entirety of my life(well okay... except when I was still a mindless mutt), I never stopped drawing art. ^^ It's just that I'm not really for that field which I have accepted a long time ago.


    Yes she is kinda like Asu.....but with different hair huhu (But i'm not planning to make it like her. FYI i hate her)
    It just that, i kinda like to hide the truth from the reader ya' know, it kinda fun to see their reaction if i put a dem plot twist. Mind you, i'm not a psycho. 
    Now i'm confused should i use third person or first person narration. Though i do prefer first person, but third person does give a lot more information to the reader.

    Dun mind send it anywhere you want :) can't wait
  • edited November 2015
    Yes she is kinda like Asu.....but with different hair huhu (But i'm not planning to make it like her. FYI i hate her)
    It just that, i kinda like to hide the truth from the reader ya' know, it kinda fun to see their reaction if i put a dem plot twist. Mind you, i'm not a psycho. 
    Now i'm confused should i use third person or first person narration. Though i do prefer first person, but third person does give a lot more information to the reader.

    Dun mind send it anywhere you want :) can't wait
    Hiding from the readers is fine but you're tackling with the character's thoughts itself here. You can't really hide it from the readers that way and worse, you showed that problem from the very beginning.

    Plot twist, hmm... In my opinion, it's too weak for a plot twist. It's because it's a pretty common problem and other forms of literary works or tv shows had used that example countless of times already. The only way to redeem it is how you'll show it to the readers.

    The two narrations has its advantages. The only advice I can tell you is to ask yourself, "Why did I make this story?". You can also ask yourself, "For what purpose did I make this Side Chapter? Did I accomplish it?"

    Well anyway, good luck with your story. ^^ And alright I'll send my version of your side chapter through PM.
  • Yes she is kinda like Asu.....but with different hair huhu (But i'm not planning to make it like her. FYI i hate her)
    It just that, i kinda like to hide the truth from the reader ya' know, it kinda fun to see their reaction if i put a dem plot twist. Mind you, i'm not a psycho. 
    Now i'm confused should i use third person or first person narration. Though i do prefer first person, but third person does give a lot more information to the reader.

    Dun mind send it anywhere you want :) can't wait
    Hiding from the readers is fine but you're tackling with the character's thoughts itself here. You can't really hide it from the readers that way and worse, you showed that problem from the very beginning.

    Plot twist, hmm... In my opinion, it's too weak for a plot twist. It's because it's a pretty common problem and other forms of literary works or tv shows had used that example countless of times already. The only way to redeem it is how you'll show it to the readers.

    The two narrations has its advantages. The only advice I can tell you is to ask yourself, "Why did I make this story?". You can also ask yourself, "For what purpose did I make this Side Chapter? Did I accomplish it?"

    Well anyway, good luck with your story. ^^ And alright I'll send my version of your side chapter through PM.


    Thanks! I'll be waiting for it!
  • Haven't read Chapter 9-10 yet because... my head hurts seeing the MC's pointless mumblings... -_-

    Well I'll reach the end eventually... ^_^

    Anyway I read chapter 8 and Side Chapter 1 but I think it's pretty weird for S.O. to make the game avatar's stamina to adapt the real body's stamina. It's the most altruistic game I have ever found! It basically tells all the otakus and NEETs to go out of their house and jog to build stamina! Let's go out now and jog everyone~...

    Heck no! *flips a table* Let's see you try outrunning a dragon with the stamina of a human being. Let's see you do business in Japan without those unhealthy otakus out there. (I'm telling you lots of good anime products got destroyed by this insufficient support, technically fanservices) Let's see you manage a game with all the top players doing track n' field.

    But well yeah, it's unique... ^^ In a sense you gave an advantage to track n' field players than the martial arts player. But really, I can only imagine the scenery... yep it's definitely an entertaining thought.

    And the biggest problem to that "stamina" concept of S.O. is the people with disabilities. Heck, would you let a person who can't walk to build his/her stamina? O_O VR games gives a person something like a second life. In this life, they are given the opportunity to live a life which they might have not been able to do in the real world. This is why I got depressed when I saw leveling up by fighting monsters is "Seikatsu"...

    So yeah, that's my thought about your "stamina" system.

    Anyways, thanks for chapter 8~... Will read your latest chapters when I have the time.
  • Haven't read Chapter 9-10 yet because... my head hurts seeing the MC's pointless mumblings... -_-


    Well I'll reach the end eventually... ^_^

    Anyway I read chapter 8 and Side Chapter 1 but I think it's pretty weird for S.O. to make the game avatar's stamina to adapt the real body's stamina. It's the most altruistic game I have ever found! It basically tells all the otakus and NEETs to go out of their house and jog to build stamina! Let's go out now and jog everyone~...

