The Sanzam Chapter 5

edited January 11 in Original Stories
Hello there, My name's sfs22,
Since I learned how to read I devoured all the books that were in a ten meter radius around me. While reading I sometimes would think "I wouldn't have write it that way" or "The character could have done something else". The more I read the more this kind of thought would pop in my mind. And the more I thought that way, the more I asked myself if I could write a story of mine. Two years ago, during a conversation with a friend a concept of story came to my mind and since then it grew until the day I decided to throw caution to the wind and give it a shot so here it is : a story about life and death, the family, the peace and a lot of magic 'cause fantasy is fun.

Synopsis: After a war so long no one can remember when it began, Numonens knows a period of peace but who knows how long it will last? Follow the Sanzam, a group fighting from the shadows in order to maintain the fragile peace, through their adventures in a land full of magic and monsters.

Comments

  • edited December 2016

    Prologue : Little Rat


    It was a radiant summer afternoon in Turum, capital of the Golden kingdom. The east district's densely packed brick houses formed a maze of small alleys and narrow streets. In one of those a teenager wearing tattered clothes and covered in filth was running, carrying a bag on his back. A man in his thirties slightly overweight and well dressed was chasing him and shouting:
    "Little Rat I swear you that this is the last time you rob me, i'm not letting you off this time even if I have to chase you to the end of the earth!"
    The young boy named Little Rat was a well known thief in the district, it was said that he used all sorts of tricks to enter and evade stores, be it night or day. Some even believed that he used some kind of magic to accomplish his actions. Whatever being the case, nobody ever succeeded to capture him even after the local merchant guild hired mercenaries to guard multiple shops. After turning at an angle, Little Rat jumped to a wall and started to climb it with the agility of a monkey and in no time reached the roof of the house before resuming his running while taunting his pursuer :
    "You're ten years too early to try to catch me gramps, see you in hell!"

    After some jumps and being sure he wasn't followed anymore he headed to a roof that seemed ordinary yet if you observed carefully you'd see a lily carved in a corner. He jumped down a floor on a balcony, entered the house that seemed abandoned yet wasn't totally in ruins and followed the stairs down to the cave.
    "This time I've hit it big. I'll earn at least ten coins of silver for all this stuff. With that I'm safe for a week."
    Little Rat's green eyes shone with the light of anticipation as he patted the bag on his back. The cave contained some stacked junk and larges carpets. Little Rat lifted one of them, revealing a trapdoor that he opened and jumped in.

    Behind this trapdoor was a tunnel of 1.2 meters of diameter supported by some wood logs and illuminated by torches. Following the tunnel for a long time and turning at multiple crossings he finally arrived in a large underground plaza paved in stone and with a wood ceiling which tremble from the activity of the streets above. The plaza was about 5 meters in height with a radius of 10 meters.  On this plaza could be seen a dozen of booths selling various objects. The people running the booths were of different ages and origins but all seemed equally poor.

    After Little Rat arrived three of them closed their booth and came to see him. Seeing what he brought and buying it if it matched their business. After the objects filling his bag disappeared to be replaced by money he made his way through another tunnel all the way to the surface.
    Little Rat started his life as a slave in the house of some wealthy family, when he was 5 he fled the house and ended as the apprentice of a robber that had a booth in the underground plaza. After a single year the other sellers of the plaza killed that robber to increase their business. At that time they offered to spare Little Rat if he became their personal peddler which he accepted. Since then he became the famous thief of the east district.

    He emerged from a trapdoor in the basement of a brothel in the end of the afternoon, it was always that way that he exited the plaza, an habit he inherited from his teacher that would always spend a great deal of what he earned on the plaza in a single stop. Little Rat himself never had the money nor felt like to spend a night in this house. Nevertheless he was as known as the bests clients here, so he was saluted by all the girls before walking out.

    He then bought some food and headed to his hideout outside the city. The city counted more than 20.000 inhabitants and had large crops around it to provide enough food, except for the east-north-east region where a forest could be found, it was also where Little Rat established himself. In the middle of the forest was a tree with a nail in its trunk. A fishing line almost invisible  was attached at this nail. Little Rat pulled this line and a ladder fell from the tree leading beyond the canopy. Once in his tree hut he ate a large share of the food he just bought and then began to sleep.

    When you live as like Little Rat does you start to sleep lightly so when some men started to close to his position he immediately woke up, cut the ladder to his hut and ran to his escape route. The men where waiting for him to move from a while ago so they reacted instantly and gave chase to him.
    Little Rat knew this part of the forest like the back of his hand so he moved quickly in the woods but his pursuers had him surrounded from the beginning making it very difficult to distance them. From the noise and the light their of torches there were at least 15 men chasing him.

    The chase lasted for a good part of the night and as he was cornered Little Rat couldn't move freely, leading him to a part of the forest he didn't know. At the moment he thought he found a way to escape he suddenly stopped in place because in front of him was a 20 meters high cliff from which he could see the sunrise.
    The men closed by slowly like wolves trapping a lamb, Little Rat could recognize them as his most preferred victims. Last evening he was too careless because of his good results from the last mission and let someone tail him all the way to his hideout, that was the only though in his head and because of this he felt infinite regret.

    Once the men finished forming a half-circular formation  with him as the center one of them approached, a sword in his hand. It was the very same merchant he robbed the previous day.
    "I promised you i wouldn't let you off Little Rat, didn't I? DIDN'T I?!" The anger deformed the face of the merchant as he shouted at Little Rat. "you've made us loose way too many gold with your tricks, prepare to face justice you filthy thief!"
    As he said that he slashed with his sword toward Little Rat. The boy tried to take a step back to avoid the blade but still got scratched, the strike went from his forehead all the way down his chin, passing by his nose, cutting his flesh and splatting blood everywhere while he fell down the cliff.

    Finally he landed on a tree, a branch piercing him in the abdomen, most of his bones broken and a great deal of his flesh being ripped. This pain drove him instantly into unconsciousness, his last though being a deep regret for being careless.
    Back at the top of the cliff the merchants where looking at the corpse of Little Rat, one by one they became convinced that he was dead for sure and left until nobody stayed behind, feeling they were freed from this thorn in their foot.

    Meanwhile, 10 kilometers away, a man around 50 years old wearing a hooded grey cloak and carrying a walking staff, was walking slowly along a road. Suddenly he turned his head to the direction of Little Rat and squinted as he saw a pillar of cyan gray-ish light.
    "10 kilometers, 5 minutes left, gotta hurry."
    With a poof the man disappeared without any sound, leaving only his staff as a proof that he was here the second before.

