Learning to make a novel

Hello :)) this is my first time posting here.
So.. I'm trying to learn how to write a novel and i need peoples criticism. I am new to this :)) pls help

Comments

  • So here it is. It's just my own kind of thing so please bear with me.

    In the Zhou Country's Elite prestigious school known as Eternal River Academy, There sat a young man watching the sky with a dazzling eyes.

    "Hey Ji Ren! Let's go home together!"
    He turned around to see where the voice was coming from and saw a beautiful girl with a nice figure and a plump chest that will leave any man who saw it burn with passion and desire. He carefully looked at her eyes and said with a smile "Go on without me, I have to go somewhere today. i called aunty and told her that i won't be able to send you home today so i told her to send someone to pick you up. I'm really sorry Zhong'er"

    Yan Zhong'er replied "Going somewhere? Oh! right i forgot. Today was the release of the new VRMMORPG game called SPECTRUM!" "My dear RenRen, You must get me a copy too okay?" She said with a cute begging look.

    "Sure" He replied while smiling.

    "Well then, I'm going now! Ji Ren, you must be careful when you're out okay?" She said with a serious look.

    Ji Ren smiled and said "Yes, Yes i will be careful"
    "Okay then. I will remember your words." With that, she left.

    Moments later after Yan Zhong'er left, Ji Ren stood up and looked up in the sky with a profound gaze, he thought 'This moment, is finally happening. SPECTRUM! i will conquer you and be the strongest player of all. In my previous life i failed, but now that i have a second chance in this life,
    I will definitely be the one standing on top!'

     ~~
    In a certain hotel room, there's a girl who just finished taking a bath. She looked like a fairy who came from the celestial world.
    Her phone was ringing, She answered "Father?"
    "Xue'er have you arrived in the East Continent yet?"
    She replied "Yes father, I've just arrived today"
    "Good. Now here is what you're going to do. Look for a man called Ji Ren, he attends to an Academy called Eternal River Academy. As for the rest, we can't access more into his information. This person is full of mystery but nevertheless, we need him."

    "Father, why are you placing so much importance to someone like him?" She was bewildered because from her point of view her father could find a lot of people with more skills than this Ji Ren guy, given how immense their wealth is.

    "Mei Yexue! Do not let father down. Finish this mission and you will be free and i won't force you to marry him anymore"

    "Yes daddy" she said with a smile that could topple a country. 
  • I feel like you're taking ideas from the stories you've read, rearranging them, and then writing that into a story. While that's possible, it's going to be hard to "fill in the gaps", that is, getting everything that isn't a borrowed idea to work together with the parts that you did borrow.

    It's also going to be very hard to be better than whatever it is you're borrowing from. For example, the characters and described using very simple and vague expressions. Jie Ren is a young man with dazzling eyes. There's a Yan Zhong'er who is a beautiful girl with big breasts. And then there's a Mei Yexue who is beautiful. If we don't need to know anything beyond that those three people look good and no one else matters, well, that's a bit simple of a story, isn't it? You're using the translations of the Chinese expressions correctly, but the text you're writing yourself is a bit simpler, so the more flowery stuff stands out and doesn't quite fit in. For example, Yan Zhong'er first says something "with a cute begging look", and then "with a serious look". Repeating the similar wording twice in such a short piece of text is not recommended.

    There are also some mistakes in grammar and the writing. Even professional authors have editors to fix that stuff, but still, you might want to improve on that.

    Any way, these are small mistakes, and the best way to improve is to practice. The problem is in how to decide the best way to practice. You shouldn't write a novel or a book, and certainly not something with hundreds or even thousands of chapters. Since you're learning with every chapter you write, after the first 100 chapters, your ideas of how to make a good story would likely be quite different. At that point, you could either try to fix it, or to rewrite the beginning, or to give up. It's much better to write shorter stories, something that can be finished in maybe a dozen chapters, or 30 chapters, or something like that. Save your big ideas until you're better, and you can pull off a big story without the quality changing too much while you're writing it.

    There are many books about writing in English - about dialogue, about describing people, about what makes an interesting story, about what the readers needs to be told and what's irrelevant. If that seems like too much effort, you can also learn a lot by just reading stories, and reading different stories. Besides online novels, consider finding something you like with a professional author and a professional editor that's been published by an actual book publisher. Many of the translated Asian novels could use some more editing, and there are sometimes weird phrases, wrong punctuation, problems in the sentence structure, or something else like that. They don't usually make the story any harder to follow, but since you want to improve as a writer, you need to pay a bit more attention to grammar and such.

    I suggest trying to find a community that encourages amateur writers to write short stories and post them online. For example, there's a reddit group called WritingPrompts. There, various people suggest various topics for stories, and then people can post their own takes on those. The prompts aren't usually that interesting, but it's a good way to practice.
    Another thing you could do is to take a scene you read in one of the novels, and write how it looks from a side character's point of view. That way, you can practice describing the cool events, the fight scenes etc. It also lets you practice writing different characters.
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