    Heck no! *flips a table* Let's see you try outrunning a dragon with the stamina of a human being. Let's see you do business in Japan without those unhealthy otakus out there. (I'm telling you lots of good anime products got destroyed by this insufficient support, technically fanservices) Let's see you manage a game with all the top players doing track n' field.

    But well yeah, it's unique... ^^ In a sense you gave an advantage to track n' field players than the martial arts player. But really, I can only imagine the scenery... yep it's definitely an entertaining thought.

    And the biggest problem to that "stamina" concept of S.O. is the people with disabilities. Heck, would you let a person who can't walk to build his/her stamina? O_O VR games gives a person something like a second life. In this life, they are given the opportunity to live a life which they might have not been able to do in the real world. This is why I got depressed when I saw leveling up by fighting monsters is "Seikatsu"...

    So yeah, that's my thought about your "stamina" system.

    Anyways, thanks for chapter 8~... Will read your latest chapters when I have the time.
    No problem! I hope you'll continue to read it!
    Well about the stamina system in S.O, as you can see the title, Seikatsu = Life. So what i'm trying to do is to make the realistic enough so it can be considered a "real life". For disabilities person, the stamina system might actually help them. First, when they are in S.O, obviously they can walk, see, and listen. Of course they would not be able to do it properly at first, because they have long gone that 'feeling'. By repetitively using S.O, their condition will be much better in the real life also in S.They have the "opportunity " but they must have the effort to perfecting the "opportunity ". For me it doesn't really make sense if a disabilities person just log in into the game and suddenly be able to walk or anything else. They need theraphy and rehabilations to recover first.V.WC (Virtual World Connector) by getting the the data of our nerves in our body. It doesn't transfer soul. It is completely impossible to recover instantly just by having nerve data. The nerves data that the V.W.C get will transfer it to the Virtual World creating a new him/her as perfect as a new born. This will make the players to become comfortable and be able to feel everything, taste, smell, touch, etc...

    Thank you again for your review!
  • No problem! I hope you'll continue to read it!
    Well about the stamina system in S.O, as you can see the title, Seikatsu = Life. So what i'm trying to do is to make the realistic enough so it can be considered a "real life". For disabilities person, the stamina system might actually help them. First, when they are in S.O, obviously they can walk, see, and listen. Of course they would not be able to do it properly at first, because they have long gone that 'feeling'. By repetitively using S.O, their condition will be much better in the real life also in S.They have the "opportunity " but they must have the effort to perfecting the "opportunity ". For me it doesn't really make sense if a disabilities person just log in into the game and suddenly be able to walk or anything else. They need theraphy and rehabilations to recover first.V.WC (Virtual World Connector) by getting the the data of our nerves in our body. It doesn't transfer soul. It is completely impossible to recover instantly just by having nerve data. The nerves data that the V.W.C get will transfer it to the Virtual World creating a new him/her as perfect as a new born. This will make the players to become comfortable and be able to feel everything, taste, smell, touch, etc...

    Thank you again for your review!
    You're welcome~! ^_^ But well what should I say with your reply... While I do agree it's quite a unique concept but it's unique because they (fiction writers) never wanted to implement such elements. Well you're the author here so I don't mind if you just go with it but let me tell you again with what I thought about it.


    First, you dodged the stamina problem by talking about nerves. Stamina has nothing to do with nerves. A game where players are still restricted by their own realities is not an appealing concept. Well this does however make people a little more healthy BUT this also causes people more despair. Ah... another explosive increase in suicide rate in Japan. >_> Do take note: if you're doing a business like this, if a rival VRMMORPG appears, I tell ya, at least half of the players will transfer there.

    Second, I don't know much about nerves but *facepalm* stamina system doesn't help people with disabilities. Any VR software can help people with nerve problems and if stamina was a thing to consider using VR therapy, neurotherapist would shake their heads knowing they are dealing with patients clearly not in good health. If they want to restrict their patients by applying "stamina" in their "exercise nerve system program" then go~... giving difficulties to a patient already in difficulty is a pretty sadistic idea indeed.

    Third, I'm sure that before S.O. appeared in your story, there are already various uses for Virtual Reality. VR is not just for games, that is specifically why certain therapies can be implemented by the medical researchers themselves when VR is finally realized. If I want to rehabilitate, it will be on the hands of those experts not in S.O. And if I want to enhance my motor functions (or at least the nerves incorporating them) then I can instead play another VRMMORPG (or if there aren't then play other VR RPGs) other than Seikatsu because I, a person who just got out from rehabilitation, clearly have no stamina to run/walk long distance while swinging who knows how heavy a weapon I might be using.