    When Little Rat woke up he wasn't hurt in the slightest and was standing in a large hall. There were chairs on each side of it, some pots were placed on the walls with different flowers in them. The dominant color was the green and a large cylindrical glass panel stood in place of a ceiling giving a lot of light to the room. Through it you could see a perfectly sunny sky.
    Little Rat was totally stunned by both the place he was in and the fact he wasn't supposed to be here and fine. "Am I dead? ... Is this a dream? ..." not knowing what to do he stared at the door in front of him. It was made out of gold and elegantly decorated, the most significant thing to it was a sentence carved on the top of it. Unfortunately Little Rat didn't know how to read so he couldn't know what it meant.

    While he was thinking if he should open it or not he felt a burning pain on his face and a large amount of blood sprayed on the floor. After that he felt a stab on his stomach and then fell to the ground, his bones shattered. The overflowing pain didn't made him fall into unconsciousness this time but it was all the worst as he had to endure it fully. Then the voice of an old man sounded in his ear :
    "Hold on it may sting a bit."
    The next second it was like his whole body was burned then frozen, sliced in thousand pieces, immersed in an acid pool and a lot of other type of incredible pain. It only lasted for a few seconds but was enough suffering for an entire lifetime. Once the pain was gone Little Rat started to throw up for a while. When he came to a stop he realized his bones were healed, his head wan't flowing with blood anymore and the hole in is stomach was gone. " 'It may sting a bit' It is my luck it wasn't painful..." Little Rat mumbled a single sentence before toppling over and passing out in his various fluids.
  • edited December 2016

    Chapter 1 : Silvio Sanzam


    It was a rainy day to the small village of Sephier located in the south of the golden kingdom. There were only a few houses in the village and the only street was desert. One of those houses was a two-story one made out of wood, got a flowery garden and vines growing on the walls. In a room of the second floor of this house a teenager with short black hair and clean clothes laid on a bed seemingly in pain. This young man had a scar across the face that started on his left forehead, went through his nose and finished on is right cheek.

    At his side was a man seemingly 24 or 25 years old laid his hands on the torso of the boy, his eyes closed and frowning slightly. The hands regularly glowed a golden-blue light, each time they did the expression of the boy seemed to ease a bit. 

    After a while the man lifted his hands and heaved a sight of relief, the following second a man in his fifties entered the room.

    "Are you finished James?"

    The newcomer had silvery eyes that shone with a radiant golden light, white hair and his large frame exuded a profond air of wisdom.

    "He is still unstable, waking him up would be a bad idea. You didn't came for two years and the first time you visit us you throw me a dead boy and ask for miracles."

    The man named James gave a profond look at the old man with his eyes so blue they seemed to be taken from the sky.

    "Well since we've got a lot of time why don't we discuss the good ol' times. Maybe you can even tell me what you've been doing all this time."

    James gave a large smile to the old man and they headed toward the first floor.

    When Little Rat woke up he was surprised to the upmost degree as he was in a confortable bed, with fresh new clothes and totally unharmed. After the initial shock he started to analyze his environment, his room was rather small and there was only his bed and a chair. Through the window he could only see a curtain of rain so he hadn't any idea where he was.

    Just when he was trying to get up a woman in her mid twenties came in the room. She was rather small maybe 1.65 meter but not much more, her long blond hair flowing all the way down to her waist. Her pretty face had two blue eyes filled with tenderness and a large smile.

    "Ho you're finally awake? you've been sleeping for three days, I though you might be dead."

    "So do I..." Hearing this threw Little Rat in an even more perturbed state. "Where am I? Is this even possible to heal this kind of injury, much less in only 3 days? And if so who would go through all the trouble for me, and why?"

    Thousands of questions came to him and he hadn't a single clue to any of them. He couldn't make heads and tails of the situation, thus he became extremely prudent.

    "I can see on your face you've got a LOT of questions. Follow me, they'll answer you."

    Despite all is reservations Little Rat could only comply with his mysterious host for the time being.

    "My name's Rebecca, I live here with my husband James, we got married last year. He works as an herborist and I help him with the garden." The woman led him to the living room in the first floor. There two men, one old the other young were chatting happily close to the fireplace.

    "James, Alexander, the boy woke up." As Rebecca was calling them she suddenly recalled something and turned to Little Rat with an apologetic face "Sorry i totally forgot to ask your name."

    "You can call me Little Rat."

    "Well, well, well, my little friend you may take a seat besides us we've got a lot to talk about."  Just after Little Rat answered the old man stood and pointed a chair to Little Rat

    "Let us introduce ourselves, I am Alexander and this is James" The old man started some large gestures as if he was playing an opera, the young man seemed used to this behavior. "We are members of the group called The Sanzam and you happen to meet the requirement to enter our group so I shall ask you, are you willing to join us?" Alexander finished his sentence with a theatrical voice and pointing at Little Rat.

    "Calm down Alexander, you've got to explain him first and ask then..." James sighted "Well, never mind I'll do it."

    "Until 27 years ago Numonens was in war, it ended with the foundation of the Five Kingdoms. At that time everything had to be rebuild from naught and the continent was vulnerable to any attack from the outside so the Five Kingdoms made a secret alliance and hired a mysterious group of mercenaries to prevent this. This group used strange techniques being neither magic- nor martial-based to accomplish their different missions.  After 10 years the governments, feeling they were ready to handle an aggression from the exterior, forcefully disbanded the group by hunting down its members. Alexander is the sole survivor of this first group."

    James then explained slowly the various deeds this group accomplished for a long moment while Alexander nodded vigorously.

    "... the point being, even if we now have a different name and have no fixed employer we still work for this continent to prevent war to engulf everything again. Regarding the special abilities used by the group, we know for sure you could grasp them with enough practice. So I will ask you again, are you willing to join us?"

    Little Rat seemed to ponder for a while, lost in thoughts. Then he suddenly asked

    "In which way will it benefit me?"

    James and Alexander were taken aback by this question and didn't answer instantly, instead it's Rebecca that said

    "We'll protect and train you and you may earn a shitload of gold as we sometimes work as mercenaries. Is that what you asked for?"

    "I can comply with those terms, ok I'll join you."

    Rebecca smiled to James and Alexander saying "You see it wasn't that hard to convince him! Now there is a last point to solve. You said your name is Little Rat, and judging by the state you were in when Alexander found you, you should have been a slave disposed of, am I right?"

    Not wanting to jump into complicated explanations Little Rat nodded to Rebecca.

    "So now that you are free you should have a name of yours, as if you were reborn. But first, let's feast."

    They then set the table and ate joyously, talking about their adventures.

    Later that night Little Rat was in his bed, thinking

    "Should I stay with these people? They seem sincere but they could very well sell me as a slave or even if they accept me in their group I could just become some canon fodder for them. But on the other hand why care for a simple dying slave when you can just kidnap or buy one in the city? Is this story about strange powers true? Am I their next generation?"

    "I already died and got nothing to loose, I might as well go along the flow and flee if necessary." After taking his decision he started to sleep soundly.

    While he was still dreaming he felt something tugging him and before he could even wake up was thrown in the air. When he opened his eyes he was on the ground with Rebecca standing next to him with a large smile on her face.

    "You better hurry the sun as already rose an hour ago and you've got an heavy agenda."

    In the living room, James was waiting for them eating his breakfast.

    "Good timing child, eat a bit then follow me, your special Sanzam training is starting right now."

    After that they headed to the fields around the village where farmers were already working.

    James introduced Little Rat to one of them and told him is job "Yesterday's rain damaged the crops, you'll be working with the villagers to recover them."

    The day passed by slowly and when James came back for him dusk had already fallen and Little Rat was thoroughly exhausted. As he was changing his mind about his thoughts of last night he caught sight of Rebecca waiting impatiently for them at the door of the house. When they arrived at her level she grabbed Little Rat excitedly. "Yesterday I told you to think of a name for you, but I forgot that a name is supposed to be given from the family. So i came up with a name for you, I hope you like it!"

    Little Rat was totally taken aback by this situation, to tell the truth he had completely forgot about the matter of his name.

    "I always wanted my first son to be named Silvio but James wouldn't agree." Rebecca explained while pouting at James.

    "'Cause that's an horrible name!" James interjected, leaving no objection possible.

    "That is not the point, so what was I saying? Ho yes Silvio. And since you are a part of the group, The Sanzam are like you new family so your name could be Sanzam! If you're ok with it let's call you Silvio Sanzam!!"

    This matter was only secondary and could seem insignificant but it was the very first time someone bothered to give that much attention to Little Rat, not even his master while he was a slave, not even his teacher from the underground plaza. Plus Rebecca implied two times that they were a family, a thing he could only dream about while he was in Turum.

    It is for this very reason, so insignificant it might seem, that all his doubts about The Sanzam shattered and two small rivers started to stream on his cheeks.

    On the other side Rebecca's heart melted from this sight and she gave a warm embrace to the little crying boy in front of her.

    During the dinner the newly renamed Silvio realized the absence of Alexander and asked where he was.

    "He is currently the chief of the group so he can't stay here for too long, he departed early in the morning to the east for a mission." Answered James. "We are part of the backup team and mainly provide support to the main group, that is why we stay in this village and why we live in a house way too large for only the two of us."

    "James doesn't have any fighting ability, this is why they placed him here with me to protect him, even after he begged to stay with the main team." Teased Rebecca with a smile.

    "Hoooo you're seeking death young lady." Said James with his most serious tone while standing up and walking around the table to reach Rebecca. She also stood up and they started to run in the room, playing like a couple of teenagers.

    Eventually they caught sight of Silvio and stopped as if nothing had happened although slightly embarrassed and resumed eating. To dispel the awkward situation Rebecca turned to face Silvio and started to explain "Tomorrow your training will be with me, I will teach you the basics of martial cultivation. It is essential if you want to be able to use your special ability later on." 

    After the dinner the exhaustion took the better out of Silvio and he was asleep even before touching his bed.


  • edited December 2016

    Chapter 2 : The training Begins



    For the second time in two days, Rebecca woke Silvio up in a very unique fashion. While eating breakfast he started to think about what was ahead of him. While in Turum he once heard of martial cultivation but he couldn't quite remember what it was about, so he was very curious about the matter.

    After eating they left the house and Rebecca lead him out of the village, heading to a nearby plain. There was only grass in every direction and a small river flowing slowly in the distance. During the whole travel Rebecca didn't utter a word, and when Silvio asked her what was going on she would only give him an enigmatic smile.

    Once they arrived on the plain she turned to him with her hands on her hip and explained what the training was about

    "Martial cultivation is about honing one's spirit and tempering one's body to transcend the human state. Or at least it was how it began but rapidly people noticed that the process of honing one's mind is done through the utilization of Qi, a type of natural energy similar to Mana. These two types of energy exist mainly in nature, although everybody has a sliver of them in their body. Mages can use the Mana surrounding them via incantation, using formulas and gestures while martial cultivators collect and create Qi during meditation."

    "To perceive Mana and Qi you need to awaken your sixth sense and for that there is two methods. The first is to enter contemplative state in meditation and try to sense the sliver of Qi that exist inside of you. This process usually takes months at least, years at worse. But since this is a training to make you enter the main squad of The Sanzam this is not the method we are going to use. The second method is to bath you in Qi while in meditative state until you can perceive and control it."

    "I took you to this plain for a simple reason : it is filled with a tremendous amount of Qi and Mana so that it will help you. Now I shall teach you how to enter meditative state. The trick is to turn down all your senses and then focus and the only sensation that remains, this sensation is your sixth sense. Since you already had a near death experience you should already know what I mean by 'turning down your senses'. Now sit down and try it."

    Silvio sat on the ground with with crossed legs and closed eyes trying to 'turn down his senses' while Rebecca sat in front of him, moving her hands in strange incantations. Suddenly winds came to life and a little tornado started to surround Silvio, actually it was a tornado created from the convergence of all the Qi and Mana of the plain to him.

    Once seated Silvio started to think about how he felt in the strange room, then remembered it was as Rebecca said : until his wounds opened he didn't feel, hear or smell a thing, his only sense that was left at that time was sight. So, with his eyes closed, if he could enter the same state it would be as Rebecca said. The problem was that although he understood the theory, there was no switch on the senses for you to use so how could he ever do that?!

    For four full hours Silvio stayed in a state of profound concentration but far from the meditative state Rebecca told him of, nearing noon he started to feel mentally exhausted and hungry. When Rebecca told him to stop to eat something he was almost dazed out and as he was on the brink of giving up, but then an idea crossed his mind. He seemed to gain enlightenment and told Rebecca that he wished to continue the training.

    She first tried to stop him from continuing, fearing he might hurt himself from trying too hard but saw on his face that he was on the brink of getting the trick and decided to follow his judgement.