    Fourth, like I said before, I don't know much about nerves but I do know people who suffer from having their neural pathways (or was that the term again?) interfered by injuries in the spine. If you say that a person who had been half-paralyzed because of spine injury for 5 years plays S.O., then gets a half-paralyzed body there because it's what the "nerve data" had given the VWC then fine, I have doubts about it but I'll still believe you. BUT if you say that he has a completely healthy body there but is still paralyzed there because that's how it is in real world then that's just wrong. The person only is paralyzed because his lower body can't send signals to the brain caused by the spine injury. If he gets a completely new body then sure he'll feel kinda strange about it coz' it's been years since he felt such feeling, but not to the point he won't be able to walk without therapy. It will just be a minute to an hour adjustment to walk and run normally again. (of course I'm talking about the VR game avatar, people with spine injury can only wait and ask fo surgeries for them to recover)

    Fifth, Seikatsu is what you say realistic, which means it adapts with what we call FULL DIVE System. Coz' the topic of "soul" is subjective to each people let's not talk about that, instead let's talk about the FULL DIVE system.

    Sixth, I have no idea what "nerve data" is. But if what I understand with your words is correct then read further.

    Seventh, the theory of a full dive system is where our sensory neurons (function that made senses possible) are completely immersed in the VR device (immersion) and lets them process the data we get there. Doing that our real body won't even react to whatever we see and feel in the VR world because there is no simulation running course through our body. This in turn makes us believe that our "consciousness/soul" is inside the VR world. The realism talked about people in VR worlds is all about how the virtual body can synchronize with the sensory neurons. If it's 100% then we can smell, taste, touch, see, and hear perfectly the same as in our real world (it might even be better as there are lots of cases where our senses are dulled in real world).

    Eighth, promoting a device where it technically reads all of our nerves movement and draw details from it is simply too dangerous. Mind you, a part of our brain has our memories, if it can be read by the device then it's pretty simple to make that kind of device into a brainwashing machine. This is what the researchers in SAO during ALO arc were in the progress of doing. They used the "consciousness" as a result when they are inducing certain signals to the brain through the nervegear, making the brainwashing machine to progress many times faster. But in SAO, they are not reading the data given by the nerves because that's TOOOOOOOO complex. If they were able to do that, then the antagonist in ALO arc would have long made a brainwashing machine and made an army of brainwashed children. And it won't be just him but the whole world would have done it already.

    Ninth, S.O. calibrates the physical body using the nerves. That's dangerous like I said but since everything that touches nerves are sensitive and dangerous, I'll drop it. BUT do take note, they are the very first VRMMORPG company. It's pretty flawed to say that they have already developed such technology to THAT (reads nerves) extent while others haven't.

    Tenth, S.O. Players gets a whole new body but then the company dropped a bomb... build your stamina in the outside world. This in my opinion is a let down. As you may able to comprehend, VRMMORPG (dunno what year it takes place in your story but) is the dream of most MMORPG players. And they are of various ages. If you tell a kid to build his stamina then he'll complain but once he knows he'll get the attention of the girl she likes then he'll nod obediently. If you tell a teenager to build his stamina then he'll do it without you telling him. If you tell a working adult to build his stamina then he'll do it with a scheduled time since he's very busy and stressed out from work. If you tell an elderly to build his stamina then he'll do light jogging but not for the sake of increasing his stamina, but to slow down the deterioration of his body functions.

    Eleventh, a "real life" where their body (game avatar) doesn't increase stamina by their achievements in that world (Seikatsu Online) is unrealistic. It's like saying "You died with poor health and got reincarnated and have a second life BUT your constitution is as weak as ever because of your previous life." It's like you are putting the concept of KARMA in modern technology.

    Twelfth, not all disability stems from nerve problems. It's just one of the many things. AND I forgot to add this last time but people with health problems will have weak stamina and they will not be able to enjoy a game with "stamina" system. While some are fine with this, some are also not. If you eliminate "stamina" system then the both of them will not have any disagreement anymore causing more profit and benefits for both sides.

    Basically what I'm telling is a VRMMORPG where a player is tied down by Reality is limiting your possible players which is totally unprofitable, and really I can't even start to imagine how MUCH money you have to invest in such a game only to make it as some unprofitable, life-saving MMORPG. And if you're doing business then you'll do it for a wider range of customers. Now if you use the "stamina" system then okay I'll nod my head and quietly read your story. But logically speaking, that game is nonprofitable. Because you've set a limit yourself. But still it's fiction~ so whatever you decide I'll just follow. And I'm sure I'm not even 80% correct so if you can give me a logical response to my questions then I'll be much more relieved.



    So those are my thoughts to your system~... ^_^
Sign In or Register to comment.