    "If the senses turn off when you approach death I might as well push my body a bit and see if it works." That was the idea he came up with, an idea that seemed stupid at first but after two more hours under the scorching sun without eating nor resting he started to feel his idea was working out. His entire body was numb and staying totally awake was a real challenge.

    It was in this state that he started to feel two streams pouring down on him. At first the sensation was faint but as time passed it grew stronger and stronger. One was warm and seemed to contain brute strength while the other was cold and contained a gentler power. He then thought about what Rebecca told him and wondered if he could control these flows of energy.

    So he visualized the two energies as water flows surrounding him, then he imagined a dam to block them and redirect their flows. Unfortunately to him when the flows entered in contact with his dam they instantly shattered it. Upon the destruction of the dam he felt a great pain in his head that woke him instantly from his meditative state and left him lying on the back panting heavily with a confused expression on his face.

    "So it only took you a few hours to awaken your sixth sense? It is clearly short even with the method we're using but the more amazing fact is that you already have intuited the control over the natural energies." Rebecca was clearly impressed by the results provided by Silvio and didn't spare him any praise. "Now you should rest and eat before you collapse."

    They concluded the training session there and after Silvio recovered they returned home and Rebecca taught Silvio how to cook while preparing the dinner. James came back from his work just when they were about to finish. "James what is your job? Rebecca told me you where herbalist but you don't have a shop. May it be that it has another signification that what I think it is?"

    "My job is the same of any herbalist : I sell medicinal herbs and sometimes act as a doctor. The difference between me and an herbalist of the capital is that the density of population here is too low, so instead of waiting for the clients to come at me, I go to encounter them in the nearby villages. Tomorrow is my day off so I may as well teach you a thing or two."

    After the dinner Silvio didn't stay with the couple and once in his room tried again to enter meditative state. Even if he didn't know much about martial cultivation before, he sometimes heard of mages back in Turum and knew they were respected and powerful beings. So when Rebecca told him this training could help him sense the Mana mages use, his interest in this training rocked up.

    After an hour he succeeded to enter meditative state but this time he didn't felt the two streams. It was like he was in a see of emptiness, without any sensation. He was troubled by this so he tried to focus his mind to find the natural energies he felt earlier in the day. It took him more than half an hour to finally sense a seemingly insignificant stream of natural energy in his own body. It was so faint he couldn't even tell which energy it was between Mana and Qi or even if it was something else.

    He tried the same way as before to stop the flow but this time succeeded, forming a small ball of energy close to his heart. He then tried some experiments, cutting the ball in smaller parts, compressing it and moving it around. After playing around a bit with his inner energy he felt exhausted so he decided to put a stop to today's experiment and fell into slumber.

    The next day he woke up with the sun before Rebecca entered his room. The day was a calm one, James acted as a teacher and taught him how to read and write. It took the whole day but Silvio was now able to read if he focused a bit, but his handwriting was horrible.

    The evening he resumed his training of his sixth sense. Slowly his control over his internal energy augmented and he could now shape it the way he wanted, his imagination being the only limit. Pleased with his progress he smiled and jumped in the bed and slept soundly... Until Rebecca's special wake up.

    "From today onward you'll work one day in the village, one day on the plain and one day with either James or me."

    Under the interrogating face Silvio gave her she explained further.

    "I said you that the martial cultivation is about training one's mind AND body, thus working with the villagers as it will also help you develop in the human perspective. Your work with James and me is to impart you some good academical bases that you'll need in your incoming job. Today is your body's training, I'll bring you to you work place."

    This time Rebecca lead Silvio to a mine roughly one hour of walking away from the village were a man black from the coal on his skin asked him to descend to the depths of the mine and carry back the carts full of minerals that awaited for him.

    With his feeble physic, Silvio couldn't even bring one cart up to the surface so he had to ask help from nearby diggers each and every time. By the end of the day he was so exhausted he couldn't even stand so Rebecca had to carry him back to the house. Before sleeping however he found the mental strength to try to meditate.

    He almost immediately entered meditative state because he was using the same method that the one for his sixth's sense awakening. Because of that and the fact that he was starting to get used to it, his meditative state was way more profound. Thus his sixth sense was all the more at work and he managed to sense the Mana and Qi that floated in the room.

    "So this is the density level of natural Mana and Qi in common places? No wonder we had to go to the plain for me to sense them. Otherwise I'm not confident I'd ever awaken my sixth sense, even after a whole life of meditation."

    Now that he could perceive all the surrounding Mana and Qi he would for sure try to use it to train his control over natural energies. The surrounding Mana and Qi being static, he had to figure out how to move it before trying to control it. After trying a few methods he realized that moving his internal energy in a spiraling pattern acted as a drain for the surrounding energies.

    Using this technique he sucked all the energy in the room and started to assemble it in his body, making no distinction between Mana and Qi. He found that when melting them together in different proportions the effects differed. Sometimes the result would be an inert sludge that started to poor out of his pores the instant he brewed it, sometimes creating a melange containing even more explosive power than raw Qi or sometimes creating an energy soothing his mind while moving it through is inner world.

  • edited January 8

    Chapter 3 : Acquiring Knowledge


    When Rebecca opened the door of Silvio's room what she saw was a youth siting cross legged covered by a strange green sludge.

    "Silvio what happened to you?" She was clearly worried about his state but also surprised about where he get that strange liquid he was covered of and what it was.

    He opened his eyes and discovered by his own senses his condition. He didn't seem bothered by the sludge, only slightly disappointed.

    "In the end I only absorbed 30%, the rest has been wasted, what a shame."

    Having being ignored and not sure about the meaning behind Silvio's sentence she grabbed and dragged him to the river in order to wash him. After the forced bath she asked once again Silvio what was this green substance and how he got covered by it.

    "You told me that I had to train my sixth sense and my control over the natural energies so every evening, before sleeping I meditated a bit. The first times I had a hard time just to perceive my inner energy but last night I succeeded to expend my sixth sense outside my own body and even sense the tenuous energies in my room. I thought it would be a good training to try to control all this energy at once, plus I remember you said martial cultivators absorb the Qi around them while meditating so I thought I could do the same, adding Mana as a bonus."

    "You could imagine my disappointment when, after gathering with great effort the surrounding energies in my body they didn't fuse with my own inner energy but instead formed two other streams in my inner world. The idea I got at that time was that my inner energy was neither Mana nor Qi but it may be a mix of them so if I found the good recipe I might be able to make them my own energy. With that in mind I started my little alchemy and found three good mixes: one was the same as my inner energy, the second was some kind of medicine capable of clearing away tiredness and the last one was a powerful energy, I don't know its uses but I'm sure I can make something out of it."

    "All the other combinations ended with this strange sludge that oozed out of my body once created. In the end I only absorbed roughly 30% of the energy I found in the room."

    When Silvio finished explaining he saw an astonished Rebecca that looked exactly as if she saw a demon. This vision only lasted an instant and the following second she had regained her composure although still shocked.

    "Well, I planned to bring you to the plain anyway. Follow me we'll talk about it on the way."

    After a light breakfast they departed to the plain. Rebecca then explained their program.

    "Since you just awakened your sixth sense I planned to bring you back there to perfect it and eventually train your control over the natural energies but I never thought you would be able to absorb them on your own since the usual method is far from intuitive and yours is unheard of."

    "Usually  when your tread the path of martial or magic cultivation, to absorb the energy you're focused on , respectively Qi or  Mana, you have to attract all the energy surrounding you in your body. At that time, as you saw, the energy would flow alongside your own inner energy but not fuse with it. If you left it be that way, once you awaken from meditation it would slowly disperse in your surroundings, leaving you with nothing. The usual method to fuse this external energy with your inner one is to slowly melt the outer in the inner. The beginning is so slow that it can take a whole month just to absorb one tenth of what you absorbed last night. If you successfully adsorb even a sliver of the energy that interests you via this way your inner energy will change in nature to become the same - for example a mage's inner energy is made out of pure Mana - and the speed of absorption will greatly increase. However, this process is irreversible and once you've made your choice the other type of energy won't be affected by your control, as strong as it can be."

    "Since a single mistake could render you unable to cultivate what you wanted in the first place people don't make experiments like the one you just did, so fusing Mana and Qi to produce a new energy is totally unheard of, even more producing three new energies."

    "Talking about it, what happened the two new energies you created? Knowing your method you shouldn't have changed your inner energy to absorb them so they should have vanished by now."

    By this point and following her knowledge Rebecca made an assumption but after what Silvio did she wasn't sure anymore. Silvio on his side stopped his steps and closed his eyes, focusing in his inner world. 

    "About them, the one relieving the mind exhaustion was consumed in the process so I'm not sure if I can store it but the powerful one diffused in my body when I produced it. Right now I checked and it is infused in my muscles and bones, so I don't think it will disperse."

    While Rebecca was checking some details about Silvio's cultivation method they arrived at the plain and she heaved a long sight.

    "I thought today would only be about expending your sixth sense and increase your control over Mana and Qi but it seems we will have to jump to the next step : the development of your Sanzam."

    Seeing Silvio's interrogative face Rebecca explained further.

    "The very first chief of our group called his special power a Sanzam, it is only with the passage of time and the fact that most members of the group posses a Sanzam we came to be called the Sanzam."

    "I'll explain you later in more specific details but the Sanzam comes from the very soul, so to use your Sanzam you will need to control your own soul and to do so you will need a greater inner energy, so our program for the next months is to make you absorb as much as you can of this plain's energy to reinforce your inner energy and work in the village to strengthen your body."

    "The only issue is that none of our standards apply to you since you cultivate in a different way of what is usually done. So all the things I'll say to you from now on will only be hints deduced from how it usually works but not absolute science."

    After that she gave him some tricks to increase his absorption efficiency as well as some techniques to be aware of his surroundings while in meditative state using the sixth sense.

    After a whole day of absorption in the plain, Silvio felt overloaded with energy his inner energy creating an intense pressure in his body, making it harder to move around so he asked Rebecca if it was normal.

    "Normal humans can only store a limited amount of energy in their body, trying to force more than possible will only harm you and can even in extreme situations make your body explode. To increase your storing capability you have to absorb a little more than what you're capable of and then let your body adapt to the pressure. Once it's done you just do it again and slowly but surely you'll grow. It is the reason we scheduled only one day out to three for cultivation, so that your body can adapt while you focus on something else."

    "Depending on how much you've developed your inner energy, multiple realms are defined. The first is the Empty Mind realm, as its names implies it is when you don't have inner energy, or so sparse it can be considered nothing. Then there is the Open the Spirit realm, one can be considered in this realm from the moment they've chosen their inner energy, so you kind of are in it but in a different way. After that there is the Shedding realm, the Condensation realm and at last the Boundless realm. But I'll explain you about them later since you're far from reaching them."

    The training went on, day after day Silvio increased his control over the natural energies, his sixth sense and built up his inner energy. He came to call his own inner energy the Mixed Energy. The energy that fused in his body when he produced it seemed to heal back small injuries and increased his physical power so he called it Body's Energy. Finally the one that could calm his mind and relieve mental exhaustion so he named it Mind's Energy. On his day in the village he worked at multiple locations be it the fields, the mines, with a blacksmith or even learning to swim in the river. Because of that he started to be muscular although still thin. Finally on his "school days" he learned about history, mathematics, philosophy, herbology and medicine, through all this learning he understood that Rebecca and James possessed an extremely vast knowledge, almost unfathomable.

    He also learned about the five kingdoms and Numonens, the continent he lived on, the kingdoms have existed for only 27 years, to be precise they were founded from the remnants of the great war that wagged until that time. During the war there was no great country, only small duchies that fought each other in order to increase their territory. The golden kingdom was the largest of the newly born kingdoms, covering almost a third of Numonens and controlling all the west coast. Its name came from the numerous gold mines you could find within its boundaries. The external menace the Sanzam were hired to fight against was Dissiarela, an archipelago that was pretty much unified under a single banner but was facing an increase in its population and thus needed a larger place to live in.

    He also learned the Sanzam of James : Doctor's Care. As long as the target was still alive he could heal them back to their optimal state, the only problem was that the greater the injury, the longer he had to cast the spell and it could only be done in one go. For example he spent more than 30 hours in a row to save Silvio. The good point was that he could seal up to five hours of his Sanzam in a magic scroll. The effect would be an incredible healing power released in a few seconds, the only drawback being an intense pain. It was with the assistance of one of those scrolls that Alexander stabilized Silvio for enough time to bring him to James. It was also by that time that he learned why Alexander saved him ...

  • Chapter 4 : Martial cultivation

    Alexander's Sanzam was the True Sight : with it he could see things from very far away, it increased his peripheral vision, made him capable to see through solid objects and magical illusions and he was even capable of seeing the souls. It was with his help that the first Sanzam group had been formed and it was also thanks to him that they understood how their power worked. After being asked by Silvio, James started to explain him about that. 

    "Usually one's soul is locked in their body, totally sealed from the exterior, but when a grievous injury is inflicted on someone their soul will start to flow out of their body. When the injury is healed the soul flow stops but does not reverse -except if the healing is magic basedresulting in a loss in vitalitySomehow the more someone is reluctant to die and the more they feel regretful, the slower the soul will flow out of their body. When out of the body the soul flies to the skydepending on the person it does different things, but you'll learn about it better if you ask the other SanzamAnyway, if the soul flow of a dying person flows slowly enough to have a part in the heavens and a part in the body and if the said body isn't dead yet then this person's soul will gain a bit of freedom which is the first requirement to begin to develop a Sanzam." 

    Since Silvio's case was rather common in the current world he though there might be a lot of Sanzam but when he asked, James told him they were only 16 members of the group possessing a Sanzamit was what they called the inner group, while the others were called outer group membersSeeing his interrogating face James explained further : 

    "You might think that there might be some people that can join us but among all the person able to develop a Sanzam there is the ones whose soul would produce a dangerous Sanzameither for them or the others, the ones who are too old to start practicing a Sanzam or even people that don't deserve to be saved. If you add the fact that we can't be aware of all the persons corresponding to our requirementsthere is not that much new members. To be precise you're the first in five years." 

    "Wait! You can know in advance what a person's Sanzam will beThen what about mine?" 

    As Silvio was thinking about what James told him then realized that point. 

    "Only Alexander can get some hints about the Sanzam but even he can't know for sure what it will be, plus he always refuses to tell what will be the apprenticesSanzam so we can't know what it will be. The only thing I succeeded to extract from him was that your Sanzam's uses are plentiful and will depend on your imagination." 

    After three months Silvio was pretty much used to the training and Rebecca hadn't that much occasions to wake Silvio in her fashionShe started to change the day of work in the village to a combat training, she taught him how to use a large variety of weapons as well as bare handed fightShe was a very demanding trainer as well as a strong fighter and he would often end up crawling on the ground after their sparingThankfully with is Body's Energy and James' care he would not suffer too much from this training, he even grew stronger at an astonishing pace. 

    His cultivation also grew a lot during this period and he was advancing in the Open the Spirit realm so Rebecca decided to try to teach him a bit about martial cultivation even if she wasn't sure if he could use it. 

    "Martial techniques are split in two branches, the physical techniques and the ethereal ones. Physical techniques are based on boosting your body with the Qi you've accumulated in your body in cultivation while the ethereal focus in projecting your Qi out of your body to influence your surroundings. The former are usually easier to learn but the latter have a greater effect, one the same level that is." 

    As a test she first taught him a basic physical technique named Copper skin, used to harden the skin. At the beginning Silvio tried to use his Mixed Energy as a martial cultivator would use his Qi without much success but then he though of his other energies and specially his Body's Energy that had the same feeling as Qi while being something different. 

    When he started to gather the energy diffused in his body and manipulate it the way Rebecca told himhe was a bit clumsy and failed a couple times to use the skill but felt it was on the right wayThen after more than an hour of failurehe felt a comfortable warmth flowing in his veinsSoon enough his already slightly tanned skin gained a luster close to copperFrom the excitement Rebecca punched him to test the strength he was able to muster from the technique. 

    "You sure are full of surprises, the might of martial techniques is divided in nine realms, and each one of these is divided in nine levelsWhat I taught you is a technique of the third level of the Casual realm -the first one- but when you use itit is close to a fifth level Casual realm technique, and it is only a few hours after the beginning of the training." 

    Howeverbefore Silvio could get up and even less rejoice from this Rebecca added : 

    "But don't take it as if you are some sort of geniusanyone who isn't completely worthless can strengthen a martial technique beyond its original levelalso I think that this feat is mainly due to your strange energy." 

    This last sentence was added only to insure that Silvio's ego didn't inflate from this success. But to tell the truth, people usually had to train for weeks at least even for the weakest techniques just to gain a bit of improvement. This told how powerful Silvio's Energy was and how deeply impressed Rebecca wasalthough she didn't show it. 

    After that she gave him the method to train in some high level Casual realm physical martial techniques. Having found the way to use his Body's Energy to use physical martial techniques and adding the fact that Casual realm techniques weren't hard to train to begin with, Silvio more or less mastered these techniques by the end of the day. 

    After the training, while they were on their way to the house, Rebecca told him more about martial techniques : 

    "Although there are different realms for the inner energy qualitythey only tell about how much you've cultivated but it doesn't give any information about your strength. For example a Shedding inner energy realm cultivator that never learned any martial technique could be weaker than an Open the Spirit realm fighter. This is why a martial cultivator's strength is usually measured from the strongest technique they master. As I told you earlierthere is nine realms in martial strength : Casual, Basic, Raising, Unique SkillTrue Power, Grand Talent, ElevationEnlightenment and Divine." 

    "The stronger the technique, the harder it is to master and the higher its energy consumption is. In your current state I think the second level Basic realm should be your limit." 

    Silvio's training continued peacefully for another three monthshis studies with James and Rebecca were advancing rapidly and he now knew a bit about herbology and could now help James in his concocting of medicines. In the fighting fieldalthough he could be considered an average fighter in most of the weapons he was pretty talented in bojutsu, the art of wielding a staff, so much that Rebecca decided to focus his training in this direction. 

    In terms of martial cultivation he completely grasped all the techniques of the ninth level of the Casual realm that Rebecca could teach himbe it physical techniques or ethereal ones and when he used themtheir might was infinitely close to first level Basic realm techniques. 

    It was in this period that an unexpected event took place. 

    morningwhile James, Rebecca and Silvio were eating calmly a villager abruptly entered their house in a panicked state. 

    " Ma'am Ival, Doc', this is terrible, a group of mercenaries is plundering the neighboring village, my brother lives there and he is the only one that managed to escape when they attacked last night. His family is still there. If it is not too late could you please go help them?" 

    When they heard this, the couple instantly got on their feet. 

    "Where is it? Do you know how much mercenaries there are? How is your brother's state?" James was the first to speak to the man. 

    "The village is ten kilometers to the eastmy brother saw a group of ten men, when they attacked the village he hid his family and ran to get some help so he's alright." 

    "Ok, let's go clear it right nowBecky you take care of the bandits, I'll handle the villagers." 

    "Got it, Silvio you stay here, if anything happens don't get yourself in trouble, wait calmly for us. And youyou should go back to your house and stay with your brother." Rebecca gave these simple instructions then started to run with James in the direction of the east. The villager nodded and turned back to his house, his expression seemed to ease a bit. 

    Silvio didn't have the time to react to any of this and was left totally stunned on his chair when everybody was already gone. When he realized what happened it was already too late to do anythinghe could only wait anxiously in the house for the couple's return. 

    But half an hour after the couple lefthe heard screams coming from the nearby housesWhen he looked at the windowhe saw a group of men wearing leather armors and wielding swords walking through the village. When they encountered a house one or two of them would enter it and screams would follow. 

    Further away a house could be seen burninganother house's door opened and a man ran out of it only to be caught by the men and get his throat cut. The situation was very simple and Silvio understood it perfectly : his village was under a bandit attack! 

  • Chapter 5 : Attack and Retaliation 

     


    The bandits walked slowly and inspected each house, making sure that no one escaped them. The ones that inspected the houses would always exit them with bloodied clothes. 

    The villagers were screaming everywhere and, one after anotherwere falling under the sword of the bandits. 

    Silvio was terrified as this scene unfolded under his gaze but he was also very unwilling to die here and nowAfter thirteen years of suffering he finally found a place he could call home, people he could call his family.

    Howeverafter the initial shock he cleared his mind and started to think his situation as calmly as possible. Although the bandits seemed to easily rampage the village, most of the villagers didn't know how to defend themselves or just didn't have the mental strength to put up a fight against such a large group. 

    So the bandits' fighting ability was still to be assessed, if you added the fact that they only entered the houses by groups of twoknowing that Silvio had followed a very demanding training for the last six monthsit was not impossible for him to save his life. 

    He first took a dagger from Rebecca's armory then he hid himself behind the door of a room of the second floor and waited for the bandits to come. After a couple of minutes he heard the front door being pushedfollowed the sound of the bandits rummaging the first floor. He readied his weapon as well as his mind to his next action : today he would kill to survive. 

    After what seemed an eternity to Silvio the two bandits climbed to his floor and started to empty it from all its goodsWhen the door opened, Silvio saw a not very tall man with blond hair cross the doorhe had a leather armor, a sword at his waist and was carrying on his shoulder a great bag, probably filled with the house's items of value. 

    He hesitated only half a second before jumping on the man's back, piercing trice his throat with the dagger. 

    Blood flowed out of the woundsdyeing the room in red and covering Silvio. The man clearly wasn't expecting this outcome since the expression frozen on his dead face was one of astonishment. 

    The hot and sticky fluid on him and the man laying dead in front of Silvio were the living proof the he killed a human with his own hands. 

    He knewsince a long time agothat one day or another he would be pushed in a situation were it would be kill or be killed. But no matter how much he was prepared for thiseven knowing the person he killed was evil and would only have done more harm to others if he livedhaving killed someone else still   shook his soul to the greatest degree. 

    However, no matter how much shaken he were, the situation he was in was still perilous : the other bandit was still around and he couldn't not have heard the ruckus Silvio made while killing his partner. 

    Sure enough in the following second he was entering the room, only to see a youth covered in blood holding a knife standing before the corpse of the man he came with in this house. 

    "You killed Jeremy! You bastardI'll have you suffer a hundred deaths worth of pain!" The bandit was enraged from the death of Silvio's victim and brandished his sword above his head to slash the young murderer. 

    This shout woke Silvio from his dazehe rapidly turned to see a blade descending toward himreminiscing him of what happened half a year ago at the top of a cliff. At this moment however he reacted in a different way that he did that dayHis body, after having suffered so much from Rebecca's training, could react alone in this type of situation. It dodged to the side and counter attacked in an instant. 

    Before he even realized it, Silvio had pierced the man's chest with his dagger. The wound might have taken his life but it still instantly stopped the bandit in his action, both surprised from the result of his attack and terrorized from the decisiveness of this young boy in front of him, a teenager capable of killing two persons in a row. 

    The bandit fell on the groundeither unconscious or dead. Silvio wasn't sure so he just cut the man's neck, sending more blood everywhere. After that he sat in a corner of the room, hoping that the bandits in the street wouldn't notice that the two men didn't came back from the house. That was his only plan, his only door of exit. 

    He stayed in this position for a full day, or was it only a few minutes? He couldn't say for sure. However, after that much time he felt a hand on his shoulder so he lifted his head, but his vision was hazy so he could only distinguish the outline of the person in front of him. It seemed like this person tried to tell him something but the only thing that reached his ears was a buzzing sound. 

    The last thing he remembered was the person trying to prop him up and then he fell unconscious. 

    ... 

    After Rebecca and James left the house, they rushed to the other village. Although James hadn't any fighting ability, nor did he want any, he still practiced cultivation to develop his Sanzam. He was a Shedding realm Qi cultivator but the only martial techniques he knew were designed to increase one's defense and mobility. It was one of those that he and his wife were using to move as fast as horses to their destination. 

    In less than half an hour later they were at their destination. What they found was a small village which houses were almost all sacked and most of the inhabitant s were dead. Sure enough the bandits had left this place a while ago. James found some survivors that could be saved, he gave them first aid and started to ask them what happened. Although his Sanzam was very effective to bring back someone at death's door, it was clearly too slow and the scrolls were too precious to use on someone he could save by the usual way. 

    What the survivors said only confirmed what the villager that alerted them said. The way they described the attack, it seemed that the bandits were rather experienced in their profession. 

    James and Rebecca were uneasy knowing that this group was still running in the wild and decided that once they'd ascertained that there was no bandits left and every survivor was safe they would rush back to their village at full speed. 

    When they returned, the bandits had almost finished their work but were not gone yet. Seeing the current state of the village and the dead bodies of some villagers in the streets, Rebecca fell in a rage that even the blood of the bandits could not satiate. She unsheathed her sword and started a rampage among the bandits. 

    If any of them crossed her path he would die before he could even notice anything. Unleashing all the power she had, Rebecca cleaned the village of all the bandits in less than five minutes. After her streak there was only one of them barely alive that she kept to interrogate. 

    While his wife was cleaning the village, James ran to his house, praying to not find a dead body in there. 

    When he entered the house he smelled a strong scent of blood, alarming him even more. He climbed upstairs, although it would be more accurate to say he jumped since he arrived on the second floor in three steps, only to find a sea of blood slowly flowing out of a door. When he crossed it he found two dead men on the floor. Turning his head he saw a boy covered in blood that was clearly in state of shock. Obviously the boy was Silvio and all the blood on him was the dead men's. James tried to ask him if he was wounded but the boy only stared blankly at him so he tried to lift him up only to finish with an unconscious teenager in his arms. 

    When she saw Silvio's state Rebecca instantly panicked, only calming down after James explained her the situation. From the condition he found him in, James could easily understand what happened to Silvio. He was both relieved that the boy was still alive and startled about his mental state. 

    The couple borrowed one of the undamaged house to shelter Silvio and started to interrogate the bandit Rebecca captured. The bandit, after having witnessed what Rebecca was capable of didn't retain any information from her. 

    The group that attacked the villages used to be a group of mercenaries that loaned their services as bodyguards. But one day a client refused to pay them, so they killed him and took all of his belongings. They found that stealing was easier and payed more than their former work so they started to raid isolated villages. 

    What attacked the other village the day before was one of the multiple squads the group counted. During the attack, some villagers would threaten them with Rebecca, telling them how she once killed a whole group of corrupted soldiers that tried extort "taxes" from her. This feat was well known in the neighborhood since this group of soldiers was rather infamous and Rebecca did it the day she settled in the village with James. 

    At first the bandits took it as an empty threat but since most of the villagers said the same story they started to think it might be a true story. With that in mind, they intentionally let a villager flee and rapidly finished before retreating from the village. They then returned to the main camp to tell another group to raid her village while she was away. The plan was to get the most from this region before moving to the next safely. 

    The only thing they did not take into account was that Rebecca was able to got to the other village, settle the matter there and come back before they could finish here. 

    After saying that he told them the main camp's position. 

    "I-I told you everything I know, now you're going to let me go, right?" The bandit asked weakly after he finished his explanation. 

    "You really think I'll let you off after what you have done? You're too naïve."  Rebecca mocked the bandit foolishness with a smile, only to break his neck the next moment. 

    "Alright James, time to call the cavalry!"

  • edited January 15
    Okay now for my review of your novel, thisll be the last i do in a while because i need to do other stuff. I picked yours because of the low number of chapters and im glad i read this before you carried on writing, ill explain below as to why:

    NOTE: please forgive any typos across my review, i dont have the energy to fix em up. But if anything i said doesnt make sense, just ask, ill respond.

    I didnt want to start with this but there are way tooo many info dumps... By the end of reading all this i ended up with was a headache because you overwhelmed me with way too much information being presented through dialogue.

    Now to the dialogue. Well you have over done it, the things the characters say makes them lose any flavour to them as people, they just seem like bland npc there to tell the mc about all the information and thats it. The things they say if you consider it is just not that normal, i guess they would say some info from time to time not to the scale they constantly keep doing.

    I feel like the current characters have some potential to them, try to make your characters deeper because currently they seem shallow and not really fleshed out. When doing dialogue try to think of sub text. Thats the key to creating good characters, or if you want to show something about them. They can still say info but in a unique way that could tell the reader something about them. Research around for the meaning of subtext and try to understand what im trying to say.

    Now to begin with the story itself. Its a decent concept that still needs a lot of working on, thats my opinion and im no professional, as im just listing things as i see them, i understand that you might have different thoughts about that.

    You kinda ruined the the first chapter with its ending. It was waaay too bland that it ended just like that. No excitement through the battle, no building up to thd climax and even if you didnt do that you couldve recovered yourself with making his fall more detailed and exaggerated that makes the reader have worry for the mc. But you just told and you didnt show. You basically said his bones shattered and the rule of writing is to show not tell. You could have explained in more detail how his vision of the world twisted as he fell because he was rolling down and how each time the rocky face of the cliff, it scarred his skin leaving a burning sensation and how the speed caused him to shatter his bones and how crunching noises could be heard and that bone splinters covered his lungs as 3 of his ribs broke and that even his arm was twisted in his weird attempt to grab unto something which he somehow did even he lost all sense of where he was looking at because the world looked like it was spinning. You couldve dramatised the actual fall to make up for the boring fight which was so fast that it was too sudden, which makes dramatising the fall much cooler as it lets the reader still feel tensed because they were shocked to see him fall so suddenly and your prolonging the explanation of his fall which makes the reader anticipate whether he survived or not. Hopefully what i said makes sense.

    Next, the scene where you made the mc cry wasnt placed that well. I as the reader did not feel too connected to the mc, i still did not know what troubled him or anything about him emotionally. You dont have to show that he directly is troubled by something, it should be really really subtle that the reader notices somethinf wrong and then if he opens about his troubles by crying because its something that plagued him and he kept such feeling bottled up, making you feel sadness that he had to go through such a thing and you werr there to experience that with him even thiugh he didnt open up, i wouldve felt joy for the mc when he finally cries releasing his pent up emotion. Okay I honestly didn't explain that well, its pretty s**t, ignore this paragraph if it doesnt make much sense.

    So what else, the mc growth is not the problem but what is abnormal is how he has knowledge of things thag werent even explained to him, things that before he met these people he never even thought about. In my opinion, it wasnt something that sat well with me. Maybe im just being stupid.

    Grammar isnt your strong point, probably because english isnt your first language so its something that can be forgiven. Even though english isnt my first language, i live in the uk so thats what helps me. What i suggest to fix this up, is to just read all your chapters till you hate them. Search up words youre not too sure are correct when you write. An example is the word "loose". That means like a loose nut or a knot. You probablt meant lose, the first time i thought it was a typo but then you did it again.

    There is the chapter where you said the mc was in seemingly in pain, its better to be more definitive its not something that should be a mystery, but a bit later you contradicted yourself by saying that he was all fine. But i think you mightve redeemed yourself because you stated that the healing sanzam thingy causes a lot of pain when used from the scroll.

    Ah yes i remembered, about the scar. Thats one reason why i didnt like how little the fight lasted, there was literally no excitment and i felt no worry for the mc because it just happened too quickly. 

    The speed at how fast the recruitment happened left me unsatisfied, like the fight. Again you can redeem yourself here, by having some deeper meaning to their willingness to accept him and not just because of some plot and the need for it to advance. The reason to why the mc accepts so quickly could be explained by his naivety as a kid, because even if there was money people would still be doubtful. I just realised what i said could be a little pointless as he did doubt them a bit later and i guess that he accepted quickly because he didnt want anything bad to happen.

    I think i could talk about more things but i have a headache and i need to get other things done today. So heres your review. I honestly hope this helps and that youre able to either leave the current and improve yourself through the future chapters or go back and fix up the previous chapters. Though im not sure how ahead you have written, hopefully not too much. Goodluck with the story, the premise has potential if executed well.


Sign In or Register to comment.